


Of Humanity and Zombies

by Ark666



Category: Left 4 Dead (Video Games), Left 4 Dead 2
Genre: Anxiety, Bottom Nick, Cigarettes, Drugging, F/M, Good Intentions, I hate tags, Las Vegas, M/M, Nick's ex wife, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Smut, Trying to do the right thing, lots of irreverent references, suicidal stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 01:44:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16187498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ark666/pseuds/Ark666
Summary: Ellis has an undiagnosed mental illness that he hid during the campaign and before you go all SJW read the first chapter, and good intentions can lead to even more problems. Also one of Nick's ex wives shows up.Rated M for graphic descriptions of disorders that can be triggering for some people. Please do not read if you think it will trigger you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's four am right now so please forgive my grammar. I've been on a roll and have been typing for the past 8 hours and have decided to post this much of the work in progress so far. This is not going to be a happy story, it will have its moments, and maybe a happyish ending. I found it very easy to write what I've written so far, but then again...Anyways, if you have a comment on something or why I did the things the way I do them in the story just comment. I'm going to use songs as references this time. For this one it's only because I mention it in the fic:
> 
> Asleep- The Smiths

“So Nick if you were married, why’d you get divorced?” Ellis asked the conman in their current safe haven. He’d been polishing his gun when the young man asked him a question. He momentarily stopped to think for a moment. 

“It’s a *long* story Ellis. Longer then I care to tell you about it,” he picked up cleaning his gun. Ellis didn’t waver and plopped himself right next to the cold man. The young man grinned and wrapped an arm around him. 

“She break your heart?” He pried into Nick. This time Nick set down the gun and cleaning supplies and yanked Ellis’ arm off from around him. 

“If you want to know she was the most insufferable bitch alive,” he hissed hoping to scare off the hick, but it didn’t work. Ellis’ fucking grin just got even wider. 

“You yanks are all the same saying how horrible the person you married was. Where I live people stay together and-“ he started.

“And then commit murder-suicide, but believe me when I say she was a bitch,” Nick enforced by pushing Ellis away with his grease covered hand on his face. The young man wrinkled his nose with disgust. It wasn’t something that he wasn’t used to it getting on his face, but it still wasn’t pleasant. 

“Damnit Nick! This stuff is hard to get off!” He leered at the conman who smirked satisfied and went back to his work. The thick oil would surely take days or never to get off of his skin. His skin did have a permanent slight oil smell because he worked as a mechanic. The only way he wouldn’t smell like oil was if he took weeks off of work.

Suddenly a wet rag was in his face wiping the grease off. Rochelle’s fingers gripped his face as he’d turned to get away from it. “Sorry sweetie,” she soothingly said to him. “He’s just on his period.”

“If I did I’d be exactly like my ex wife on hers,” He jabbed at both the reporter’s jab and his ex wife again. 

“I’d love to meet this ‘lovely’ lady that you keep talking of Nick,” this time Nick tossed the gun and the polish away from him stood up and left the room. The other three survivors were dumbfounded. They’d never seen Nick have such an outburst before. Coach even stopped tearing into his chocolate bar for a moment to watch it before going back to devouring it like a rabid dog. The conman left the safe room to smoke and to extinguish his anger.

“Wonder if our ex wives would have a party hating on us both if they met?” Coach thought aloud to himself. Rochelle cocked her head at him, and Ellis raised a brow as well. “Me and Nick have been married several times, not something you youngins would truly understand. I’ve had two divorces before I met my current wife. Me and my highschool sweetheart got married on my 18th birthday. We divorced soon after and I got married again in my mid twenties then divorced at 30. Then me and my sweetheart got back together, but I wouldn’t go asking Nick about his marriages.” He pointed at the door. “He has a lot of shit to say if you get him started on the lady.”

Rochelle and Ellis only exchanged glances at eachother.

Nick took a long drag of his cigarette, enjoying the slight burn at the back of his throat and the way the smoke filled his lungs. He’d been lucky enough to find a pack of King sized Marlboros. He chuckled a little bit, smoke escaping his body. The hardy kind of chuckle that you only get with heavy smokers. Always just slightly choking on the air. His thoughts were on what the others were thinking about when he mentions his ex wife. He and Coach got along complaining about their ex’s. 

Ellis slipped out of the safehouse and pulled out his pack of Newport 100’s. It saddened the conman to see someone so young smoking. As Ellis was lighting up his cigarette Nick pulled his away from his mouth to get rid of some of the ashes. “You should quit.” he stated to the younger man and got a cold scowl in return.

“Hypocrite,” Ellis criticized him after finishing lighting up with the cigarette still in his mouth. “I hate how Rochelle won’t let us smoke inside.” he complained pulling the cigarette away from his face. Nick turned his head to face him for the conversation.

“That’s because she and Coach don’t smoke. Normal people don’t like the smell of thousands of chemicals,” he started fully turning to Ellis who quirked a brow up at him. “Also you should really quit because you’re younger with the ability to change easier. I’ve slept with random men and women before just for a cigarette, and *trust me* I’ve done it quite a bit when I was younger.”

Ellis chuckled blowing out smoke into rings then to cough shortly after. “I started when I was twelve. My pa handed me a beer and cigarette when the game was on saying that I was a man and that real men smoke and drink when watching the game. Never did have to worry about not having a cigarette because he always liked having someone to smoke with. My ma was pissed as hell for sure, but she smokes too so she didn’t stay that way for too long. Back to the whole marriage and divorce thing, but my parents didn’t believe in divorce so they stayed together until my pa died a few years ago. He used to smoke with her. I think that’s why he started.”

“Social stuff,” Nick added exhaling his last inhale.

“Yeah,” Ellis agreed nodding. “I liked it to because I got to hang out with someone other than Keith outside of school. I wasn’t very social…I,” he stuttered. “I was really shy. I prefered to be alone and be good so my parents didn’t have to worry. I always did what I was told and expected of me.”

“Why?” Nick asked curious leaning his shoulder up against the safe house to brush the ashes of the tip off the cigarette to keep the heat up. Ellis visibly tensed up causing Nick to shift uncomfortable. “Sorry didn’t mean to pry.”

“It’s...it’s alright...it’s just...difficult to talk about. Ya know?” the young man puffed up his chest with tension deeply inhaling his next drag of the cigarette as if to drown his sorrows.

“You don’t have to say anything. I understand. I don’t like talking about my ex wife too much,” Nick turned away trying to enjoy the last minute or two of his cigarette that he had left.

Instead Ellis spoke back up with a hint of uncertainty to his voice that was shadowed by doubt, “I’ll tell you about how I was bullied if you tell me about her.” The conman shifted so that he could see Ellis out of the corner of his eye. The young man looked almost fearful like he’d be judged greatly.

Taking sympathy on him Nick sat down against the wall, and patted the ground for Ellis to join him. “I’ll tell you the worst one.” Nick started trying to think of how to phrase it. What was she like? He remembered that they were almost like carbon copies of eachother with only a few differences. “She and I were too much of the same, hell even our names matched up. Her name was Nikki. On the Vegas Strip we were known as the Nicks or Nikkis for our unparalleled ability to swindle people of their money. A lot of people thought that we were a perfect match. We always wore matching outfits, personalities were almost identical, heh, even our sexual preferences were identical. However because we were the same person practically she and I fought about the money that we spent on superficial stuff. Mine was cigarettes, hers was that and plastic surgery. Her favorite brand was Paul Mall. We always fought on which brand was better. I guess we split up because it all, but it was messy. We both lost all our money, and shit because of it. She and I would try to gamble eachother off the table never backing down until we lost all of our money. She gambled away the deed to our house, I gambled away all our cars. Heh, I never really thought about it before for very long, but we totally deserved eachother. We’re the worst kind of people who thrived together when we got along. Robbing people blind at the table, honey pot or honey dicking people.”

“Sounds like a lot,” Ellis commented almost done with his cigarette. Nick’s had burned down to the filter while he’d been telling his story. “Matching outfits though?”

Nick held his hand up to stop Ellis from commenting any further. “Unintentionally most of the time, but yes.” He flicked his cigarette away down to the pavement. “Now it’s your turn to speak. You know I got to give you props though on getting away with not talking about yourself, even I haven’t that part of deception yet. Anyways go on go on we can talk about that later.”

“You’re the first person to notice that, but a deal is a deal’n I don’t usually lie unless it’s about myself,” Ellis admitted to Nick who sat there patiently staring, waiting for Ellis to answer his part of the deal. The young man sighed heavily. “I was bullied a lot when I was younger. Keith’n I didn’t go to the same school...he went to one of those ones for bad kids. Since I didn’t try to be social people started to shun me for awhile.” he laughed nervously taking another puff. “Didn’t mind that none. I wanted to be left alone. I was afraid of talking to people. I really didn’t mind it, once people started to call me Ellie or Moldy Sponge it started to get bad. They also kept making jokes to me I didn’t understand. My parents were too busy to notice the change in me. My baby brother was just born and my older sister needed help with their homework that always took her hours to do. My dad had to work to pay the bills and provide for us. I got quieter, and started lying about how I felt...It got really bad in third grade...nobody said anything about my behavior...I sat alone at lunch...nobody would play with me...Keith was always in detention after school and on saturday...so I only saw him on Sunday...he started ditching in middle school...me I was always alone...I read books because it was a way to escape my life...even for just a moment...I was one of the first boys to hit puberty, but...I didn’t get that tall...never really felt like I finished puberty...I’m short, slight baby face...I grew angry in six grade around this time...I’m always angry. It never went away. No matter what I always have some level of anger to me...But high school, heh, high school was when I got angrier. I get really pissed, but I can still look calm and seemingly happy on the surface...I started to get really depressed that year, usually only in the spring...I love winter, everyone is happy around Christmas and I can almost feel truly happy even for a moment...but then the mania started. A lighter sort of one, like feeling excited, having all these plans, high self esteem, loved myself, always happy still having anger though. It's strange...when you're manic and your crying because you’re laughing. It feels like you’re always lying even to yourself. When I’m depressed it’s easier to handle because I’m just tired of everything and everyone...because when you’re manic you always know that you’re going to have the crash...also you’re never actually happy when you’re manic...it’s like a false high, and I HATE switching between moods because it makes me feel like I’m actually losing my mind...I get anxiety so bad that I started crying in front of my whole class once… I don’t know, but I guess I’m just fucked up. Keith joined sophomore year, but I was still getting bullied. People made fun of the way I spoke… they called me dumb, and said I was on drugs...kinda wish I was. The depression and mania just keep getting worse and worse because my anxiety is slowly getting more and more strong.” He was shaking violently and he took out another cigarette and lit it. Smoking it rather quickly to drown his feelings away. Nick picked the freshly lit cigarette out of his lips and put it out. Ellis glared at him murderously.

“Drowning your misery in vice isn’t going to make it go away!” Nick stood up to lecture him holding the cigarette straight up in his hand to emphasize his point. “You avoiding talking about it and burying yourself! It’s only going to cause you to break down one day and you won’t be able to help yourself but to indulge yourself into the thoughts.Those thoughts are going to try to kill you! If you’re lucky you’ll end up in the psych ward for at least a month trying to get clean and get help! If not you’re going to be trapped in this endless cycle of self pity, self destruction, and be a people pleaser because you’re afraid that they’re going to leave you too! You can’t please everyone! It’ll kill you trying to! You think not talking about yourself and feelings isn’t selfish? Think again! It’s the most selfish thing to do because you’re going to end up killing yourself over it, and I sure as hell think that deep down you know that So please try being more open and honest otherwise you’re going to end up in an early grave.”

Nick gave him an ultimatum about himself. Nobody had ever done that to him before. The years that had gone by just going through the day letting other people talk and vent to him and never talking about himself exclusively had come to a point. His shit had been exposed and it was doubtful that the others didn’t hear Nick’s shouting at him. Yeah he was miserable, but did he voice that? No because it would be selfish to do so in his mind so he would talk about his friend Keith’s misadventures to make the others happy and to keep them from asking about him personally. Now with being exposed, outed, ripped apart Ellis didn’t know what to think of it or do.

Fortunately he didn’t have to think he grabbed Nick’s hand and rushed them into the safe room. His yelling was louder then one of the car alarms. Once the door was closed they heard the infected banging on the door trying to get in. Coach audibly sighed knowing that they’d be here for another few hours at least, and now with the newfound tension in the group it would be even more hell in the small room. Ellis pucked his cigarette back from Nick’s hand and relit it. Rochelle coughed in disgust.

All of their conversations were suspended until the banging on the door stopped. Ellis sat down in the corner of the room the furthest away from everyone else and the closest to the door. Nick hung back and just stood in the center of the room with his arms crossed while shaking his head no. His eyes were closed, it was like he was disappointed. He was, he was disappointed in himself for causing a horde and in Ellis’ secret. Somehow he blamed the way Ellis acted on himself. He knows that he shouldn’t feel any guilt over it since he had nothing to do in causing it, but to expose him to the rest of the group was another thing.

Coach and Rochelle had heard what Nick had shouted at Ellis from inside the saferoom. They’d heard enough to get the gist of what was said. Coach was formulating a way to go about it because it wouldn’t be good if Ellis completely broke down because they’d be down one or two people to fight. Rochelle was trying to decide on whether or not to try and comfort Ellis who’d started giving off the vibe of come near me and I’ll explode as he tried to figure out his next move in his mind.

He could run away, but he’d probably die or get caught by Nick or Coach tackling him. He could hide from them, and get killed by a special. There was always the last option, but he’s deciding against it for now.

‘Well you should just do it. I mean isn’t dying better then how they’re judging you, and how they’re currently pitying you right now’ Ellis’ disassociated depressive thoughts popped up in his head. He’d always hated this negative self talk that always came up in his head.

‘No’ he thought squeezing his eyes shut and resting his head on his knees taking a deep inhale of the cigarette. The rest of his pack wasn’t going to last him long at the rate he’s smoking them. He’ll be out of them by nightfall. ‘At least...not for now…’

Nick also pulled out another cigarette and lit it, Rochelle glared at him and stopped once she saw his pained expression. Deciding to be productive he grabbed the gun he’d discarded and the polish to clean it. All his mental power was focused on precisely cleaning the machinery to avoid having another outburst. His thoughts drifted to his ex wife. Had she survived? Was she immune? Did he want to see her again, or was it to berate her for the misery that they’d inflicted on eachother. 

Coach took inventory of all of their supplies to get lost in the monotonous task of it all. Rochelle sat down away from Ellis and Nick and took a nap, but she couldn’t because she kept thinking about the group and if they’d be alright. The boys were putting away a lot of cigarettes now and if they started withdrawal then they’d be off their game. The end of the world wasn’t an opportune time to be a smoker, or have any kind of vice. The conman was still going through gambling withdrawal. The little game of poker every night wasn’t enough for him since he’d always wipe the floor with them. Nick disagreed and thought that the end was the best time to have a vice because it helps to fill the void of a normal life.

Ellis was stewing in his own thoughts. It was something that he’d always hated because the unpleasant things would start to pop up. For example how Keith was a terrible friend and could never tell how off Ellis was, or how he never cared enough to say. There was this one time where he’d told Keith over the summer before their senior year of highschool that he was really depressed. Keith forgot because Ellis had asked him later in the next school year about it and he didn’t remember. He shook it off visible saying that it was ok and that he was alright, but damn if that didn’t hurt like hell deep down. He had gone to the bathroom during class just so that he could be alone to cry. Nobody questioned him when he returned with bloodshot eyes and a red nose.

Coach was at the door looking through the little slot trying to see how many of them are out there. He smiled moving away from the door and picking up his shotgun. “There’s only a few commons out there right now. We got really lucky.”

“That’s good news. We should get moving now because I checked your notes Coach and we don’t have too much food to spare,” Rochelle hopped up from her space and picked her auto machine gun off of the table. Nick sighed and put the cleaning kit away tucking it away in the ex football player’s bag. To him his magnum still wasn’t clean, but for all purposes and ways of cleaning it looked better than new. 

Ellis stood up slowly grabbing his hunting rifle loosely as if even if the wind would touch it’d fall straight from his hand. He lit up another cigarette with another hand, only having three more left in the pack. “Let’s go. I hate the smell of polish,” the conman commented disgusted even though he was the only one that would polish the guns, let alone clean everyone's. He led everyone out of the room to keep from idling. What he wouldn’t do for a game of high stakes poker, or a simple game of pool, with betting of course?

Coach took over as the lead once they got outside. He felt out of place being the one to go in and starting to talk to Ellis about his problems. The young man’s stare was blank as he gazed around for infected far away. “Ellis,” he sighed getting his attention.

“No.” Ellis commanded, Rochelle turned to him slightly with worry worn on her face before returning her gaze to the front. Nick just watched it all unfold being the one in the back. His feet came to a hault, loudly skidding on the concrete.

“You’re going to have to talk eventually,” Nick stated coldly to him. Ellis turned aheal with his face burning in anger.

“Fuck no I don’t hafta!” he spat at Nick pointing accusatory with his cigarette hanging loosely between his lips. His brows were drawn in pure anger. Ellis was like an animal that was cornered by a predator, nowhere to run and nowhere to hide so he was doing his best to look big and tough even though deep down he was terrified. Nick stalked over in long strides and grabbed Ellis by the collar of his shirt and yanked him within an inch of his own face.

“Quiet the hell down before they come back!” Nick hissed between closed teeth. The young man didn’t look phased at all by his intimidation tactics. If anything it only fueled his anger further, but his eyes went blank again with a sudden realization. Nick let him go shoving him roughly to the side and taking a few steps forward irritated. He ran a hair through his hair thinking that he was no psychologist or psychiatrist he didn’t know shit on what to do to help Ellis.

Ellis chuckled slightly, he was in the same spot Nick had left him at. They all turned to him. His cap covered up his eyes down to the tip of his nose, and then he stopped chuckling, “You know Nick...maybe I do want them to come and rip me to shreds...because then I could just close my eyes for a moment then it’d all be over.” he laughed maniacally dropping to the ground. The rest of the group stared at him with silent horror. The apprentice mechanic rolled onto his side to stare back at them. “You feel me? I mean it feels really damn good to finally say that out loud for once.”

“You got even bigger problems then I thought son,” Coach commented in reference to: the witch bride, I think the sewer in the Passing, the cut line at the roller coaster, ect, ect. Ellis merely shrugged shutting his eyes. Nick went up to him to hurl him up to keep going. They weren’t even 50 yards away from the safe house. Ellis kept moaning no while he played dead on the ground with Nick struggling to get him up off of it. Dead weight was the worst kind of weight and the kid seemed to know that.

“I doooonn wanna get up,” Ellis moaned. The young man really could play lifeless pretty well. Grumbling and growling Nick heaved him up enough to where his shins and shoes were the only things left on the ground.

“Tough titties Ellis. Now get up!” Nick commanded while struggling, and Ellis lifted his head up to make eye contact.

“Because I don’t have to be worried about being taken to the hospital anymore, did you know that a couple days before I met y’all that I tried to kill myself?” everyone but Ellis froze. “No, I didn’t think you knew that story...I really don’t know why either...I’d just come home from the shop where I’m being taught at n’nobody’s home and I go to my room and shut the door and I hear my mind chanting ‘Attention seeking, ugly, lying, bitch’ over and over and over...and over. My mind kept racing with this. I even grabbed a razor and pair of scissors at first to do that, but they looked too dull ‘n ya know tha’d hurt a lot so…I started looking up overdose symptoms for benadryl and didn’t think that would be a bad way to go...I took all ten pills left in the bottle, and I knew it wasn’t going to work, but I thought I’d be different...ya know.”

“Jesus Christ Ellis!” Nick set him gently back down on the ground having gave up and decided to sit there too. Rochelle went to try and hug Ellis, but he glared at her and rolled out of her way. 

“Is there any medication you’re on that you’re not getting?” Coach rubbed his chin pulling the skin with his hand, and shifted his weight to his other foot. Rolling on his stomach with his arms apart was Ellis’ nonverbal response.

“Jesus, how’d you manage to live like this?” Nick pinched the bridge of his nose and smoothing out the wrinkles to ease an oncoming headache.

“I’m really good at lying about myself and deceiving others because I’ve done this for most of my life,” Ellis mumbled. “Also people in my family are very anti therapy because my older sister got a bad one, also a few other extended family members. They sit around laughing and joking about them and how shitty they all are and that they should go to hell for exploiting people so yeah I didn’t get help because of I was too worried what they’d think.” A tear escaped his left eye and hit the ground quickly. His voice had been quivering. 

“I think that your parents would understand because I don’t think that they’d want to have to come home to bury and mourn you,” Nick laid beside him facing him and rest and a hand soothingly on Ellis’ brunet locks. He shut his eyes quickly and his breathing intensified and came in bursts. Face glowing a medium shade of pink the tears fell. In the murmurs that he whispered to him he spoke once more. “If they do love you, then they wouldn’t care that you need therapy to help you out. Nobody should live this way, nobody, and you’re still here right now. You’re alive. You breath, you speak, you tell stories, you have a heartbeat, and you are here. Just keep calm and be more honest with yourself and others, and most importantly show the empathy that you give to others to yourself.”

Rochelle and Coach were taken back by Nick’s sweet words of advice because the conman was a generally a ball of salt to everyone, but he did have a soft spot for Ellis. In Rochelle’s mind it was clear what her new mission was. She was going to do everything within her power to get them together. A shipper at heart she was determined to get them together because their personalities and qualities perfectly match up to compliment one another and that they had a soft spot for eachother. Coach was glad that he didn’t have to really think of anything to say, not really being the best at this sort of thing. Most of the kids on his team were completely open and would spill their guts instantly and he could point them in the direction to go from there, but Ellis was walled up and was really good at hiding his true feelings.

Ellis was pained physically and emotionally. He’d been in a manic state up until shortly after they made it across the bridge. The icing on the cake that most likely caused the flip was discovering that the flu went countrywide at this point. That was yesterday, and he could see how much of his demeanor has changed since then. Nick had to guess that Ellis was the master at manipulating what people thought he was feeling up front with everyone else or that everyone was too oblivious to notice before.

The bridge, the bridge…it was just yesterday that they’d crossed it to the New Orleans evac station. Rescue 7 had picked them up and flew them out of the state, but over the radio he and the survivors heard of the plans that were in store for them because the whole country had turned and carries weren’t wanting to get helped anymore………………….

“Rescue 7 take them to the center in zone 19385483954357845856785478784578547845785478547854785478547854785478547845874578 (gotta love making up numbers), Roger,” they heard over the radio full of static.

“Roger that Papa Gator, but why there? Shouldn’t we take them to the other, over,” he returned over the air. (eh fuck radio properness I’m not skilled enough)

“No,” he cut in abruptly. “Are they in securely?”

“Yes…” Rescue 7 uncomfortably reported. Nick and Coach exchanged glances of ‘oh fuck’ with eachother because that was not a good sign for them. Ellis was resting his head on Rochelle’s shoulder slowly nodding off. She had an arm wrapped around him and was soothingly rubbing his bicep. 

“Ok. They’re the only carriers that we’ve been able to pick up or catch in weeks. The others have been smart enough to avoid us. You have to get them there so that they can be used to help create the cure,” Papa Gater explained to his fellow airmen. Ellis’ head perked up from it’s drifting and the sleepiness was replaced with anxiety and fear. Coach held his head up with his hands to leave it to the pissed off man in the suit to scream at the pilot. He’d lurched out of his seat and start banging on the wall that separated them from the pilot. 

“THE FUCK!” Rochelle could of swore she saw a blood vessel burst in Nick’s eye. “I’M NOT GOING TO LET ME AND THE OTHERS TURN INTO YOUR FUCKING PINCUSHIONS. I’D RATHER FUCKING DIE THEN TO BE A GUINEA PIG FOR CEDA!!!”

“Rescue 7 do you have this on speaker?” you could hear the disappointed parent tone in his voice. 

A few seconds passed, “The headset broke.”

“Oh, sorry.” he apologized to Rescue 7. “Citizen please stop trying to damage government property.”

“Bullshit! You’re say citizen and property in the same sentence is implying that were now just fucking items in your inventory now!” Papa Gater did not respond to that comeback. Nick turned to face the rest of the group. “We’re all going to die on an operating table with no blood left in us!”

“I hate to agree with Nick, but I think we’re screwed as well,” Coach nodded patting the bench for Nick to join him. The conman was pacing around the small space biting his thumb and running a hand in his hair.

“This was not how I wanted to die,” Rochelle remarked with Nick raising a brow at her.

“Rescue 7 can you give them something to calm them down,” Papa Gater asked of him.

“No can do because it was all used up and never replaced,”

“Damn. We’ll be well staffed for your arrival then, over and out.” Papa closed out the conversation. They heard the radio click off.

“Alright I don’t know how much time I have, but I’m going to drop you four off because Mr. Temper is right about us. I don’t think there will ever be a cure so that’s the only reason why I’m doing this. I’m okay with a few people dying for the greater good, but in this case it’s me and the other’s who aren’t immune and or carriers,” Rescue 7 told them. The air got a little more tense because the guy was rouge with the rest of his people which meant that they may be expecting him to do something off kilter. There was also the second deception option which meant that he was trying to sell them that they were safe to keep them off their guard. Nick had to smile at that one thinking of how many times he’d done that.

“Thank you so much sir,” Rochelle quickly thanked him with a very nervous demeanor. She didn’t trust him as well. Who could blame them for being so suspicious? They just heard that they’d most likely die being a lab rat to a bunch of scientists. 

“What should we do Nick?” Coach whispered barely moving his mouth just in case there were cameras and microphones. Rubbing his mouth as a form of nervousness Nick used that as his cover to reply.

“Be ready to kill an’not to hesitate because they don’t see us as people at all. They’re looking at us like we’re raccoons to be tested for rabies,” he’d hesitated in his speech. He didn’t like the idea of having to kill as well, but he’d fight to live if it came down to it.

“Ok, don’t tell the youngins...I’d rather it be us that have to do it and not them,” Coach lamented not liking the plan, but understanding that they’re being viewed like rabid animals.

“We cann-nn-nt hesitate,” Nick stammered over the word due to his high anxiety level. If he was given the option to try and take on three tanks alone at once vs being stuck on this helicopter one more minute he’d take the chance with the tanks.

“Ro…” Ellis murmured with wide eyes. Sure he wants to die from time to time, but this is one of the ways that he feared the most of going out of this world because it’s one thing to die by your own hand, but a completely different thing to be murdered or tortured to death.

She slid her arm back around him and pulled him into a hug more for herself then him, rocking the both of them gently running a hand through his hair and gently petting him. “It’s ok,” her voice was unsteady. “We’ll be alright.”

It seemed to be an eternity before they started landing. The usually calm conman’s eyebrows were in a knot in the middle of his forehead shrouded with uncertainty and fear. The football coach usal hopeful demeanor was grim for once. The reporter’s confidence seemed like she’d never had any before. The young mechanic in training was pissed, he was ready to rip someone’s throat out. He was ancey and ready to pounce. Foot tapping rhythmically on the ground irritated nobody. 

As they got closer and closer to the ground their emotions, and Coach’s lack of emotions seemed to intensify. When they were a couple of feet off the ground the back of the helicopter opened up.

“Run far away from here and don’t come anywhere near back here! Also good luck and avoid us!” Rescue 7 had seemingly kept his word to the group. Too fatigued to answer back they all scampered out of the vehicle as fast as they could with their guns in tow. They didn’t stop running until they were in the thick brush of the forest.

No one spoke at all. They didn’t dare to speak because they were afraid. Nick and Ellis were even too afraid to lite up a cigarette in fear that the smoke would draw any attention, if there would be any attention of people in the vicinity to grab the attention of. Careful steps and not even movement to convey motion of where the hell they were going they pressed onwards. They made it out of the forest by sunset finding a house with the nice red door within 100 yards (91.44 meters) of them.

The safe house was only the kitchen of the house. Small. Ellis took watch most of the night being the only one that wasn’t ready to collapse. He was supposed to trade off shifts with Coach then to Nick who’d then give it to Rochelle, but he didn’t wake him up. Letting the others sleep because after they’d barricaded off the door pretty much everyone else passed out right after sitting down. 

Ellis had found a book on the table and sat and read it the entire night. He enjoyed reading it. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was the best book that he’d ever read because he could really identify with a character even more on a personal level then all the other characters that he’d ever read. Usually characters with disorders are the side character, not the main character. People favor the fantasy lives of seemingly perfect characters with minor flaws or with the disorder being used as a trope for a one off in a single chapter. TV shows had this problem as well. He hated how in the show The O’Neils the older brother had atypical anorexia and was losing weight rapidly. They solved that by the end of the pilot episode. Real disorders consume someone and are part of them, but don’t define them, or be used for convenience for plot. Real disorders are pain, not a luxury or something to be desired because they hurt the person who has it and the people around them.

Charlie in the story had major depression because he felt responsible for his aunt dying on his birthday when he was a child. He became the quiet kid who read books and had very few friends because they’d left him for one reason or another. Books were his solitude. When he made real friends he went off the deep end when he wasn’t able to be around them because he’d gotten a taste of real friendship. The song Asleep by The Smiths was a good one. Ellis was glad that he’d head the song a few times before he read this because it was referenced a lot in the book and held such significance to it. The mood of the book was set up by that song and it was beautiful to him.

He was finishing up the book when Rochelle woke up at the crack of dawn. Oh how she longed for the days of waking up at the crack of noon. She noticed that Ellis was still awake and reading and hopped up on the table with him. 

“Whatcha reading sweetie?” she hovered a bit too close for Ellis’ liking and he shied away pushing himself in the corner, blocking her off a little bit.

“Uh…” he started nervously. He wasn’t used to people being interested in him personally, and didn’t really enjoy the spotlight that he was getting from her. “I’m uhhhh...reading a book about a boy in highschool that uhh… deals with, like, coming of age problems.”

“That sounds interesting, but get your ass to bed. Coach will be pissed at you for not waking anyone up for watch. Hell my watch is more than halfway over already,” she tapped at her watch to see if it was still ticking. She’d picked up a wind up watch off a dresser a few days earlier. 

“I dun mind none about it. I want to finish it then I’ll go to bed,” He raised the book up slightly then bit his lip out of anxiety. 

“Ok, but I just wanted to warn you of the bear,” Rochelle hopped off the table to grab him the blanket that she used. 

“Awwww he ain’t so mean so long as he’s not sleep deprived and has chocolate. He’s kinda like a dog like that,” Ellis compared while picking back up on the paragraph that he was reading before the conversation. She held back a laugh and shook her head setting the blanket down next to him. 

When he finished the book he tucked it into his boot and under his coveralls being too much of a recluse to let other people read or know what book he’d read. Finding the table comfortable enough he laid down on it facing the wall. The first few nights that they were all together he’d been shaken awake because they thought he’d died because of how shallow his breaths were. (Fun Fact this is the reason why people refuse to share a bed with me at sleepovers. They also don’t like to be in the same room. You can’t see me breath and you can’t hear me breath, hell you can’t even feel my breath. It scared the shit out of my mom and my roommate because they thought I was a corpse. Yeah I’ve been shaken awake a few times.)

Coach was not happy to find out from Rochelle that Ellis had stayed up the entire night taking watch. Nick shrugged saying that he was the only one that had the stamina to keep watch and that everyone else on their watch would’ve passed out, but this wasn’t the first time Ellis had done that. The old man was fed up and wanted to switch Rochelle and Ellis’ shifts. The younger two were on the outer shifts because Coach and Nick according to psychology did not need not as much sleep because their brains were fully developed and didn’t need NREM-3 sleep as much as the younger two. Rochelle argued with Coach for the first time on this, she really liked her morning shift and being able to collapse as soon as they walked in the door of a safehouse. Nick refused to back either of them up by giving the ‘the fuck is wrong with you two look’. Needless to say Ellis got bitched out when breakfast was put out……………………..


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety and references to Eminem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't get called on very often in my speech class anymore after I had a panic attack in class. I'm glad I don't have to speak as much, but I'd rather be treated like everyone else. I think they're afraid of triggering another one because it's in front of my entire class that I see everyday. I had my professor chasing me around everyday for a week after that. granted it's only been a week and a half since then. When I went to get help I felt like I was being punished. I was forced to have a risk assessment done. If you haven't noticed a lot of what Ellis is feeling is way too personal to be made up for shits and giggles. I'm writing him as a slightly more exaggerated version of myself. A lot of people freak out when they find out that you tried to kill yourself, and I'm writing Nick as the more understanding and soothing character because I want to.
> 
> Going Through Changes
> 
> -Eminem, Album Recovery

Nick pulled Ellis into a hug letting him bury his face into his suit. At first Ellis didn’t reciprocate the hug until his cries became audible and cutched him so hard that Nick was sure to have a couple bruises later. Nick hummed lightly in Ellis’ ear to lull him. His humming was so calming that he lulled him to Ellis to sleep. When he was sure to be passed out Nick gently got up carrying the young man bridal style in his arms.

Rochelle picked up Ellis’ hat and rifle, putting his hat in her belt loop and slung his rifle on her back. Coach and Rochelle kept cover of Nick by having him walk directly behind them. Safety in formation he supposed. 

They kept quiet until Nick broke the silence, “We need to find at least a college bookstore because it’ll have something to help us help him. If we don’t do anything he’ll go mad and kill himself one day, and that day could be soon. I don’t think that he should have watch anymore. It’s too dangerous for him.”

“He hasn’t done anything to try and hurt himself,” Coach reasoned. Ellis had been on first watch for almost a couple of weeks and hasn’t done anything to try and hurt himself.

“Yet,” Nick shook his head disapprovingly. “He hasn’t done anything *yet*, but it’s not a risk we should be taking anymore...otherwise we’re just twiddling our thumbs waiting for a bomb to go off.” Rochelle nodded her head in agreement.

“I agree, he was really nervous when I woke up. He wouldn’t even tell me the title of the book that he was reading, or an accurate description. All he did was give the most vague description and shifted away so I couldn’t see the pages of the book. Like he was ashamed of reading a book,” Two against one in this argument. The 40 year old gritted his teeth. He knew that what they were saying was true, but he’ll miss the extra hour-ish of sleep. What needed to be done needed to be done and they had to put Ellis’ safety first.

“He’s not going to like it one bit,” Coach pointed out taking out a stray common on the side. 

“Rochelle do we have some sleeping pills, no casing and orange juice?” Nick inquired for a nice brew of sleeping juice. He shrugged the best he could with Ellis cradled in his arms. “Really any kind of juice would work, but anything not clear will work the best.”

“Yeah,” she looked up to the sky trying to remember. “We got that powder shit from the MRE’s, and the pills are crushable and not time release...So...I’m assuming you want to make a batch for juice for dinner have the pills crushed in Ellis’ cup already and pour it on top of that. Just enough of it to make him really tired and not passing out mid dinner, but not so little that he thinks that he can power through it.”

“That’s devious Nick,” Coach made a few assumptions in his head about the conman. Going to think such bad things about the conman because of his sinning profession.

“Well when my wife, or one of the people I was versing would slip something into my drink if they wanted me to lose or to fuck me later they’d do it. My wife would slip it directly into the bottles. I had no idea which bottles were drugged and which ones weren’t with her. People at the table would pay off the waiters,” Nick explained to Coach who was still dumbfounded by that. He sighed heavily.

Rochelle rubbed Coach’s shoulder and explained, “People from the North/ West coast are assholes who drug people for lots of reasons. Vegas is notorious for duggings and other stuff besides it’s practically basic knowledge,old man.” She must have lit a fire under him because he got roasted. That thought crossed in her mind and it made her smile. If Nick would’ve heard the ill made joke he would have berated her for that one.

They found highway 40 so it was safe to assume that they were in Arkansas. Nick got excited because if they found a highway map they could easily make their way to Vegas, and somehow managed to convince everyone that going to Vegas would be a good thing to do. It was the safest bet that they could go for in terms of not running into CEDA or the others...The thing he was most elated for was to be able to teach them how to really gamble despite it having no more value. They’d need to find a car or something because the hell if Coach was going to walk across five states to get to Vegas.

Nick still had Ellis in his arms as they started going west. It had only been an hour at most since he passed out. Had it really been a month since they started hearing about the green flu. The rumors started in late September, and now it had to be November now. Coach was sure of it because of the trees. The older man missed his wife, she’d gone to see her mother in England before Georgia went to shit. She begged him to come with her, but he declined because he wanted to be there for his players because the homecoming game was soon. He regrets of not going with her. The last he saw of him was her heartbroken face as she went to the security checkpoint in the airport.

Holidays were not going to be a priority to them, but birthdays were another thing. Ellis’ birthday was in early November so he should be turning 20 soon. His thoughts drifted to the boy. The kid was deeply disturbed in his mind. Staying up and being able to function off of little to no sleep, and being able to run around making jokes and telling stories in the day. People really do listen without listening because if he would of paid better attention to his stories he would’ve noticed something was wrong with him. At least that’s what his mind told him to be true. 

Nick gasped and a couple different loud thunks hit the ground. Ellis yipped like a dog that’s paw was accidentally stepped on. Rochelle whipped around and took aim, carefully to shoot the tongue that was attempting to drag Nick away. After a deep exhale to make sure she got the shot to not miss or hit the conman she fired. The tongue snapped and he was clawing at his throat because he still couldn’t breath.

Coach ran over and quickly removed the choke chain off of around his neck. Nick choked on the air withering on the ground while Coach went to check on Ellis. Other than confusion on where they were he was alright. Rochelle took the rifle out to snipe out the smoker, but the slimy bastard got away just quick enough. Frustrated she yanked the gun back down, and went to run Nick’s back. He was still spasming from the lack of oxygen.

“I couldn’t even hear that one, it must have been further away. Just focus on your breathing,” she coaxed him. The soothing motion on his back was helping him to be able to not spasm as much as he was before. Blistering patches of black, blue, and red were breaking out across his neck. He’d be lucky if he could even swallow liquids without extreme pain for a few days because it looked that bad. “Just breath in, hold, hold it, now exhail, now again.” Her coaching on his breathing helped him to slowly regain his breath.

“Is he okay?” Ellis asked timidly taking small steps over to her. The older man kept a watchful look out for the fucker to make his reappearance. Rochelle nodded.

“He’s banged up and won’t be able to swallow very much or speak that well in that regard too, but he’ll live. This one looked like it wanted to rip his head off. It only wrapped around his neck and head,” she explained not taking her eyes off the injured man. “Can you do me and Coach a big favor and let him lean on you. He’s going to be disoriented from the lack of oxygen for awhile, if not pass out soon from the trama.”

“He won’t be able to take any antihistamines to reduce the swelling if he can’t swallow, and we don’t have a pharmacy at our disposal with the book of info on how to administer a shot,” Ellis went off on his knowledge of chemistry. Rochelle’s head perked up and she took off her bag, rifling through it. Ellis moved to continue rubbing Nick’s back with his eyebrows drawn in concern.

“Ellis you’re a genius. I think that adrenaline will help a little bit because when people with allergies have a medical emergency all their epipen is-is epinephrine, but just in an auto injector. The epinephrine makes a lot of the swelling go down so I’m thinking that it might help,” she pulled out an auto injector and stabbed it into Nick’s outer thigh to administer the dose. His breathing went less labored almost instantly.

“Damn kids you figured that out real quick,” Coach complimented them by kneeling down as well to check on the man who was losing consciousness. Ellis turned his face to him.

“Uhmmmm...technically you’re supposed to administer epinephrine as well when doing CPR because it helps to jumpstart the heart when you reset it with an AED,” Ellis added shyly. 

“Are you sure you didn’t take a class on this shit?” Coach asked him trying to analyze him which made Ellis more uncomfortable then he already was.

“Uhmmmm...no Keith’s technically been dead a few times before...n’I saw the paramedics work on him,” the young man shrank up internally. Too many personal questions for him. It made him very uncomfortable because he doesn’t talk about himself, he talks about other people and their lives as facts or stories and not gossip.

Nick stopped moving around so much and was just passed out like he was on the floor on New Year's day. The three of them got Nick up so that Ellis could carry him on his back to not aggravate his sore neck like it would in a bridal position. If they’d pass an ambulance they’d have to grab a neck brace for him to wear for a couple weeks. No doubt that he’d be in a fuck ton of pain when he would wake up.

Ellis wasn’t dumb, he knew exactly why he was the one to carry Nick. They didn’t want him to wield a weapon at all. Rochelle has his rifle and her own assault machine gun. She didn’t have an intention on giving it back to him, not even a look or motion that she wasn’t going to give it to him. That’s when he knew that the whole group made plans when he was asleep. The thought made him extremely anxious. Riddled with anxiety he felt like he could snap and break down at any moment and start crying. His stomach churned and hurt really bad deep in his guts, with his skin crawling, and eyes wet like they could overflow at any second. He felt like his knees were about to buckle from underneath him with every step he took. 

Being the center of attention was the worst feeling for him. That happening again or something minor like even a simple question could set him off. He took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before exhaling and looked up.

Five things he could see: he could see Coach taking the lead, Rochelle right behind him sniping, a slime green car, a billboard advertising some chinese buffet, and a tree that looked like a crescent. 

Four things he could physically feel: Nick’s face and hair on his face, his breath through his shirt, his dingy socks in his boots, and the book.

Three things that he could hear: Nick’s pained breathing, the soft rustling of the leaves, and the faint whisper-’no, no, no, no’ Ellis thought quickly to not become as anxious as he was before he started the exercise. ‘I can hear Nick’s breathing, the soft rustling of the leaves, and all of our footsteps on the ground’

Two things that he could smell: the greenery, and blood that was not his.

One thing that he could taste was the blood that he caused by biting his tongue before he started the exercise.

It didn’t work completely, but it helped to distract him for a few minutes and that was good enough to help get his mind off of some things temporarily. He’d only bit down on his tongue this hard maybe only one other time and this was in gym class during capture the flag. Chosen last out of the entire class, and then told by his team just to be a ‘distraction’. Well ‘distraction’ occasionally got the flag and ended the game within 30 seconds. When his team started praising him he bit down and bit harder and harder on it until it bled. His parents weren’t home when the office called his parents, and they didn’t listen to the recording on the answering machine because he’d deleted it.

“Where are we going?” Ellis asked the two shifting Nick’s weight a little bit. Damn, Nick could stand to lose 10 pounds at least. He noted that Rochelle tensed up visible, he could see the tension increase in her arms. Knowing that she was the one to answer him because she was typically the ‘Ellis whisperer’ or some shit that kind of irritated him.

“West,” she calmly replied as if it was natural so she was telling the truth, but not the complete truth. 

“Where west?” he pressed on her answer to try and pry it out of her. He quickened his pace to be right behind her. “Don’t take me for a fool. I’m smarter then y’all think I am.”

“Washington State,” she lied. Ellis frowned because he could see right through it, she’d answered just a few milliseconds too fast, and her mannerisms were off. It’s sad to say that people who are really good at lying are the best at detecting lies as well because that would have fooled anyone else.

He didn’t continue to press her for more information because he’d gotten the answer that he was looking for. They were treating him like he was someone too incompetent to even do something for himself. The only thing that he was good for was stories and helping the injured to keep his hands busy so that he wouldn’t be able to question why he doesn’t have a weapon. All eyes on him. He didn’t want all of this extra attention. Not even having knowledge on where they were really going. He knows for a fucking fact that they wouldn’t have taken this highway if they were going to go to Washington state. Sighing to himself in his mind, Nick felt like he was getting even heavier if that was possible.

“Please don’t lie to me. I’m not a child,” he let his head drop to gaze at the ground. His words were so inaudible that even if Nick was awake he wouldn’t have heard. His vision was blurry from the tears that caused his vision. They threatened to fall. The sun shown in his eyes, and he realized that he didn’t ask Rochelle for his hat back, but if he spoke the tears would fall like raindrops from his eyes. He didn’t know why he felt this way, but he was this way.

The smoker decided to make his comeback, but unfortunately for the monster it was worse than when any rapper tried to make a comeback after being dissed by Eminem in a full track. Rochelle was Eminem in this case with the smoker being Machine Gun Kelly. Machine Gun Kelly had his song writers come with him in the form of a boomer and spitter that Rochelle got as well. (god I love metaphors sometimes)

“Nice shootin little sister!” Coach complimented her marksmanship.

‘Please don’t turn to me, please don’t turn to me’ Ellis thought over and over again. His entire body was ridged like he’d have to speak in his distraught anxiety ridden state, but thankfully for him they didn’t act like he was there and she high fived Coach.

“Thank you, my goal is to be able to take on a tank alone one day,” She laughed. They shared their fun while Ellis watched from afar. 

“I bet you could do it now,” Coach cheered her on. Seeing their pure joy made him slightly jealous and angry because he couldn’t feel that way normally like they do. Before he realized it he was crying. 

The tears streamed down his face like rivers, flowing off his face and onto his shirt and the pavement below. He stayed far enough away from the two so that he could get away with a little bit of sniffing. However, when he sniffled after a couple of times a hand was wiping away some of his tears. Nick meekly wiped some of them away, he didn’t have enough energy to do much of anything but watch and listen for the past half hour that he’d been away. He heard Rochelle’s lie, and the changes in Ellis’ breathing and heartbeat. His heart had been racing the entire time that he’d been conscious enough to hear it. 

It took almost all of Ellis’ energy not to cry harder, but anxiety is a bitch. When he almost had calmed down he lost it and dropped to the ground sobbing, making sure that Nick didn’t get hurt on the way down. He tucked his face to be hidden by his thighs with his arms holding onto his shins to keep the form with hurting his back a little less. Nick slung an arm weakly around him and held himself close to Ellis. The other two had turned around even before he dropped to the ground due to the loud sobs that erupted from his throat. They went by his side and exchanged a few words. He couldn’t pay attention so he didn’t hear what they’d said at all. 

“Come on sweetie,” she started rubbing circles on his knee. “We need to get going because we need to find somewhere for Nick to rest up.”

Ellis nodded his head agreeing and pulled himself back together in the span of a couple minutes. How many more times would he be able to put the pieces back together? He didn’t think he had much more of that left in him anymore. Life was just making him too damn tired to carry on anymore. All he wanted to do was lay down and be left alone on the cold pavement, but he had obligations to uphold. Dying wasn’t easy, but actually living was just as hard. People are almost always there trying to force you into living as some sort of moral obligation that they have in their minds to save everyone. Living was just as hard if not harder because you can be alive but not live.

He shouldered Nick on him as the other two covered them from the front. Nick was groaning in pain, but he tried to keep it to a low volume. The pain from the wound was incapacitating the conman. Ellis felt horrible that he gotten hurt on the account that he had to carry him while he was passed out. Every grunt or moan of pain ripped through him and made him feel guilty, and it brought him to tears again.

Nick tried to wipe away some of his tears and tried to comfort him unsuccessfully.

Another infected lurkered about. Fucking hunters loved to tease the survivors. It’s growls echoed across the highway. Rochelle and Coach on full edge, Nick and Ellis watched in concern. They carefully moved with caution. Ellis swore that it was getting louder and louder. He was beginning to panic, and Nick tried to calm him down slightly to no avail. Letting Nick go he ran a few yards away not being able to breath from the panic attack. The hunter using the separation to its advantage pounced on him. Rochelle shot it off almost as soon as it hopped on him, and it hadn’t even been five minutes since his last break down and he was actually choking on his tears. 

He felt broken. The day he tried to kill himself he’d broke the last shred of his sanity, and he didn’t know how to rebuild it. Confiding in Nick wasn’t what had set him off, no, it had been a long time coming. All the years of lying about how he’d felt, repressing himself into nothing, and trying not to be a burden for others had finally come to a halt. It scared the others to see him like this because that’s how good he was at hiding himself.

He didn’t know how much time had passed until he felt something cold on his arm. He jerked away from it, and looked at them. Rochelle had taken some of the med supplies out and it looked like she was doing heroin from what was out. A syringe was in her hand. He flung himself to get up and run, but got smacked on his forearms when he crashed onto the concrete. Coach had gotten ahold of his ankle and yanked him back. Coach had gotten him pinned onto his stomach. Rochelle was now cleaning the back of one of his arms with a sterilizing pad.

“I’m sorry son, but this is for your own good. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but we couldn’t think of anything else. You’re making too much noise and a bit too dangerous for yourself right now. I’m sorry,” Coach told him while holding him down on the pavement.

‘Goddamnit! I have no say in anything until I can speak again. They’re doing this all wrong!!!’ Nick yelled in his mind watching from a few feet away from the action. 

“I’m sorry sweetie,” she stuck the needle in and pushed down on the plunger. Ellis’ eyes dilated almost immediately. Enough painkillers were in his system to keep him sedated. Tears still fell from his eyes, but he could no longer scream about it or make comment of it. Nick frowned, this could have been handled differently. This *should* have been handled differently.

Coach got Ellis up to his feet, the kid could barely stand with the drugs in his system. The kid almost fell over while the old man was helping him up. He was helped over to Ellis and the two basically were limping together. There was a truckers rest stop ahead that they could stop at in a half a mile. Ellis and Nick looked like a couple of common infected from the way they walked, couldn’t speak, looked, and demeanor. The infected that did come to attack went straight for Rochelle and Coach like they could sense that there was no point in going after people who were like themselves. Like walking dead.

A piece of concrete flew at them. It was close to the rest stop. Coach turned to her long enough just to say, “Well you got your wish, now achieve your goals. I’m going to get them inside the building first.” He ran right over to the boys and used their existing shoulder hold and got in the middle and held onto them as he, practically, drug them inside the building.

Outside Rochelle was having the time of her life fighting the monster alone. The beast gave a mighty roar and charged at her. Hell was breaking loose like it did in Georgia. Rochelle had be quick enough to doge out of the way otherwise the monster would take her life. Between dodging and shooting she felt like the lead in an action movie. She had way more fun than she should have had fighting a literal monster.

When Coach came back out to lend her a hand she had a foot triumphantly on the tank’s body with a doofy grin on her face. He shook his head in disbelief and of disappointment for her enjoying it so damn much.

“Girl I better not have to worry about you too,” Coach waved her over, she obligated hopping over the monster and making her way over to him. “There is a safehouse in there with a ton of candy.”

“Nice! The boys good?” she asked skipping inside to get her mitts on some snowballs because snowballs have an expiration date, and she would be willing to go to Mexico in order to get them.

“Yup, they’re safe, but that’s about it. Nick’s pissy, but he can’t speak. On the other hand he found a notepad and pen so we’ll still have to deal with him. I think we should stay here until we run dry of food and drinks for both of their sakes,” Coach suggested walking in with her and closing up the front of the building. The saferoom was the women’s bathroom. No windows, but there were cots set up and a few tables and chairs with led lamps. Ellis had gone straight for the cots with the energy that he had left. Nick stayed there with him in the dimly lit room until Coach and Rochelle started carting in the goods into the room.

Better to be safe than sorry so they carted all the goods in the bathroom over the span of a few hours. For once Nick could not complain that he was injured for once because he did not want to do this manual labor like the other two. Watching them carry the stuff was even tiring for him. Adruigus and monotonis, it just seemed really boring. Fun fact it was. Rochelle had opted to chewing gum. Nick when he realized that he physically couldn’t smoke a cigarette. He wrote it on the notepad because he didn’t want the drug treatment that they gave to Ellis.

Rochelle, begrudgingly brought him an entire stack of notebooks and pens just for him. He thanked her with a lip sync type shit because writing thanks over and over again would get really old really fast. She told him that he’s welcome so he felt green lighted to do that for one or two word responses. Coach had gotten himself into a five pound bag of M&Ms in between trips. He had another bag out in the snack area.

There was some signs that Nick noticed that the safehouse was recently used by someone else. The ashtray was full, and there was a few empty packs of Pall Malls out on the table. Someone was here, like less than an hour before they arrived. By the looks of it, it looked like it was only a single person. He did investigate the stalls and toilets. It had been a women, and she currently lives here. He quickly wrote what he needed to say down because they could be back at any time now if they were only gone for a few hours at a time. Rochelle and Coach came back in with their hands held up. 

In the shadows he sees the figure of the women that was living here. He turned on another light to better illuminate himself and the room...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I aged down the characters quite significantly. Rochelle is 23, Ellis is 19, Nick is 24-5ish, and Coach is 40. I just did this so it was easier to write for me. I also wanted an aged down Nick to make Nikki and her brother older. Nikki is 31 or 32 I think from what I wrote yesterday. I have 40+ pages already written on top of this already. Ah the perks of not sleeping. Nikki's brother is I think...eh I forget and I'm too lazy to search through the document. 
> 
> Because I can't think of a relevant song for this chapter here is a random song I like,
> 
> Psycho Pass - Out of Control [Nothings Carved in Stone]
> 
> -that is the YouTube video name of the song. God I love that Anime.

“Nick?” She sounded surprised and confused, and Nick could recognize that voice anywhere. She let Coach and Rochelle go from gunpoint and walked into the light. He wrote down.

@Nikki

Long time no see Nikki

Nikki smiled, she was like the female version of Nick, or was Nick the male version of her because of you know feminism. She had grown her hair out a lot since the last time he saw her. Her black hair was down to her hips while in a ponytail. Like him she wore dress shoes and wore a skirt suit in the same color scheme as his. Yup they were basically carbon copies. She pointed at his neck, “I tried to get you into chokeplay for a couple years and you go and do it with a smoker.” Nick smiled and held back a laugh. The other two shrugged and proceeded to bring the other stuff in. Now including cigarettes otherwise Nikki would be pissed.

@Nikki

Happened earlier today, and no I never liked it

“Ah...musta got you perfectly around the neck,” she pointed out correctly, and Nick nodded agreeing. “I’ve somehow managed to live sofar all alone and fight them alone.” she moved suddenly taking her backpack off and pulling out a custom magnum and handed it to him. 

Nick grinned examining the gun. It had been a long time since he’d seen his favorite gun. He thought he’d lost it forever. His fingers ran over the smooth metal and felt the engravings that he had custom put on. Granted, he and Nikki had almost identical magnums because that was when they were still dating. Their wedding picture has them holding them. During most of their relationship they loved their guns more than eachother.

“I stole it from your bag when you were leaving the motel for the last time. I was really pissed off for a long time and I’m sorry. I know it’s been a few years, but I was going to the same riverboat you were to return it. Never did get down there, I’ve been here the entire time. Going to a grocery store once and awhile to get more Pall Malls, spam, and some other things that aren’t here.

@Nikki 

While I’m still pissed at you, thank you, for giving me this back. Even though we were great at our jobs together our relationship was too horrible and abusive to get back together. You drugged me to have sex, and I slept with your brother on a regular basis. I mean I’ve come to realize that yeah I’m gay Nikki. I like men, and that’s probably had to be on a substance to sleep with you.

He handed her the notebook with a frown on his face. Her expression turned to one of disappointment, but laughed shortly after. “We got something more in common then. We both like dick,” Nick gave her a half hearted smile. “Is the big man free?”

@Nikki

No, he’s married to someone who’s currently out of the country.

She laughed, “Well I’m pretty persuasive.” She sat down on the chair next to him and pulled out one of her cigarettes and lit it seductively, Nick shook his head rolling his eyes playfully. “Well you stayed with me as long as you did.

@Nikki

Money was good, and damn your brother.

She blew smoke in his face.

@Nikki

That doesn’t bother me because I still smoke, but I can’t until my throat heals up a bit.

“Well if you want to be a bottom top to him then losing some weight can’t hurt. My brother knows where I am because we both know morse code, and we message eachother at first night,” she held up her pager with her other hand. She took his hand, “Maybe you two will get it on in front of me because I haven’t found a porno shop yet and I’m porn starved Nicky.”

Nick rolled his eyes and yanked his hand back.

@Nikki

No. No. No. NO!

She frowned and didn’t speak to him and just focused on her cigarette. Nick got up from the table to check on Ellis. Poor kid had gotten drugged up pretty good, and fell asleep with no blanket or pillow. Before he went to grab those he checked his breathing to make sure that he wasn’t in a serious overdose. Satisfied he got him a pillow and gently lifted his head and rubbed a few dried up tears off of his face.

Nick hated taking mind altering substances, and of course to be a really good player he had to drink at the table otherwise nobody else would. That means nobody else would get drunk so that he could swoop in for the money. He’d occasionally have a drink or two socially, but he didn’t enjoy being on the stuff because it made him feel worse. He’d also had some bad experiences while on the juice. He couldn’t imagine how Ellis was handling the effects of the drugs. The drugs either have unpleasant dizzying symptoms to make him want to go to bed right away, or it just makes you fatigued. Either way it wasn’t pleasant. The blankets were a thick woolen type, itchy, and very dark green. He blanketed the blanket on top of Ellis’ sleeping frame. Before returning to the table he pet him a tad. He wore a frown in his sleep.

Taking his seat back at the table he started thinking about ways to try and help him because he couldn’t communicate that well to the rest of the group. If they were in the middle of doing something they wouldn’t stop or take the time out to read his notebook. A realization just struck him. He wouldn’t be able to move once he’d go to bed because his neck would stiffen up to the point to where even breathing would be agonizingly painful. There would be no helping Ellis from their bad ideas if he can’t even move his face.

Deep in thought he didn’t realize that Nikki was staring at him. She got his attention by taking his notebook and writing: What’s wrong? I can tell it’s something serious because I’ve only seen you like this a couple of other times.

Gently he took the notebook back from her and wrote down his message.

@Nikki

I’m worried about Ellis, the one who’s asleep. The other two are trying to help him, but they’re going to make it so much worse if they keep this up. He’s I don’t know how to put it correctly...if I had to guess he’s extremely depressed with high levels of anxiety today. 

She paused in deep thought after reading the message and took the notebook back to write her reply to him.

You can’t do anything to stop them because you can’t communicate effectively. I see, I see. I’ll try to help you. I don’t think most people realize that being a scumbag teaches you a lot more than ripping people off. We know more about life then normal people.

Nick shut his eyes and nodded and wrote down.

@Nikki

Something you can’t learn in a classroom or if you’re not deep in the shit.

She smirked, and quietly whispered, “I’ll do what I can.” Just in the nick of time because the other two returned with the last of the stuff. Nick watched the three of them baraccade off the door. When they returned to the table Nick broke out his deck of cards. Oh how the two con artists had been looking forward to an evenly matched game of poker.

Rochelle and Coach had been eliminated fairly quickly from the game. Rochelle lost her watch to Nick, and the only box of tampons to Nikki. Coach lost his his credit and debit cards to Nikki, and his shirt to Nick who promptly lit it on fire before the next round. He and Rochelle were sick of the polo shirt and had tried to convince him many times to get something else.

Pointing at the conman who had just lit the fire with a minical smirk he vowed, “I will destroy your suit if it’s the last thing I do Nick.” He was pissed because he really didn't think that Nick or Rochelle would make good on destroying the top. Rochelle had been cheering the entire time, and he swore in his mind to destroy her Depeche Mode top as well.

Three hours into playing Rochelle started to get irritated by how long the game was taking. Nikki had messaged her brother at some point during this time. Nick had lost his wedding ring to her and she’d lost her ponytail holder to him, but they were still in the game. “You really kept your wedding ring?” Rochelle raised a brow. Using his free hand he wrote down.

@Rochelle

Women are very thirsty. Even though there a lot of women that are turned on by married men if you say you don’t want them when your single you’ll get slapped.

“Well when you’re a women that doesn’t matter you’ll still get hit or murdered for rejecting a guy,” she explained her side to him. Nikki nodded and raising the stakes of the game. 

“Yeah, I’ve gotten a few death threats before. On our wedding day we had to get some stuff out of my wedding dress because one of them tried to kill me for not marrying him,” She kept her eyes on her cards the entire time. Nick nodded once in agreement.

“How did you two even get married if I saw you two at the altar I’d be calling the police because I’d think that two siblings were getting married,” Rochelle joked around, earning a laugh from Coach and a glare from Nikki.

“My brother actually looks nothing like him,” she sassed back squinting her eyes.

“I was just playing with you two,” she apologized. Nick sighed internally, Rochelle just accidentally made an enemy. The two decided to quit their game shortly after in a tie, and divied up their loot equally. Nick ended up getting his wedding band back in the end.

Before going to bed Nick set up the bed with a lot of blankets to be more comfortable when he woke up. Rochelle gave him a couple of muscle relaxers in a cup of water with a green crazy straw before he went to lie down. Drinking the nasty milky water as fast as he could he nearly choked on the bitter substance. He laid down on the cot once he was finished. Everyone else, but Coach was asleep. There wasn’t any need for watch other then to make sure someone doesn’t try to run away or eat an entire buffet of pills.

He couldn’t close his eyes because he didn’t want to sleep only to wake up in pain the next day. Those pills made it quick for him to not be able to move out of sheer exhaustion, and drug his eyelids down with no fight………………….

He’d just been drugged, and he hadn’t felt more betrayed in his entire life. Everything was cloudy and hazy and he couldn’t tell what was going on anymore. Like his senses were operating at minimum capacity. Coach took him and Nick into the building, and he saw a cot so he was going to go and lay down on it. The room was spinning and he was tired. He woke up to Nick yelling in pain in the morning. Deciding to play asleep a little longer he stayed still because he didn’t feel like interacting with anybody. He just remembered that Nick had been nearly choked to death yesterday.

Rochelle was trying to calm him down by whispering to him, but he must of been in a lot of pain because it didn’t sound like he’d heard her, but the cries stop abruptly. However the next thing he heard was someone falling on the floor.

‘He’s having a seizure’ Ellis thought. It was from the pain that he was in. Bad enough to cause a seizure which meant that he could die from it because it’s putting enough strain on the body and heart. A hand pet the top of his head. Long, narrow fingers raked through his hair. It couldn’t be Rochelle’s because she was in another part of the room, and he didn’t think Coach had lost 100 pounds overnight. Who was there with them?

“I can’t believe he didn’t wake up from that!” Rochelle sounded panicked almost. The lady next to him held back a laugh that came out as a huff. She knew that he was awake, but had decided to stay where he was. Admittable she had to admire that level of ability to stay that still during that. She kept running her hand through his hair to comfort him.

“Well according to you Nick you drugged him up pretty damn good. I served a couple of years for doing that shit and I even refused to make some a walking corpse,” she spoke to Rochelle lifting her hand up to cross her arms.

“We didn’t know what to do,” Rochelle tried to reason with her. The women’s heels clicked against the tile floor to make her way to Rochelle.

“Bullshit! You just didn’t want to deal with the problem. You two just went to fix it like it was duct tape to a boat with a hole,” she chastised Rochelle in a similar way that Nick would.

“Calm down Nikki,” Coach cautioned her. “Yelling at Rochelle isn’t going to do anything to make Nick or Ellis better.”

Nikki? The Nikki that Nick was once married to?

“It will make me feel better by yelling at her, and you had just as much of a hand in this tons of fun!” Nikki yelled at Coach as well. He could tell that she was pissed by how much she was pacing around the room. 

“I would’ve believed that the two of you were twins if one of you had a reassignment surgery because that’s how similar you two act and talk like!” Rochelle blew Nikki’s fuse with that he could tell. He rolled over and opened his eyes to the scene. Nikki had stopped moving and she did look like Nick with the same outfit style and features. Rochelle was knelt next to Nick on the ground.

Sighing Ellis got out of his cot not grabbing anyone’s attention, like he was unimportant. “Will you two stop fighting!” he yelled at the two of them with his fists curled up against his sides. The three of them turned to Ellis. “Just stop it! Rochelle you shouldn’t have jabbed at Nikki and Nikki shouldn’t have taken her anger out on you, but that isn’t going to solve anything! We ain’t doctors! We don’t have the knowledge to treat a seizure other then to make sure that he’s alright when he’s awake so stop pissing around with something that you don’t know!” His entire face was flushed red with anger.

“He’s right Ro,” Coach spoke next, but Ellis turned to his next victim of his anger rampage.

“AND YOU!” he pointed. “You and Ro ain’t even treating me like a person! You two’er treaten me like I’m not even a person! Quit lying to me, and never fucking do that shit that you did yesterday ever again!!! Some days are worse then others, but that doesn’t mean I should be treated like I’m two!”

They quickly shut up. Even Nikki shut up to not become a target of his anger. They’d ducked their heads and looked away in shame quickly. Ellis went back to his cot and sat back down on it. He buried his face in his palms and silently cried because he felt awful that he’d yelled at the others. It’s not something he intended to do, it just happened and that was it. What he’d said was true, but that didn’t mean that it hurt any less.

Nobody dared speak or move for a couple of hours. It just seemed like nobody knew what to do, or had the courage to do anything. Ellis mentally beat himself up over lashing out on everyone. He couldn’t help himself but to do that to himself because he couldn’t control those thoughts as much as it pains him to think those things. 

Nikki was plotting her next move. Despite all the hurt her and Nick have inflicted on one another she couldn’t deny that they were at the very least best friends who’d once been married. She made Nick look like a kitten compared to the things she’d done. Being a few years his senior she knew more about the lifestyle and was even more cutthroat than most of the people in her profession, or rather one of the most dangerous people to piss off. However, she had a deep respect for Nick and she owed him a lot more then he knew and more then she’d willingly admit. Because of all of that she would help him in any way she could, and that currently was protecting Ellis from being drugged of restrained to something. She had her work cut out for her on this one.

Rochelle was stunned because Ellis had never lashed out on anyone before like that, and she knew that he was right. They were treating him like he was too incompetent to even know where they were going to go, and worrying about things that were completely out of their control. She rubbed her thumb over the tops of her boot. She didn’t know what to do and that terrified her. The reporter wasn’t used to being quite useless in a situation, that...that was the thing that upset her the most. Coach felt guilty in his part of drugging Ellis, but he would’ve summoned up a hoard if he hadn’t been quieted down. He just wasn’t good at this sort of thing.

The sound of silence was deafening. 

Silence of the room gave them the ability to become hyper aware of everyone’s slight movements and breathing. It was uncomfortable in the bathroom.

Nick began to stir with pained moans and rolling around on the ground. His eyes cracked open and he took in the sight of his team. From his perspective he thought that shit had just gone down and that he’d only fainted temporarily. It took him a few moments to realize that had been a while ago because no one did anything or attempted to move when he went to sit up off of the ground. His throat was sore, swollen, spasming, and in pain. He still couldn’t speak, even more so now with the screaming that he’d done earlier. 

The conman took his shoe off and threw it against the wall to get everyone's attention. It did work, but all it did was cause them to look at him. He raised his brows and moved his lips to see if someone would get the hint to tell him what the fuck was going on. They didn’t or wouldn’t catch on or do it so he threw his arms up.

Nikki sat down at the card table and opened a can of lemon juice. She took a few sips before turning back to Nick. “We argued after you slipped into a seizure. I can imagine that you’re thirsty. I’ll grab you a pop soon. It’ll feel good on your throat,” She sipped at her drink while speaking.

Ellis rubbed his face miserable apologizing, “I’m sorry.” Nobody replied back to him or acknowledged it making him feel even worse. Nick didn’t count due to his bewildered stare around the room. The conman stood up and went and grabbed his notebook to write to everyone. It took him a couple of minutes to write down what he wanted to say.

@Everyone

We need to start trying to work together to communicate more efficiently. I should be able to start talking briefly in a day or two, but for now I can’t, and it sure as hell seems like me speaking was the glue that kept everyone coherently together.

@Rochelle

Calm down and think a bit more ahead then the immediate future as contradictory as that seems.

@Ellis 

Think about now, not the future for now.

@Coach

Take charge, you’re the leader of the group by default. It was never me, Ellis, or Rochelle, just you. We rely on you, and we need you more than ever.

@Nikki 

Take deep breaths and calm down before you do something you regret.

He flipped the notebook around for everyone to see what he’d wrote to them, and made sure that everyone read what he had to say to them.

Taken back by what Nick had wrote to him Coach had to reevaluate his position in the group. He never thought of himself as the leader of the group, but it made sense once he thought about it. Leading the others through obstacles, and offering words of wisdom to them at the gloomer times. He’d somehow convinced Nick to jump into the sewers in the under the river tour. Hell, he would’ve shoved Nick a second later if he hadn’t jumped in when he did. It unsettled him that he was now self aware of his position in relation to the rest of the group. Nick was right on that.

The bruisis on Nick’s throat had traveled along in a waterfall like pattern on the untouched parts of his neck. The whites of his eyes were red, and he was pale. He didn’t look like he was in good shape, but the show must go on. Rochelle supposed that the words that were given to her were good advice for her, she found it almost comical that Ellis’ were almost the exact opposite.

Nikki smirked at her advice knowing the many of times that she had done something that she’d done out of anger. One of the funniest that she remembered doing to Nick was getting a sample of gonorrhea and infecting Nick with it. It took a couple weeks to see the results of it, but her brother had also gotten it as well and that’s when she found out about their relationship. She’d given him the disease because he refused to have sex almost everyday save for maybe the one day a month when she’d convince him after he’d drank a pint of wine. She decided to do nothing with that knowledge and went about her day per normal with him. Honestly she didn’t care if her husband at the time was a closeted gay fucking with her brother. It was when she got sexally frustrated with him that their relationship went sour. 

Ellis didn’t care to dwell on his advice and decided to grab a tub of cotton candy, Monster, and a giant six pound bag of Skittles. Everyone slowly went to doing different things after that. He ate some of the Skittles, but settled to cleaning out a few more tubs of cotton candy and started sorting out that bag because it was relaxing to him, and then he did another because the jars weren’t filled up yet. He even was working on another one when Nikki took the third bag out of his grasp and put it away having grown tired of the constant clicking sound that the candy’s shells made when they hit eachother.

Rochelle watched from a distance finding Ellis doing the monotonous task amusing. He’d taken careful care to make sure that each skittle was in the proper container. Coach couldn’t help, but to think of how much he wanted to dump them out into a tray and scatter them. Nick had settled into a nap after giving his bits of advice.

“It was annoying as fuck to hear those little fuckers kid,” Nikki explained her actions setting the bag under a few different things. 

“Is there anything to read then?” he asked her in return shifting to get on his cot and sit down on it. She gave him a faint smile and went over to a box in the corner next to the handicapped stall and reached into it.

“Classic, or contemporary?” she asked for his preference, and he shrugged and so she picked the first thing on top. Handing him the book she had to say, “I read this one and thought it was alright, but I don’t like reading very much. It just got lonely in here all alone.”

“Thank you,” he took the book from her hand. Investigating the cover the book was called Of Mice and Men. He’d already read this back in high school, but he didn’t want to cause her any more trouble so he began to read it. Passing the time helped by reading it as well.

Lennie was a mentally challenged co-main character in the story. While the story was mostly told from George’s perspective it was really about Lennie. The story follows the two during the great depression get jobs as farm hands, but Lennie doesn’t realize how strong he really was. George was truly his guardian and caretaker, and the only person who’d really try to understand Lennie and could accurately calm him down. Lennie had accidently killed plenty of mice and rats. He was to receive a puppy in the litter of the property owner’s dog, but he’d accidentally killed it, and then the farmer’s wife. Terrified Lennie had ran off and George had found him before everyone else on the farm had. Told him about the farm with all of the bunnies that they’d had on it one day he told Lennie to look at the flowers and really picture their dreams really come true. Lennie did what he was told and George shot him point blank with the luger that he’d taken off of one of the other men. He did this once he was sure that Lennie was happy and calm. George knew that Lennie would’ve been slowly tortured and murdered by the landowner that were a few steps behind him when he’d put Lennie down.

This made Ellis think would he be like Lennie in his situation? Would the others go and do this to him if they thought it would be the best thing for everyone? He shook his head, the thought was even too irrational even for him, but it lingered in the back of his mind because he really didn’t trust Coach or Rochelle after they’d drugged him. After finishing the book he looked up to the others chatting, but decided to stay out of it.

Casting his gaze to the other side of the room he just stared without looking. The blank kind of stare. He wanted to be alone, and not around the others. 

‘If you get up you can grab a baggie with some of the pills and take them because they aren’t paying any mind to what your doing right now’ the depression talked in his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

‘I’ll just grab another pack of Newports and another book while I’m up because I’m fine’ he reasoned with himself. The depressed side of him started laughing at him in his head. Going into the Monster energy drink reserves he stood up off the cot and went into the book bin. He sifted through it and saw Lord of the Flies and gave a slight laugh thinking about how it related to his current situation, but he ended up picking out 1984 to read. He’d been meaning to read it for awhile and no better time to read it then the present. Taking it out of the box he snatched himself a new box of smokes and a brand new lighter.

Settling himself back down on the cot he lit up his cigarette before going into the book. From the card table Rochelle pointed at him low enough to where he couldn’t see it out of the corner of his eye. “Damn he reads fast,” she whispered.

@Rochelle

He said he reads a lot typically. 

Nick wrote down.

“Still he read the other book in like an hour and a half. I would’ve killed to be able to read that fast when I was younger when I was in college,” she was jealous of Ellis’ reading ability.

“You get faster and better at things if you do them often little sister,” Coach shrugged, this time their gambling involved using candy as chips, and different limited goods as their goals of wager. Nick wasn’t dumb enough to bet his suit, Coach was going to have trouble getting to destroy the damned thing. Rochelle pouted at the notion.

“He’s right you get really good at the things you do often otherwise me and Nick were just really talented,” Nikki tried to boost her confidence.

@Nikki

You know that we were always really good at our shit.

He handed that note to her under the table, she laughed after reading it.

“What’s funny Nikki?” Coach inquired to the sudden outburst. She waved a hand off playfully.

“I was just thinking about how handsome you are without your shirt on,” she lied with flirtation, and Nick had to smile at how good she was at that. With his confidence boosted Coach sat up straighter, and promptly lost to her in the next five minutes. Yup she was good at her job, but she was being honest with the flirtation. Good lies always have some degree of truth to them to be believable. Bad lies are always completely made up.

“How did you two meet?” Rochelle asked Nikki because Nick was kind of pointless in talking to since he couldn’t answer back right away. At least that was her reasoning unless Nikki was going to lie about it then she wait impatiently for Nick’s side of the story.

Nikki shifted and closed her eyes smiling. “We met at a high end casino playing a game of Ante up. We ended up eliminating everyone else who joined in. We were playing so long that the house let millionaires join the game because that was the only people who could afford the buy in. We eventually got too tired to play and settled for our pots which was in the hundreds of millions when we quit. Oh, you should have seen the employees after that because we got treated like royalty after that game. They also thought we were married so we played along with it to scam the house out of money. In the free penthouse that we got for the night we agreed to start working together to get the money out of people. You’d say that it’s quite ridiculous to gamble when we were both filthy rich after that night, but the lifestyle really is addicting once you really get into it. I felt no different about the money when we had it all vs when we threw it down the drain quite honestly. Gambling and conning was the best.” She reminisced, and Nick nodded smiling. 

It really had been a great night. Their relationship had been one for business at first, but over time it grew and they got married. It was only a short while in their relationship that Nick discovered that he wasn’t attracted to his wife, and that he was to his brother in law. Nick didn’t see that one coming at all. He’d never been attracted to women or thought about them really, but he did have his fair share of one night stands and dates with them up until that point. It was on his wedding day that his new brother in law had kissed him unexpectedly right after the ceremony away from the rest of the people. Since that day their relationship grew. He was 20 at the time and he and Nikki had remained married until their divorce when he was 23. He and Nikki’s older brother had broken up almost a year before that when he found out he’d been cheated on. 

Needless to say it was an interesting few years for him. His previous marriages came from before that. He’d refused to date anyone since he and Nikki had split because of the grief and heartache that came from their relationship. He’d gotten laid quicker then he ever did in his entire life because he was that desperate to fuck when people were beginning to panic. Nick didn’t know how he’d react to her brother once he would show up.

In the beginning of their relationship he’d never noticed that Nikki’s brother was abusive to him. He’d just been so happy to be with someone he found attractive. Needless to say Nick found out that he was gay on his wedding day, but stayed with Nikki regardless. It was small things in the beginning like how he wanted things to move faster in the beginning. When they first had sex together, it hadn’t been the first time they did the dirty together. He’d coerced Nick into doing it before he was ready.

Nick never noticed until the end of their relationship on how fucked up it was. Nikki’s brother beat him when he had forgot to pick up salsa on the way to his apartment. He threatened to murder Nick when he found out he got that STI. For his birthday he gave Nick a book on how to lose weight and made him only eat salad when he was around him. Nick never noticed or cared because he felt like he was on extacy from all his winnings and finally realizing his sexuality. When Nick walking in on being cheated on he broke up with him and Nikki’s brother never tried to contact him since then.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavy plot/angst/foreshadowing because I've written 30 pages ahead. More Nikki and Nick background information. Rochelle is mom. Coach pretty much refuses to be leader anymore leaving it up to basically Nikki and Rochelle because Nick can't speak and nobody trusts Ellis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite this story and a lot of elements being very personal to me I found it easier to talk about it through a diffused distanced state of 'oh this is the character and they're just really similar to me' and it really does help me identify my emotions and moods too so if you don't like it, don't read.
> 
> Never Too Late
> 
> -Three Days Grace

After their game ended with another tie between the two seasoned vets Nick sat down with Ellis on his cot. Although Ellis didn’t particularly want to talk he would allow the conversation to take place. Placing a wrapper in the book to mark of the page that he was on he set it down off to the side to give Nick his full attention to not be rude. After his attention was returned Nick began writing down in the notebook.

@Ellis

How’s it going today?

Ellis sighed, “Alright, I guess. What about you?”

@Ellis

I still can’t speak, and I had a seizure so I guess as good as that can be.

The sound of the pen on paper was nice, the conman liked the feel of the gel pen on the paper. It made it so much easier to write than with pencil. Ellis smiled a little bit in the tad of humor that Nick intended there to be. It would’ve been much easier to tell if he was saying it instead. “I can see why cuz it seems like a pain in the ass to have to write down everything that you have to say while listening,” Ellis sympathized with him on the whole communication thing. People didn’t listen to what he said, and people couldn’t understand Nick unless he wrote it down.

@Ellis

It really is. I can’t wait to be able to speak again, but do you mind my company? I kinda want to hang around someone that doesn’t feel bad that I got hurt.

“You and me both,” Ellis murmured, he picked the book back up to read and Nick sketched around a bit in the notebook. He made a little comic about how the number 7 was a murderer because he ate 9, and other small ones too based off of sayings or jokes. The drawings were really crude like a typical sixth grader had done it. Eventually Nick nodded off and resting on Ellis’ shoulder, and Ellis didn’t mind none about it because it was nice to enjoy someone's presence that treated him like he was normal and not a fuse loose that needed protecting from himself.

When Ellis finished the book he set it to the side and wrapped a blanket around Nick. He didn’t want to disturb him by moving around too much. Ellis has come to really cherish the friendship that he had with the older man. Nick may make fun of him at times, but it wasn’t meant to be hurtful like some of the offhand comments that the other two can make to him. When they had entered the Bienville Park in New Orleans Coach had pointed out the sign that said: Report the sick. Ellis had echoed the line in the form of a question and Rochelle had responded: They mean the infected, not in the head. Like what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Ellis brushed that comment away by not responding at all to it, but hell if it hadn’t hurt him. 

He brushed a stray lock of Nick’s hair behind his ear. In the couple of weeks they’d been together he could say that he wanted a haircut, but didn’t need it. His hair was just at a length that he considered annoying because he couldn’t get some of it out from his eyes They’d been fortunate enough to have their own razors, and unlike the other men he didn’t need to shave everyday like them. It took him a week to get what they got in an afternoon.

Watching from the other side of the bathroom he saw Nikki blow her smoke in Rochelle’s face. Rochelle grimaced as well as Coach. With Nikki also being a smoker Rochelle and Coach were outnumbered on the non existent vote of smoking indoors. Nick however, was more on the non smokers side of having them smoke outside on the account that smoking was really bad for your health. Nikki was getting off of Rochelle’s disgust based off the way that she smirked at Rochelle’s every discusted squirm and quiver.

Nikki was a psychopath. She really had no regard for anyone else, not even Nick. At times she does seem to care, but because she is a master at manipulation she only uses people to get what she wants. That was something Nick had not known about his ex. She didn’t tell anyone, but the therapist that she saw before the all of this had happened. Since she was a bad person they’d helped her make a checklist of things to do that is nice for other people. Giving Nick back his gun was at the top of the list, being nice was to be for her brother, but since she’d fucked Nick over more times than she could count she’d do it for him. Besides her brother had screwed her over more.

Ellis smoothed out a crease in Nick’s collar so that the fold wouldn’t set in. While it was funny to see Nick freak out over his suit and it’s cleanliness, he liked to see Nick happier in a clean unwrinkled suit. Soothingly taking care of Nick in his sleep. He didn’t mind that he’d fallen asleep on him just because Nick was Nick, if it’d been anyone else he would have woken them up to get them off of him.

Getting away from the smoke Rochelle went over to Ellis who was currently not smoking.

‘Oh god please don’t talk to me’ Ellis prayed futility in his mind as she came closer and closer wearing a smile that grew.

“Hey sweetie!” she greeted sitting down in front of him. She pointed at Nick asking rhetorically, “Did he fall asleep on you?”

Ellis glanced at him and nodded back at Rochelle quickly, “Ummm, yeah. He’s just really weak I think right now...because of the uh...smoker that got him yesterday.”

“That’s totally understandable, but I have no idea how he lived through that because it looked like it hurt really bad. I honestly thought that it would’ve collapsed the airway when he got grabbed,” she pointed out her insecurities about the situation involving Nick. There had been a real possibility that Nick wouldn’t have been able to walk away from that one.

“I had no idea what’d happened until after the fact,” Ellis replied with a fake smile and a nervous laugh. To him it felt like he was always told after the fact when something happened with the group. Even before all of this happened, living at home, with friends, or whatever it felt like he was always told after the fact or not at all. It was frustrating coming home and being asked why you weren’t packed to leave for the weekend when you were never told.

“Yeah…” she reached out and rubbed his arm, Ellis tensed up the moment her hand made contact with his arm. “You were kind of asleep though.”

“Ya coulda woke me up after I dozed off,” he said bitterly causing Rochelle to drop her arm in shame. He’d put her into an awkward pinch in the conversation.

“We thought that you needed some more sleep,” she quickly defended her, Nick, and Coach. She’d leaned back and had ran a hand in her hair.

“Or…” Ellis started closing his eyes to sigh, fighting the urge to cry at what he was about to say. “You three didn’t want me to be awake because you guys felt bad for me...and didn’t want to deal with me...because it would make you guys, feel worse.”

She turned her face away blushing with shame.

‘So I’m right…’ he thought, and he really didn’t wish that he was because knowing is pain. He envied the ignorant and their bliss. Life was hell. Life was bullshit. Life was pain. Life was dying. Life was shutting the fuck up then dying. Life was an actual hell.

“Don’t feel bad for me,” he said with emptiness. “I don’t want your pity...None of it.”

She turned back to him as he rose his voice and stood up, and she started to walk away when she said to him, “Haven’t you ever thought that this was all in your head, and that you brought this on yourself.”

His eyes widened and the tears silently fell from his eyes and washed his face of the dust, dirt, and grease. That was the most hurtful thing that someone had ever said to him up to this point in his life. He couldn’t move or speak as the shock passed through him. It echoed in his head. Yes, he’d thought that before, but to hear it out loud from someone else was another thing. It physically pained him to the point that his stomach started aching in pain even before she re-joined the rest back at the table. The words were only confirmation in his mind that he was a fuck up.

Tears dribbled onto Nick’s forehead waking him up slowly. Ellis felt it when Nick woke up because he wrapped his arms around Ellis tightly and brought his head down to his chest so that he could cry in peace. Nick didn’t know why Ellis was crying, but he wanted to be there for him so that was what he’d do. He couldn’t talk to ask what’s wrong, or try to make the pain go away, but he did what he could. Holding him there slowly rocking him in his arms feeling the warmth seep into his shirt. Some time had passed and Ellis drifted off to sleep after having cried himself to sleep cuddled up to Nick’s chest.

Nick stayed like this for awhile, holding Ellis, stroking his hair, and listening to his heartbeat. He had to admit that he had feelings for him. It was back in the tunnel of love that he started to feel for him. The smile on his face when he’d turned back to him to wrap up a laceration that he’d gotten from tripping over a part of a swan float. Ellis had come back, looking so perfect in that light and helped him back up………..

Nick tripped and completely wiped out onto the ground. He faintly heard Coach berating him for wearing dress shoes while he walked away. Well...he deserved that for the comment of the cheeseburger. Rochelle went ahead with Coach with a faint ‘I’m sorry’ smile on her face, holding a bit of nervousness. She didn’t want to leave Coach to get ambushed. Nick sighed and sank into the ground a bit. Ellis turned to him and smiled, and it took his breath away. He went over to the older man and held out a hand for him.

“Can’t be leaving you behind, now don’t worry, Ellis got ya,” Nick took Ellis’ hand and Ellis helped him to his feet. Back on his feet he pulled out his magnum back out and gave him a warm smile not being able to say anything like a school boy/girl. Ellis grabbed his left arm to hold him back when he went to go move again. “Hey you’re bleeding!” he said concerned, and was taking of his medkid quickly.

“Ummm...You don’t need to,” Nick felt warmth creep up on his face and hoped that Ellis didn’t see it. Being too absorbed in his task, Ellis had not seen the blush.

“Oh nonsense Nick,” Ellis laughed rolling the bandages on. “It’s alright to get hurt. You musta clipped it just right on the metal on the sides. It’s all good.”

“Thank you,” Nick mumbled his heartbeat raced in his chest and he thought that Ellis had heard it. He was so sure that he had heard it that he was biting his lip.

“It’s of no trouble Nick,” he reassured the conman. Although at the time Ellis didn’t believe it he told Nick, “I’m sure that you’d be right there for me when I need you.”.........................

And he was there for him now, running his fingers through Ellis’ hair as he slept. Even though Ellis had meant it more in the sense of injury he finally believed that Nick would be there for him emotionally. It was strange that in a day that he put his trust completely in the conman. Nick sighed as he realized that it was his time to get up and let Ellis rest on his own. He gently lowered him into the lying position on the bed, and took the blanket off from around himself and laid it on Ellis, tucking him in getting one last look of his serene sleeping form before walking over to his own cot. 

Nikki stopped him in the middle of his trip back to his cot to pull him aside to talk. Coach and Rochelle had just gone to bed recently as well. She led him to the stall furthest away from everything. Damn if trucker rest stops weren’t big. She spun around and handed him a clipboard so he could write faster. 

“My brother should be here tomorrow with his group. I wanted to tell you that I didn’t tell him that you were here…at least not til he gets here. I don’t want to lose him, but...I don’t want you to get hurt as well…” she crossed her arms and looked away. Nick wrote:

@Nikki

When did you find out?

If he would have been able to speak it would’ve been said with cold indifference. She purses her lips. 

“When I gave you that STD on purpose...I found out that way, when he was bitching about having one,” she shifted uncomfortably. “However…I confronted him about it when you started coming home every night covered in different bruises…I mean what the hell Nick?!? You never complained at all or talked back to him when he was doing this to you!...I almost killed him because you were too nïeve to realize that he was going to one day kill you! I told him that if he laid another hand on you, that I would kill him...so that’s why he never came after you when you two broke up. I really do think that he would’ve murdered you otherwise, and you wouldn’t have been the first boyfriend that he’d murdered before either...I’ve had to help him before with the coverup. He even told me after we divorced that he was close to killing you when you two were together.”

Nick froze during her rant and he knew that she was right. Only after he’d broken up with him that he realized that he was being abused, but he’d never noticed or cared to realize it. In essence he felt really guilty for having put Nikki in that situation years ago with him. Nikki was pissed off at the time because she nearly lost the person that she was using to make the most money with.

@Nikki

I never noticed how abusive he was until after I broke up with him. I really didn’t know that he was that close to murdering me though, even with all of the introspection that I’ve done. 

Nikki sighed,”You were really young when we got married...hell you were married three times before that as well. I mean I was young too, but you’re almost six years younger then me and sixteen years younger than him. I really do believe that I fucked you up for life the night we met.” 

She held immense regret for taking Nick and training him into being a master con artist, or so her therapist had told her that she should hold. He had potential being a master at the card table, but she took him to the next level. Taught him that relationships are just for gain, and that when he is in one that it’s ok to be beaten and told what to do. 

The two of them had imagined their reunion much more violent, with yelling and screaming. They just didn’t have it in them. The moment they’d saw eachother the energy was zapped out of them and they just didn’t have it in them to fight anymore. They were tired of the pain. Their relationship started failing when Nick went out to gamble all day and night. Nikki had already known that their relationship was doomed since she found out about the beatings and had taken up day drinking. 

@Nikki

I never once blamed you for how my life turned out. 

She looked him straight in the eye, “For now…” and left him by walking off to her own cot. Nick couldn’t help but wonder the implications of that statement…...………………………..

Ellis woke up in the middle of the night. He just opened his eyes awake in the darkness of the room. They kept one of the lamps on at all times to see where they were going in the dark room. He rolled into his back and looked around the room. Nobody was awake on watch. The voice in the back of his head crept up again.

‘You can get up right now and grab a bottle of the painkillers and nobody would even notice they were gone’ his own voice reasoned with him. 

‘They’ll find out and they have a bunch narcan to keep reviving me until it wears off’ Ellis defended. 

‘That’s why you take the big bottle and take the entire damn thing at once’ his voice mocked at him. 

‘I mean it can’t be that bad to just to have them in my possession’ the voice was winning. It felt like it was stroking his hair and purring in his ear.

‘That’s right and make sure they’re hidden out of sight or in checking areas in case they realize it’s gone’ it laughed at him. 

Paranoid, Ellis took a good look around the room making sure that everyone was asleep before he sat up. He swung his legs over, still wearing his boots. The last time he took them off was right after getting on Virgil’s boat in the storm. He didn’t take them off when he was passed out because he couldn’t. Quietly he made his way over to Rochelle’s bag and pulled out a bottle of pills and let the name in shine in the light. 

Benadryl. 

The name brought back memories………………..

He’d just come back home from the shop, all alone to the house. “Hello?!? Ma? Daniel?” Ellis called for his mom and brother before setting his keys down on the counter. His father was away on training. It’s not like it was uncommon for him to come home to an empty house, but today he didn’t want to be alone. 

As soon as he’d shut the door the thoughts started. He couldn’t get them out of his head. It kept chanting ‘Attention seeking, ugly, lying, bitch’ again and again. Haunting his every movement in the house. When he got to his room he slid down the back of the door and covered his ears, humming. He hoped that it would drown out the voice in his head that attacked, but it didn’t. 

It yelled over him to where he couldn’t think. He hunched over pressing his forehead to the ground crying. “Just stop,” He inaudible told himself. “Just stop.” He repeated. Sitting up onto his knees he’d already knew what he was going to do. 

A razor and pair of scissors would be too dull and his neighbors would hear it, but pills...pills wouldn’t make a sound. In the medicine cabinet in the shared bathroom he took out the benadryl and shook the can. He took the bottle back to his room. Leaning back up against the door he sniffled and began bawling. Locking the door with one hand, staring at the pills with the other. 

The voice kept tormenting him and got louder. He opened up the bottle and it shortened to say ‘attention seeker’. Dumping the pills in his hand he noticed that there were only 10 of them. He took them dry. His family would eventually find the suicide notes on his computer. They’d find out that he was miserable and had wanted to die for a long time. The amount of pills, however, would not be enough. He knew it wouldn’t be. 

‘But maybe I’m different’ he thought while shaking. He stayed there on the ground until he heard knocking on the front door. 

“ELLLLLLLLLIS!!!” He heard Keith yell from outside. Ellis got up using the door as heavy duty support to pick him back up. His head was light and his body was heavy. The grogginess was taking over him. Strange noises were to be heard...hallucinations. “I KNOW THAT YOU’RE HERE!!!”

He got to the door, leaning on it while he opened it up. Keith’s smile quickly faded away and was replaced with worry. Nearly knocking Ellis over he put his hand on his forehead to check if he had a fever, but he didn’t. 

“I’m fine Keith...just tired,” Ellis made his attempt at the diversion. Not putting in too much information because they both trained at the same place so there was no need to relay the information of a rough day.

“You look like you’re 40. Let me come in,” Keith commanded taking Ellis’ wrist and led him to his room. His friend made sure that he didn’t fall straight on his face while the took him back up to his room. Back up in his room Ellis dropped to his bed too weak to stand any longer. Keith frowned and went to the cubbereds and searched for the thermometer. Ellis had nearly passed out before Keith had returned with it. 

His scared best friend accidentally dropped it and almost caused Ellis to deepthroat the thing. That earned Keith a deep scowl from Ellis. He apologized, but it still pissed off Ellis.

97.8 Fahrenheit. (99.0 F is considered a low grade fever. Normal temp is 97-98.9 for fahrenheit)

Disappointed with his findings, Keith got a rag and wet it in the bathroom to dab it on Ellis’ forehead. He started to notice how fast Ellis was breathing and took his paulse with a finger that was holding the washcloth down, his heart was racing.

“Are you sure that you’re alright?” Keith pried about to get up and call his mom who was still at work. Ellis meekly nodded. He was practically asleep on his bed, covered in grease, still had his coveralls on, and looked like death. That being Keith’s opinion. “I’ma call your ma.” Keith got up, and Ellis jolted up. “Ya look like you’re aboutta die.”

Ellis flung himself off the bed latching onto Keith’s leg, “Please don’t call her!” he stopped Keith in his tracks by latching onto his leg. Immobile because of Ellis he had no other choice, but to indulge him. He kneeled down low enough for Ellis to let go of him. They sat face to face with eachother on Ellis’ floor. “Don’t call her...I don’t want her to worry.” He teared up. Keith couldn’t think of anytime that Ellis had cried before, minus the time the times he’d flatlined.

Gripping Ellis’ shoulders with both hands he asked again, “Are you sure you’re alright because I can tell your lying?” Ellis looked to the bottom left of his vision for Keith to shake him into making eye contact with him. “Now, I don’t know what you did, but...you’re sick right now...and you need help...please tell me what you did...or I’ll even call the police on you if I think that...you’re lying to me.” 

He still didn’t let Ellis break the eye contact with him. He caved into the pressure because he sure as hell didn’t want officials getting involved. His voice quivered and cracked as he told Keith that he’d taken a bunch of benadryl, but nothing more. Satisfied Keith let his shoulders go and got up and took the phone in the hallway. Ellis quickly crawled out of his room to stop him.

“PLEASE KEITH DON’T DO THIS TO ME!!!” he yelled at him beginning to freak out. Momentarily Keith stopped dialing a number into the phone. “You can help me tell my ma on Monday.” 

Ellis’ bargaining weren’t going to work on him. “No, you need help now,” That was probably the most callous tone that Keith had ever used in his entire life. Utterly unwavering.

“Then take me somewhere where it can be anonymous!” he pleaded with more tears swelling up in his eyes. “I don’t want anyone else to find out!” 

“Ellis! You just tried to get high off of medication! Even I don’t fuck around with that shit!” Ellis eyes widened when he realized that Keith thought that he was just becoming a drug addict. In his mind that was better to admit then being depressed, that he needed help, that he tried killing himself, and that he needed someone reliable to be around. Deviously, Ellis even through the drug induced haze he thought of a way to divert Keith from making a phone call.

“I just wanted to see what it was like Keith! I’m sorry! I’ll never do it again! I was just curious!” Keith relaxed a little bit with hearing that. The part of Ellis that enjoyed being able to manipulate people shouted Bingo.

“You promise?” Keith asked lowering the phone back to the receiver, and Ellis smiled and nodded. “Cuz if I find out about this happening again I’m hauling your ass straight to the ER.”

“Mmmmmmmmmmkay,” Ellis agreed and gave into the medication by allowing himself to start to fall asleep on the ground. 

“One thing is for sure,” He picked Ellis off of the ground and put him back on his bed. Pointing at him he said, “You’re going to need a shit ton of water to get that out of you.”

Keith had been right about the water because it felt like he had cotton or a load of salt in his mouth when he woke up the next morning. His kidneys hurt that next day as well. Well, he shoulda listened to Keith and drank the water he brought Ellis.

Unbenounced to Ellis, Keith had stayed after that and told his mom what he’d done. She had a plan to confront him about it the following weekend, but that never happened. At work she’d been evacuated. Ellis had missed the evacuation by working late. If and when she’d see him again she still wanted to talk to him about why he took that many of the drug…………………

Ellis shivered, but took the bottle in fear that the others would hear him if he tried to pocket any other type of drug because of the noise it would make from being taken out of the bag. He hid them in his coveralls and stuffed a piece of paper in the bottle so that the pills wouldn’t rustle around much. Laying back down in his bed he couldn’t sleep. He thought of Keith and how he didn’t really know what happened after he went to sleep. Keith really didn’t fuck around with drugs after seeing his aunt die of an overdose.

He wondered if Keith and his family were alright. Had they actually made it to safety, were they turned, or were they dead? He couldn’t answer that, but he couldn’t deny how comically improbable Nick’s situation was. Sometimes when he was anxious Ellis couldn’t help but to believe that everyone is staring at him. He knows he’s not the center of the universe, but it really felt like he was in regards to anxiety and paranoia. 

Ellis rolled onto his side to face the wall. Did he really want to die...or did he just want an escape? He supposed it was both before, but for the most part he just wanted to escape now. He wondered what his mom would think if she found out. Would she be horrified, or disappointed in him? If Keith knew the truth would he hate him, or show him indifference? No... he was just tired of life, he ran out of ways to cope. Overcopansating anything that brought him joy, nearly crashing his car when he zoned out, thinking of all the creative ways he could kill himself, and much more. These thoughts circled in his head as he tried to fall asleep. His thoughts drifted to Nick, and he found the present day dream with him so nice that he fell asleep peacefully.

Nikki was terrorizing Rochelle again with the smoke in the morning. She kept blowing the smoke on her again and again. This being the second full day of this happening Rochelle wasn’t at her limit, but she was going to reach her boiling point soon enough. Ellis stayed completely still like he was still asleep to listen in on them. Besides he really didn’t feel like getting up yet.

Oh the joys of being anxious and paranoid that only get exacerbated by having the anxieties being true.

“When we’re on the road again in a few day what will we do about him?” Coach asked the others. Nick could be heard faintly snoring across the room, therefore he wasn’t a part of the conversation. The conman only started snoring as a result of the choking incident. 

“He’s a big boy he’ll be fine. We’ll just keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t choke on water,” Nikki answered Coach with a hint of irritation in her voice.

“I think he means Ellis, not Nick,” Rochelle corrected her. If he had a million dollars Ellis would bet all of that money on Nikki being pissed off beyond belief on being corrected. “I think that he shouldn’t wield a weapon.”

“Well that’s a load of shit!” Nikki audible rolled her eyes. “I mean what if we get separated? What if he’s the only one that could help? I know where your coming from, it’s just...there’s a lot of shit that could happen without another set of hands...I nearly kicked the can multiple times trying to get tampons and spam.”

“It’s better to be safe than sorry,” Coach interjected before the two could go off on another tangent.

‘They really don’t trust me. I’m just surprised that I can get off this cot without physical restraints with how they’re acting’ Ellis concentrated deep in thought and really tried to listen to their mannerisms.

“Hell no! The kid made it though hell without killing himself! Give him a chance, he hasn’t done anything to try to kill himself in that time so give him a chance,” Nikki wasn’t such a bad person in his mind right now. She was the only person advocating for him right now because Nick was out of commission. 

“We sh-!” Rochelle started getting up from her chair. Ellis cringed when he heard the chair screech across the ground. God, he hated metal seats. Seriously...fuck them.

“Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt,” Coach agreed with Nikki. She was likely smirking because she’d won. Rochelle was more then likely glaring at Coach for not siding with her. Nikki’s flirting with the older man was going along well, meaning for any sex starved sex addict could be. The two had high libitoes, but haven’t done anything besides hold hands in the confined space of an echoy bathroom.

Rochelle’s boots echoed across the tile as she went to the other half of the bathroom. She stopped by her bag. Likely to take inventory. Ellis tensed up fearing that she’d find out, which she will if she was checking the list. It had been Coach at the safehouse before the bridge who’d checked the bag. He willed himself to relax. All he had to do was say that they most likely fell out if he was confronted about the pills. It wasn’t unfathomable to think that they did fall out of the bag.

Seconds ticked by as he heard her go through the bag. 

‘This lack of self control I feel is never ending’ the line from Linkin Park’s Crawling sang in his head. Deception was addicting once he found out how easy it really was to deceive people. All it took was good body language and a realistic lie or diversion, and then they were happy with your answer.

Rochelle’s boots clicked across the ground growing louder. She was coming to him just like he knew she would. Lightly grabbing his shoulder and nudged him ‘awake’ from his ‘sleep’. Ellis groggily opened his eyes and rolled onto his back.

Yawning he asked, “Ssssmatter Ro?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally I was toying with an idea at 4am when I wrote most of the chapter a couple of weeks ago. I thought about cutting it but I reference it too much later on to delete it. No spoiler for that, but Nellis coming up :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank my inability to sleep sometimes for my reserve of about thirty pages now. I've hit a tiny tiny road block were I have to mark down how many hours of sleep I get each night. I primarily write in the night, but I'd rather not get yelled at by my doctors again...for now...
> 
> Man I fucking love Christmas and yes before you gripe I am one of those people that will start celebrating in September, but it makes me happy. It's the happiest months of the year for me, but Fuck spring! Spring can go to hell and die!
> 
> Heavy
> 
> -Linkin Park
> 
> It really isn't that bad of a song when you listen to it, and I really understand the lyrics. I was one of those people that disliked the song up until a few weeks ago. Anyways I'm a sucker for comments so feed me if you so choose to.

“Where are they?” she stermly commanded him. She wasn’t asking him, she was telling him to tell her where they were. Ellis inwardly glared at the notion like he was a misbehaving toddler, but to be deceiving he raised his brows and sat up. She was going to be tough to convince this time, but he’s handled harder to convince before. Her face was stern, if she had her way Ellis wouldn’t even be able to move his hands when they leave this place.

“Huh?” Ellis played dumb in asking her yawning. Those chocolate brown eyes narrowed faster then he could finish the onomatopoeia. 

“Don’t play dumb with me boy! I know that it was you that took them!” she accused him raising her voice at him. He tilted his head to the side innocently. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Ro!” he quickly defended himself with just the right amount of innocence in his voice. He could see Coach and Nikki getting up in the corner of his vision. They were intrigued by the conversation that quickly was turning into an argument, and they’d step in if they were needed. 

“So help me god Ellis I’ll strip you down to find all of those pills!” she threatened him. Her mannerisms were strained. In combination with the smoke, being trapped in here, and not wanting someone to kill themselves she was ready to hit him to smack some sense into him. Her finger hung in the air pointing at him, accusation written all over her face with a snarl.

“What pills?!?” He shrugged throwing his hands to the sides defensively, he really didn’t look guilty. Nikki was silently taking notes in the back of her head about his perfect mannerisms that made him seem as if he was telling the truth. She was genuinely impressed if this was a lie. “They might have fallen from the bag.”

“The other day when I drugged you the bottle of benadryl was in the bag. I even went back out to get them so I knew where they were and you’re the only one with the motive,” she growled at him. Ellis didn’t notice it, but the color drained from his face. In plain view of the three survivors that were awake. Not even the shittly lighting in the room could cover up the pallor and dread on his face. 

“I don’t have them!!!” his voice strained and cracked. Coach stepped forward while Nikki hung back a few feet. She was slightly disappointed that he couldn’t maintain his composure. The gaze that the other survivors had on him was intense with enough tension to cut steel.

“Ellis,” Coach tilted his head trying to maintain the calm. “Did you take them son?”

“NOOOOO!” Even Nick couldn’t sleep over that one, but nobody noticed he was awake when he rolled over to watch.

‘This is all going to hell’ Nick thought unable to voice himself, pinching the bridge of his nose irritated that he’d been woken up by a fight.

These past couple of days of not being able to speak were really wearing him thin on patience for the others. He’d only realized how much he loves and needs to speak now that he can’t do it anymore for the time being. The whole thing with how they’re treating Ellis was pissing him off because they’re using more punishment tactics then anything else. While he does agree that he shouldn’t have a weapon currently he doesn’t believe he needs to treated like he can’t even walk on his own.

“Calm down son,” Coach attempted to deescalate the situation to no avail.

“Let’s search him because that was a big ass bottle,” Rochelle said right after stepping back a little bit for Coach to do it.

“Holy shit! The door!” Ellis screamed, and he swung his legs over the cot to get up and pushed through Coach and Nikki without hesitation to reached the barred up door. Coach must have moved all but one thing out of the way for Nikki’s brother and group to come in. Ellis threw the table out of his way and yanked the door open to bolt. He smiled at his distraction tactic, but damn if it wasn’t the stupidest shit ever.

He heard Rochelle faintly yelling, “Why the hell didn’t you grab him!?!” as he tore away from the rest stop. He turned to run west. East would be just giving himself up to becoming a guinea pig if he made it that long. 

Running away, he’d wanted to do that for a long time now, and not just before he was more estranged from the group. He’d dreamt of doing this for years. The feelings of hopelessness, emptiness, despair, fear, anxieties, dread, anguish, and mania disappeared as he sprinted down the highway with nothing more than a bottle of pills and a book. The feeling was even better then he’d imagined it being, pure euphoria.

He ignored the people chasing after him. Not even was aware that they were coming after, just pure bliss. Happiness. For the first time in his life he felt like he could do anything that he wanted to do without restraint, even if it was to be short lived. The infected couldn’t even catch up with him as he ran, they almost seemed to ignore him as well. Despite it being the end of the world he’d never imagined that he would ever feel so at peace in one moment. All that he could hope for now was to be killed in an instant to leave him in this state forever.

The adrenaline in that his system had mass produced in his system wore down and he felt the full effects of smoking for years hit him like a wave. He couldn’t hear his teammates in the slightest bit at all. There weren’t any infected around him at all anymore because they’d been drawn to the other’s gunfire. He pulled out the bottle of pills and just stared at them.

So much mental pain that came to mind when he even heard the name of the drug. Throwing them as hard as he could he genuinely smiled. He’d be happy enough to never hear the name of the sleep aid ever again. He got the shivers in other saferooms when the others would talk about it. Pain, anxiety, and flashbacks to the moments before he’d taken the sleep aids. There was a time before when Rochelle gave him a couple of the pills and he took them before asking what they were. When she’d said the name he panicked internally. She’d given them to him because he was having an allergic reaction to the swamp water. Really, she did have good intentions in her mind until she saw how paranoid he looked, either that or he was worried about the blood farmers again… 

He had nothing to defend himself with and he was content with that. If he was to die for having a lack of arms to defend himself with then so be it. At least he died because he did something that he wanted to do. He ran a hand through his hair, and he remembered that he hadn’t asked Rochelle for his hat back yet. The bright afternoon sun was making him really miss it. His head really hurt, and then he noticed it...on his shoulder. A needle was sticking out. He grabbed it with the unaffected side and yanked it out. 

‘Shit...I missed her making this one’ he thought mournfully staring at the needle as it glistened in the morning sun. ‘I wonder what she put in it?’

He kept it in his hand as we walked along the road. Nope, nope, nope...he didn’t like this one bit. Whatever was in it was hallucinogenic because he was pretty damn sure that it’s not a deep shade of purple during the day. If these were really infected, they weren’t attacking him at all because they left him alone.

Like he was one of them.

He could even swear that they were talking to each other. Somehow he continued to shuffle along the highway. 

Like he was one of them.

Listening to them talk. The man in a hoodie was talking about his kids to another guy wearing a suit. A women was grabbing at her boyfriend? They were talking to a spitter. The green gooey monster was asking about people who hadn’t turned and where they were. 

Like he wasn’t human still.

They didn’t look like monsters to him in this moment in time.

Like he was one of them.

None of them wanted to talk to him, and they actually went out of their way to avoid him. 

Because they knew he was different.

He fell to his knees and clutched at his head. The pain hurt so bad that he started crying right there. 

Like he was one of them.

He could hear one of infected complain about there being another witch. 

Like he was one of them.

^God I hate witches!^ the infected passed him. ^Why can’t your kind just stay in one area to not inconvenience the rest of us!^

Because he was pained.

Ellis looked up at the infected male who was bitching about him, ^What?...I’m not infected! I’m still human!^

Because he was tired.

^Sweetheart we all are human, and I think you just recently turned...but you may be right. You don’t have the eyes of a witch, but you don’t look like one of the monsters that have the guns.^ The infected grabbed ahold of his chin to inspect him. It’s nail cut Ellis’ chin slightly causing his crimson blood to ooze. It let go of him all of the sudden, ^Freak! I hope that you’re not some new two timing infected! Stay the hell away from me!^

Because he was different. 

‘Even the infected think I’ma freak’ he cried again.

Because he wasn’t one of them.

Was he really turning, or was it all just one hallucination? He couldn’t tell.

Because he was hurting.

While sitting on the ground crying both from the physical pain and the emotional pain of being rejected in his mind from both societies.

Because he was ripped away from the illusion.

He didn’t know what was worse; this entire thing being an elaborate hallucination, or this being a hallucination with some aspects like the infected being true. The infected didn’t even want him, and somehow this hurt him more then the headache did. 

Because he was damaged emotionally enough.

‘I’m tired of everything. I’m sick of feeling guilty and bad for existing’ he thought to himself.

Because he was tired of trying.

The infected shuffled around him like he wasn’t there.

Because he was ignored.

He could’ve laughed at the bitter irony of it all. 

Because he was reminded by society.  
Because he’d been ignored and never asked if he was ok.  
Because he tried too hard to keep a brave face for everyone he knew.  
Because he tried to make everyone happy.  
Because he felt like that was the only thing he was good for.  
Because he thought that if he didn’t everyone would hate him.  
Because he was the perfect child.  
Because he was the quiet child.  
Because he was the good child.  
Because he was the smart child.  
Because he was the nice child.  
Because he was the shy child.  
Because he tried…  
Because he he broke himself unknowingly.  
Because he then hid himself away when he started getting depressed.  
Because he didn’t want to cause trouble.  
Because he was the perfect child.  
Because he didn’t cause trouble.  
Because he only helped others and not himself.  
Because nobody who saw him depressed cared enough to say anything.

^Why are you crying?^ he looked up to see a crying women. She was a witch, but she looked so different in the hallucination. She was a very pretty women with running makeup. The monster sat down with him and pulled him into a hug. After a few moments of shock he reciprocated the hug.

^I’m not completely sure myself. I’m still completely human and a carrier^ he confided in her and she held him in her arms coddling him in them. Her long nails were kept at a safe angle not to hurt him. They cried together, but could still manage a conversation.

^I could tell Mr. RedBlood, but it’s strange for us to see one of you and not to attack. Must be all the drugs in your body doing that to you because we can smell them^ she joked around with him holding him tighter to her.

Ellis felt safe in her arms and wished that the rest of the world would go away and have it just be him and her holding him in her strong grip. Nothing else mattered right now because for him it didn’t. He couldn’t care less about the people searching for him. He had no obligations anymore to think about. Family wasn’t an issue anymore in the end of the world. 

^Why are you comforting me?^ he asked her by nuzzling his face into her chest. In response to the movement she gently ran a couple of her fingers in his hair to calm him down more.

^I don’t like seeing other people cry.^ she started and paused for a moment calculating on what to say next. Ellis was really enjoying her soft touches of her fingers in his hair. ^It’s also nice to share a good cry.^

^I feel abandoned and not wanted by anything. Not even the zombies wanna be near me. My friends are treating me like I’m a child, and I just want to not feel the pain anymore.^ his lip quivered as he spoke through the cries.

^I can make your pain go away. All you have to do is trust me.^ she lulled him with sweet whispers. He nodded into her. ^All you have to do is relax and let me do everything, but do keep your eyes closed. I don’t want to scare you.^

^Mmmmmmkay...I’m ready.^ he agreed relaxing into her grip completely. Shifting around she held his upper body up with one arm and raised her other claw in the air ready to strike.

^Goodnight child^ she whispered in his ear………………………………………..

“Holy shit Brad!” a burly man got off his motorcycle and high fived his friend with a shotgun in the other hand. “Nice cap!”

Brad grinned and played around, “No thanks to you fuckface!” Brad and the burly man horsed around. Greg got out of the car and ran up to the witch’s body. His expression was concerned as he pulled the witch up and uncovered another body. He still couldn’t believe the things the two missed because they were too busy messing around.

Greg turned around to his teammates who were still horsing around. “How the hell didn’t you two notice that there’s a kid right here,” he said disgusted with the other two. Often he wondered if he managed to find the only two people in the apocalypse that were batshit insane. 

He’d met them when he was trying to escape a bar in Vegas when it all started. Unlike the other two he didn’t conceal carry, not like the other two had done it legally. There were quite a few people left in Vegas. Some of the survivors had made a small community in the HeartAttack Grill. He’d wrinkled his nose at the notion of living there with a bunch of other people who didn’t have anywhere near the same morals as he did. The people there were just one big fuckfest.

The burly man walked over and picked the young man up and threw him over his shoulder. The young man gave out a groan of pain as he was jostled around. He was still holding a needle in his hand. The burly man forced him to drop it sorta grossed out by the choice of weapon. Taking him to the back of the car he thought back to a month ago not even when he did this to his now ex boyfriend that ‘went missing’.

“I think this is the one that my sister said ran off,” he opened up the car trunk and dumped him off in it. Greg tossed him the keys so he could lock the trunk back up.

“Man I still can’t believe we had to come all this way to pick up your sister!” Brad complained walking back over to the witch to survey his work. Grinning ear to ear he felt smug learning that the monster was just about to kill the young man.

“She’s a high priced ho, just like her ex husband and my ex boyfriend. The kid was the same person,” the burly man roasted his sister and Nick in the same sentence. Hoping back on his motorcycle he revved it up again.

“You fucked your sister’s husband?” Brad asked kneeling to examine the witch more closely.

“He’s so gay I’m surprised she got him to have sex while they dated and for the first year they were married,” Nikki’s brother laughed at his own joke.

“Can’t be far away now. I doubt the kid ran that far in just an hour,” Greg reasoned getting back in his car. Brad shrugged hopping on the back of the motorcycle, and Nikki’s brother laughed letting the machine roar. They rode on until they reached the rest stop. Nikki was standing in front of the rest of them.

The burly man hopped off his bike and ran up to his sister for an unwelcome embrace, “Nikki!”

“What took you so long asshole?” she growled at him shoving him away. He glanced up and saw Nick standing there.

“I wasn’t expecting a family reunion in all this,” he told Nick truly shocked to see him standing there. He’d caused his sister’s ex husband so much pain. Part of him wasn’t over having to be forced to let him go, Nikki was a lot more threatening at the time.

“I wasn’t either...Zack…” Nick strained his voice to get out that one line with complete raspy strain in it. Zack backed up from Nikki and went back to the trunk.

“Well...I brought you a present Nikki!” He changed the subject by shifting it away. The last time he saw Nick was when he was in the middle of cheating on him by fucking the bartender near his house. Nikki had warned him after...well...threatened him before that to never attempt to make contact with him again because of how many times he’d beaten her husband. 

It wasn’t a happy reunion with her brother for Nikki. She couldn’t care any less about his life or what he did to end it. He’d fucked with her more times then she could count. Helping her ruin Nick was close to the top of her list. The worst thing was when she had to live with him after their divorce, and he’d drug her in as an accessory to murder. Her whole marriage was enough for her to make her never want to speak to him again. She remembered the first night Nick came home and stayed in the shower for a couple of hours with the door locked. That night she almost killed her brother for that. Why was she here with him now then? He was only there because he had a strong sense of blood loyalty to her, but he did expect it in return.

Zack pulled Ellis out of the trunk of the car and carried him over to the others and motioned for someone else to take him. Nick jumped up instantly to grab him. He didn’t want Ellis to be any closer to that predator then he had to be. The two men were both uncomfortable with the whole exchange.

Nick remembered the first time Zack had held him like that, and it hadn’t ended well for him. It was a week after his honeymoon had ended, and he’d gone to see his boyfriend after returning. Nikki was out making some investments at the casinos and other places to keep their noses clean. Zack had swept him off his feet and danced around for a few minutes before carrying him off to the bedroom. Nick kept saying no until he gave in to shut Zack up. That was the first time they did it, rape. No matter how many times he said no Zack kept begging him trailing kisses over his face and chest until he gave up and agreed to do it.

Ellis’ groaning pulled him out from his memory of the night. He fidgeted in his arms until he was coddled up against Nick’s chest. “Damn it Ro…” he murmured. “Stop drugging me. The infected are not very nice when you can understand them with whatever you gave me.”

Nobody but Nick heard what he’d said, and Nick cooed him by shushing him and rocking him to sleep in his arms. There were only five cots, and therefore people would be doubling up. Nick and Ellis would most likely share one. They couldn’t complain about it either. Nick couldn’t speak well, and the rest of the group deemed Ellis too incompetent to make his own decisions. From the way that Nikki was flirting with Coach the two would most likely share a cot as well. The two would be getting handsy with eachother. Which would leave the other four fighting over the three cots. 

“We only have five cots,” Nikki announced what Nick had been thinking. Her arms were crossed and she wasn’t going to back down from what she was about to say. “Nick you bunk with Ellis. Rochelle will bunk with Coach, and I’ll...bunk with *you* Zack…” Clearly she didn’t even like her own idea. It surprised everyone, but Zack that she said that she’d bunk with him. He knew the reason why she was doing that, she was playing bodyguard for the others to keep him in check as well. 

“Is someone not gonna keep watch at night then?” Greg asked concerned. Nikki shrugged her shoulders. 

“It’s not necessarily needed with all the shit we pile up in front of the door,” she reassured him. “Besides.” She shifted her weight and lifted a hand up to gesture at the rest stop. “We’re leaving here tomorrow morning for Vegas.”

Greg raised an eyebrow and headed for the door, eager to not be in danger anymore. Nick followed him inside with Ellis. Once Nick was out of earshot the con artist went up to her brother and yanked his ear down to be level with her mouth, shocking the other survivors with her brash and strength.

“Hurt Nick in any way physical or emotional and I’ll tie you up like a pinata on a lamp post,” she threatened with a deep growl in his ear. 

“Ok, ok sis!” he nodded quickly and she let him go satisfied. She stalked off back to the saferoom as well. Before she made inside she whispered to Coach and Rochelle as she was passing by to be careful around him because he’s dangerous.

Nick set Ellis down on his-their cot. The young man looked so meek with a defeated, glazed over gaze. Nick walked over to Rochelle’s cot and grabbed his hat from her things and handed it to him. Ellis accepted it with a smile and grabbed at Nick’s jacket to tell him that he didn’t want him to leave, so he laid down next to him. Almost immediately the mechanic threw an arm around him and nuzzled up to cuddle while whatever was in his system was still in effect. God was Nick going to bitch out Rochelle for this if Nikki doesn’t beat him to it.

Nick took the hat out of his hand and set it down, and wrapped his other arm around Ellis. His feelings for him were really growing, and with his exs around he doesn’t think that he can hide his sexuality much longer from his original group. He couldn’t help not worrying for Ellis. Since the tunnel of love and trying to repress his fondness for the mechanic it had grown into love. Would Ellis feel the same way about him? He didn’t have an answer for that because he didn’t have much of an obvious sexual interest in too much. Well...there was Jimmy Gibbs, but that could always be an exception, Nick thought. He also said he was going to marry Zoey, but he may have been making a joke.

Everyone was in the bathroom now and Zack was actively avoiding talking about Nick. The conman smiled that Nikki must have had a hand in this as well. Nobody paid him and Ellis any attention. He watched on as Nikki was yelling at her brother for being a shitty card player no matter how many times she tried to teach him. Coach was eating another bag of candy, and Nick swore that Coach had gained a noticeable amount of weight being stuck here with all of this candy. Rochelle was pretending to take a nap to avoid most of the action.

Would he confess his feelings for Ellis? Nick thought about multiple situations and outcomes to that. The worst case in his mind would be Ellis laughing at him and telling him that he knew that he was a faggot all along. The best case scenario had to be the most cheesy romantic scene imaginable. 

In his imagination this would be sometime when they were alone. The soft orange rays of sunset cascading and creating beautiful shadows on them. Ellis looking up into his eyes and telling him that he loved him and they would kiss like they do in the movies. Maybe have some fun after the sun goes away, and everything would be perfect. Life isn’t a fairytale or movie. Nothing is perfect and everyone is fucked up at some level. It all depends on how well you’re able to handle the shit that comes at you.

When Ellis had run off he and Rochelle had talked for a bit. She’d told him the reason why she was being so strict with him was because her best friend had committed suicide. Her voice grew weak and tired as she told him that she felt responsible for not doing more to recognize the signs. Nick had told her that sometimes there are no signs because the person may really be cautious not to be caught because death is easier than getting help. Getting help is hard because opening up is so difficult once someone gets used to the seclusion.

Nikki, Nick, and Coach had known people that committed suicide before. A couple of kids on Coach’s team. Nikki and Zack’s mother. Nick’s chem lab partner, and...quite a few people when he’d play Russian Rulet. He didn’t say that though because Nikki would have his head for that one. What could Nick say, he’s highly addicted to gambling. Suicide affects everyone at one point or another.

Nikki had come over to Nick at one point to ask him if he wanted to play a game of Texas Hold’em, but walked away smiling when she saw how Ellis was cuddled up to him. Instead she went to go pesture Rochelle. She drug up a chair right next to her and plopped down next to her and lit up a cigarette. Rochelle glared at her for the smoke making Nikki smile.

“So…” she started exhaling the smoke directly in her face causing Rochelle to grimace. “What the hell was in that dose of ‘fuck em up’?” 

“Something illegal is all I know, but it worked I suppose,” Rochelle shifted away to not be right in the line of smoke. Zack walked up and put a hand on his sister’s shoulder. Growling Nikki shrugged it off.

“Whatever it was it looked like he was ignored by most infected because after we saved him from a witch there was quite a few infected along the way,” he laughed pulling out his favorite brand of cigarettes, Kool. Rochelle rolled her eyes at how everyone but her, Coach, and Greg.  
Five to three. 

“I still wouldn’t take that shit or give it to him again, that’s too sadistic even for me,” Nikki leaned back in her seat. Her brother looked down at her confused remembering the worse shit she’d done before.

“What are we supposed to do then?” Rochelle asked defeated by all of the smoke.

“Watch him to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid, and ya know...treat him equally...It’s quite degrading to not be treated like you’re normal,” Nikki went off and explained with a wave of the hand. “You kind of went a little bit too far this morning when you were treating him like a criminal.”

Rochelle turned her face away ashamed. Zack nodded agreeing with his sister. “The more you treat someone like they’re not a person the more they think they aren’t,” He advised her. Nikki turned to him disgusted.

“I really dislike how you know this from experience,” She took another long drag of her cigarette, and he shrugged at the notion.

“Well I can’t help I’m an asshole,” he walked away and Nikki rolled her eyes.

“Should I ask?” Rochelle looked back at her worried. Nikki shook her head no. 

When she found out how long Nick and her brother had been dating she noticed how his behavior had changed over the course of time. He became more reserved and easier to anger. His gambling increased significantly to the point where he wouldn’t walk away from a table unless he was kicked out or drug away from it. She noticed how he would spend a lot of time looking in the mirror frowning and how quick he was to put on a smile when she’d walk by. 

She knew that she was to blame as well having been abusive to him as well. She’d purposely get him drunk so that he’d have sex with her. Buying him clothing that was flattering so that she could show him off, kinda treating him like a spoiled chihuahua at that point. Knowingly get him in trouble in casinos so that they could get more money despite knowing that he’d get beaten up in an alley. Staying with him and having sex with him even though he was in an affair with her brother, but she really didn’t care too much as long as he gave her attention too. There was a whole lot of things she had done wrong by him. After knowing that him and Zack broke up she didn’t say anything to him about it and he spiraled out of control with the gambling which help lead to their divorce. He’d been involuntarily hospitalized some point during that time so needless to say he wasn’t allowed to own a firearm in Pennsylvania anymore. This is why she owed him big time.

Coach and the other men worked on bringing out the supplies to the car. They packed as much shit they could in the car as possible. They bullshitted around about women, and other things guys talk about when they think that they’re alone. Nothing too important other than Zack bragging about how cool his sister was to Coach. Yep, Zack was in on getting his sister laid because she was a bigger nosier bitch when she wasn’t getting hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note I am changing the rating of the fic to Explicit soon because I don't have the heart to cut out the work I already made. It'll be in a few chapters, the rating will change when the that specific chapter is posted.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was slightly after this chapter when the pacing of the story picked up because I left a more motivated writer state. I'm not going to try to rush, and I have a couple more weeks worth of chapters in reserve, but you will notice how the pace goes from here to there to that. On a side note my eventual goal is to make a 20 page sex scene eventually. 100 pages is about 45 k words on the doc I'm on so 8,000 words approximately. Did you know that Nick's voice actor is in a band, neither did me until around midnight. This is one of their songs,
> 
> Fuck You
> 
> -The Headstones

Ellis woke up in the late afternoon. He didn’t move because he was enjoying being cuddled up to Nick. The thumping of the gambler’s heartbeat relaxed him and he didn’t want to ruin that by moving around. He felt Nick’s arm wrapped around him. In that moment he thought that he could really get used to this. Nick was warm and he wished he could stay like this forever. Maybe, just maybe...he could let himself fall for someone.

Nick shook him lightly a few minutes later.

‘Damnit’ Ellis internally groaned opening his eyes haziley. 

“How long was I out?” he asked the conman becoming disappointed and lonely when Nick moved his arm to get up. He mouthed back ‘half the day’ to him. “Guess I had to get up to eat at some point.”

Nick nodded back at him attempting to try smoking his cigarette, but it sent him into a choking fit. He handed Ellis the cigarette frowning. He was really feeling the withdrawal even with all the smoke in the air. Ellis shook his head and told him that he was too exhausted to smoke, but he wasn’t tired enough to binge eat. Coach was even surprised to see how much he could put away in one sitting. He had taken to eating all of the orange skittles and a few family sized bags of chips before going back to laying down.

“You gonna throw up?” Rochelle asked him while handing him a bottle of water. He shook his head no and rolled over to face the wall. “I’m sorry about earlier and the other day...I’ve just seen someone close to me before do this, and I felt like it was my fault.”

He rolled back over to face her and used his forearms as a pillow, “From experience, it’s nobody's fault...it happens for a multitude things, not a specific thing usually.”

She sat down on the edge of the cot and buried her face in her hands and admitted, “I just don’t know what I should do.”

“Nothing special Ro...don’t treat me like I’m two...and...sometimes I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t swim to the surface. I just need to grab onto something to help pull me back out. Other times I’m so high I feel like I’m about to fly away. There really isn’t much you can do other then try to not treat me like I can’t do anything,” Ellis explained. His chest hurt from how anxious he got in such a short conversation. She turned her head to him and rubbed his shin soothingly.

“I’ll try harder,” She promised. “Do you want me to grab you a book?”

“Yes please,” he nodded. She got up and went over to the crate and pulled out a book that she recognized. They didn’t say anything when she gave it to him, but she hoped that he liked it. Memoirs of a Geisha. He spent the rest of the evening reading it, but wasn’t able to finish it when everyone started going to bed.

Nick and Nikki had played scat with almost everyone minus Greg and Zack. Greg didn’t like gambling and Zack was more afraid of his sister. In the final round Coach had gotten scat and won the pot which consisted of a rubber band, a Vegas suviner shot glass with titts on it, and Nick and Nikki’s wedding rings. Rochelle wasn’t happy she lost her hair tie. The ex couple shrugged their shoulders at their loss. Brad was upset about his loss too because they had to burn his pono mags for kindling on the road trip.

When Nick came back to the cot Ellis scooted to be closer to the wall and to make more room for him. “Goodnight,” Nick raspely whispered to him and pulled the blanket on the two of them. Ellis set the book down on the floor and pulled the blankets over his shoulders to sleep.

“Night,” he told him while wondering if he could get cuddled up to Nick somehow again. Nick was facing the room currently, but he had the tendency to roll around in his sleep so he could snuggle up to him when he rolls to the other side. Or maybe he could be bold and make a move on him? Nope, nope, nope his anxiety said no.

Everyone jolted awake, “GAHHHH!!!!! YOU FUCKING PERV!!!!!! WE’RE SHARING THE SAME COT ZACK!!!!!! IF YOU MUST, GO INTO ONE OF THE STALLS!!!!! YOU FUCKING FUCKER!!!!!” 

Well someone couldn’t control themselves…

Nick resettled laying to face Ellis and he couldn’t help but to thank Zack and Nikki in his mind for making Nick roll over. Slowly he nuzzled closer and closer to Nick thinking that he didn’t notice him. The gambler did notice and he knew that Ellis didn’t know he was awake so he threw his arm over Ellis lazily so that he wouldn’t be too obvious. If he had his eyes open he’d see Ellis blushing profusely. Using that as a go ahead Ellis nuzzled himself in the remaining space between them. He wasn’t sure if he just wanted to be close to him while he slept, or if the young man had feelings for him too.

He smiled smelling his hair even though they haven’t showered since the hurricane. For the first time in a long time Nick fell asleep with a smile on his face. Sometime during the night Ellis had wrapped an arm around around Nick, and was lulled to sleep by his heartbeat. The two were woken up by Rochelle snickering. Ellis had jolted away and rolled on to his other side, and Nick glared at her. She handed Nick two packs of snowballs. Nick was genuinely dumbfounded by this since they were her favorite food. He checked the expiration date and it was today, but he couldn’t care less about the expiration date as long as it looked good.

Nick lightly handed him one of the packs, and they sat up on the cot with their backs against the wall. Since he hadn’t eaten anything since his injury Nick really enjoyed the processed cake. “Sleep well?” Ellis nervously asked. Nick nodded and mouthed ‘you?’. “I did…” he blushed slightly. They finished the rest of their food in silence. Ellis ended up eating a lot more food after that, Nick couldn’t help but frown at his way of coping with the stress, anxiety, and depression.

Sitting from afar in the room Nick merely just observed. In one corner away from everyone else he saw Ellis sorting more candy by color and type of candy. Nikki was harassing Rochelle again while sitting on Coach’s lap. The older men were talking about something while they were all playing some kind of card game that Nikki was barred from playing in. He laid down on the cot and sighed not having anything to do, thinking that he’d kill to play a game of high stakes poker or Russian Rullet. 

Using his forearms as a pillow he stared up at the ceiling thinking. He knew now at this point that Ellis had some sort of feelings for him because of how they cuddled up last night. From what to do from here was the question. Would he simply be bold, or he be more subtle? As if to answer him on what to do Ellis had come back over and laid down with him reading a book. 

Yeah Ellis knew what he was doing when he went back over. He liked Nick and he wanted to be close to him and keep him company. For part three of cuddling with Nick he’d lay down next to him and start to throw out obvious hints that he wanted to cuddle. Stretching out next to him and fidgeting around like he was uncomfortable should work, or so he thought. Nick just seemed to shift thinking that he was making him uncomfortable. 

‘Ok, time to be more obvious’ he thought to himself, and forced a shiver.

“It’s so cold in here, and I’m freezing,” he shivered again and looked into Nick’s emerald eyes. His whisper was soft laced with a hint of annoyance. Confused somewhat on what he should do he waited for another moment for Ellis to say something else. Gritting his teeth Ellis would have to spell it out for him. “You’re so warm Nick.”

Finally getting the hint Nick pulled the blanket up on them confusing the younger man until he laid back down and wrapped his arms around him. Nick laid his head on Ellis’ shoulder and shut his eyes. Happy that he got his way Ellis resumed to read the rest of the book now cuddled up to Nick. After finishing the book he set it down on the side of the cot on the ground.

Nick had fallen asleep while he was still reading the book. Softly Ellis planted a kiss on the side of his head. “I like ya Nick,” Ellis whispered so low that even the wall didn’t even hear him. 

He liked Nick a lot. When he first met Nick he thought that he was always so cool. The way he dressed, spoke, and acted made him wonderstruck. Didn’t develop feelings for him for awhile though. Nick was Nick to him, and he liked Nick. He liked how caring and kind he could be between the bullshit that he said. Originally he thought not to engage in flirting with him because of their age difference, but the more he thought of him the more he couldn’t stop thinking of him.

‘Oh, what would I do without you’ he thought running his fingers through Nick’s dark locks. In his mind he somehow managed to convince himself to carry on because he wanted Nick to be proud of him.

When it was time to get up he got out another book to read and laid down with it until he fell fast asleep. Noticing the book on his face Nick took it off of his face and pulled the blanket over his body and resumed the game of never have I ever. It was Rochelle’s turn to say something. They played with a few bottles of wine that Greg had. 

“Never have I ever used sex to get more money,” she rose her glass to annunciate what she was saying. Everyone took a sip of their drinks to that one. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Really? Everyone?” Nick shrugged to when she looked at him.

“Never have I ever played Russian Roulette,” Zack said, begrudgingly Nick took a sip of his drink. Nikki glared at him instantly.

“When was this Nick!?!” she yelled at him. Sheepishly Nick scratched the back of his head and set the drink down on the table. Brad was impressed and grinned with a literal shit eating grin, having drank to that question before. Coach, Rochelle, and Zack were shocked.

“We were together still, more then once,” he quickly got out shrugging his shoulders. Ellis had woken up to her yelling and poured himself a glass and sat down next to Nick. 

“I woulda wrang your neck for that if we were still married,” she growled at her ex. “Anyways never have I ever slept with a relative.” Nick and Zack took a sip to that. Nobody inquired on that one to Nick and Zack’s relief. She intentionally did that one.

“Never have I ever been on a college campus,” Everyone drank to Ellis’ lament for being the only one that hasn’t. 

“Had phone sex,” Nick whispered, and Ellis, Zack, Brad, Rochelle, and Coach drank to that one.

“Alright, never have I ever had sex tied up in the back of a pickup truck and was bottom,” Brad said...nobody drank to that oddly specific thing.

“Never have I ever been committed to a psychiatric hospital,” Greg said. Nick, Nikki, and Zack drank to that one.

“Never have I ever been taken to the hospital for just drinking,” Coach said. Only Ellis drank to this one. 

“I was fourteen, my friend Keith got me so drunk that I passed out. I’m glad my parents were outta town and my grandpa had dementia otherwise I woulda got in big trouble and Keith woulda as well,” Ellis explained because he was nineteen.

“Never have I slept with a women,” Rochelle said. Nick, Brad, Coach, and Ellis drank to this one.

“I’m asexual and a virgin,” Greg announced looking to Zack.

“I’m gay. I only made it to second base when I realized I like cock,” Zack shrugged. “Anywho, never have I ever bottomed out. This even goes for the ladies.” Everyone, but Greg who was chuckling had to drink.

“Never have I ever murdered one of my exs,” Nikki snarled pissed that she was losing. “Drink up brother dearest.” Everyone turned back to Zack shocked when he tilted the cup back and chugged the rest of his glass. He stood up from the table pretending to be drunk and flopped down on he and Nikki’s cot.

“I think we’re done for the night,” Brad announced to everyone getting up from the table. Although not satisfied with no explanation for some of the stuff they let it be. Ellis finished off his glass and set it down on the table. With everyone turned around and walking to their cots he picked up the bottle and started chugging the bottle. 

The bottle was ripped out of his hands by Nikki, and she hit his hand with the back of her ring hand when he went to try and take it back. “Alcohol isn’t good for depression kid,” she took a swig herself throwing the empty bottle on the ground when it was gone. He’d just continued to stare at her while she did all this. She sighed knowing that he wanted some food for thought about it. Crossing her arms she spoke, “Listen, I can see you’re going through a hard time right now. Take it from someone that has seen and caused shit like this, that alcohol n’drugs ain’t gonna make it any better. It just leaves you feeling hungover and shitty. I’m not going to say that it gets easier, but you’ll learn to manage it one day.”

He nodded saddened. She was right, but that didn’t mean that he still didn’t feel like shit. Crawling into the cot next to Nick all tipsy he went to snuggle the man immediately. Although he didn’t drink as much as Ellis he was a bit taken back by what Zack had to drink to. Protectively, he wrapped his arms around Ellis and didn’t get much sleep that night. Sleep didn’t come easy for him because of the fear that Zack may come back to haunt him. Snuggled up to the smaller man he eventually fell asleep.

In the morning they woke up to Rochelle’s snickering again, she handed then a couple of granola bars and told them to get ready to go. Today they’d leave this place. Not hungry for something that would scratch his throat he handed Ellis his bar and got up. Ellis took it from him and thanked him for his kindness. Today was Ellis’ birthday he realized when he grabbed his deck of cards.

Nick started writing in his notebook. If he couldn’t find anything for Ellis he might as well make it. Coach came over to check his neck and to see if he could speak somewhat again. Looks like he was going to make it out alright, but he can’t get grabbed by anything for awhile or he might not make it. His voice was recovering, but it still needed more time to really talk more than a couple sentences at a time.

Nick, Ellis, Rochelle, Nikki were all piled in the back of the car together because Greg wouldn’t let anyone drive his car. Coach rode shotgun next to him. Zack and Brad were on the motorcycle. Nikki was rolling her eyes and scoffing while gazing out at the road during the drive. Rochelle and Ellis were sandwiched in the middle. Ellis was in a food coma sleeping on Nick’s shoulder, and Nick was still writing. Nobody in the car felt like speaking over Greg’s nu metal blaring from the speakers.

‘Finished! I’ll just have to give it to him sometime when we’re somewhat alone’ Nick smiled and shut his notebook. 

They had to stop around four pm to find a saferoom before it got dark, and thankfully there was a shitty motel right off the highway. Since there were multiple saferooms in that one they all decided to split of into pairs, but Greg went into a room alone and locked it so there would be one group of three. Rochelle and Greg took one up with Zack in the next room down. Nikki and Coach took one as well being very flirty right before they went in.

‘Well I guess they’re getting it on tonight’ Nick thought to himself, and that left him and Ellis in their own room. Once they finished barricading the door Nick went to the bathroom to see if the water worked and nearly danced seeing that it did. Cold, but nonetheless working. He took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves to mid bicep and scrubbed his arms at least five times under the water. Ellis was concerned after the third time, but didn’t want to get into that right now.

When Nick came back into the room he opened up his notebook and handed it to Ellis to read:

I really really really like you Ellis, and Happy Birthday.

 

Yes, that is what took hours for Nick to write, but Ellis liked it all the same. He was smiling lightly, the kind that meant thank you. Then Nick leaned in to whisper in his ear, “You can have the shower first.” Yup that was the sign of love in a godforsaken place. Ellis bear hugged Nick causing his hat to fall off of him.

“I really like you too, and thank you,” Ellis teared up and cried a little bit. He had even forgotten his own birthday due to how chaotic it has been these past few weeks. Nick lightly kissed the top of his head and held him there, both in the middle of a shitty motel room, little amounts of light coming from outside and the lanterns, and in the end of the world. Even though it’s not how Nick imagined it at all...it was still perfect to him.

They both were relieved that they felt the same for eachother and that gave them comfort in the whole zombie and failed rescue tragedy. Nick was confident that he wasn’t going to be stuck in an abusive relationship this time, and Ellis was sure that Nick wouldn’t abandon him when he’s at his lowest moments. They both pulled away slightly and Nick leaned down and kissed him on the lips gently. Something felt just so right about this kiss to them. Ellis felt the butterflies in his stomach this time, and Nick knew that he wanted to be with him for the rest of his life.

This time when they pulled away Ellis went to take his shower and Nick searched around the room to see if there was any extra clothing. He loved his suit, but it was beyond salvaging from all the cuts, holes, blood, stains, and the worst of all set in swamp water. He found some things in the drawer, and took a pair of tan colored cargo pants, and a blue long sleeve top that was a little too big for him. His belt would help with the pants being too big. There was clothing in there that would fit Ellis just fine, but it was too small for himself to wear those smaller clothes.

He set the cloths down on the bed and patiently waited for Ellis to finish taking his shower. The hurricane back at the sugarmill was not an actual shower, but was only a quick douse of water. The entire team should be taking one tonight if they figured out it works because getting all of that grime and...other stuff...off of them. Nick tried to turn off his brain as he heard his ex wife and Coach getting it on in the other room. They could have at least pulled the bed away from the wall. Nick grit his teeth trying not to imagine the two having sex.

In the shower Ellis was so happy to feel more human with the shower. There was something just something so relaxing about being clean, and not filthy. He’d grabbed the awful strong smelling lavender shit that was stocked up in the bathroom to clean himself with. Body soap, soap, hell he even used conditioner to help get the smell of death off of himself. The water wasn’t hot, but it still got the job done.

He stepped out of the shower and shivered at the cold air hitting his body. He couldn’t bring himself to put on the dirty cloths. Maybe he’d wash them after Nick was done showering. Hearing what was going on in the other room he nearly vomited all over himself. He threw a towel on and another one over his shoulders to warm up faster. Walking back into the bedroom he opened his mouth to say something, but Nick beat him to it by shutting his eyes tightly and nodding.

“The shower’s all yours,” He told Nick, and he saw the new cloths that Nick had grabbed for himself and his eyes widened. Having saw this Nick laughed carefully as to not hurt his voice.

“There’s more clothes in the drawer,” he stood up and walked into the bathroom with his new set of clothes to take his shower. Ellis just stared at him as he went into the bathroom.

‘Man I never felt like I’ve ever wanted sex this badly before’ Ellis thought listening to the shower start up. ‘Maybe…’. Walking over to the dresser he caught a glimpse of his reflection, and that killed his libido. Frowning he opened the drawer and pulled out a plain black tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants. Smiling because he found new socks and a pair of boots in his size. He’d come to hate any smell that resembled a locker room. Dirty, sweaty feet was the number one smell on that list.

With the new clothes on not including the boots he laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling for a moment before trying to find something to do to distract himself from their ‘neighbors’. After searching the room he came to the conclusion of drinking the alcohol in the mini fridge. A couple beers later and Nick was out of the bathroom.

“You know how we talked about quitting cigarettes?” Ellis asked him. Nick nodded joining him on the bed. The dull moonlight illuminated the room, and shadows on their faces made them look even sexier to eachother. Oh pent up sexual frustration. Ellis’ libioto returned Nick nodded thinking back to how this right before his boyfriend’s meltdown. Yes, yes they are indeed dating now. It was something that didn’t need to be said between them, just a mutual understanding between the two of them. “I’ll quit if you quit with me.” Ellis proposed the idea.

“That sounds good to me. The first week should be the hardest one. We’ll just have to convince Nikki not to smoke in the car tomorrow,” he agreed with him. He’d been meaning to quit for the past year, but he couldn’t help himself when offered one. 

“Thank you Nick,” Ellis leaned his head against him and closed his eyes, and his heart started racing. “So...what do you want to do?” Nick felt his heart leap at that question. It was only around eight, but they’d leave once it got light outside.

“Do you want to have sex?” Nick asked shyly feeling his face heat up. “I-I-I-I mean there was some lube in the bathroom.”

Ellis sat back up and looked at Nick in the moonlight, and Nick nervously turned to look back at him. “We can,” he agreed giving his consent. They got the lube first so there wasn’t as much awkwardness because there would have been a large gap in actions. Setting the bottle off to the side on the stand they looked into eachothers eyes.

The vital questions that were in Gone Girl were true:

What are you thinking?  
How are you feeling?  
What have we done to each other?  
What will we do?

They gazed into eachother’s eyes as if they held all the answers. Staring into the window of the soul they typically say. Their intense gaze was held on by how the moonlight illuminated off of them. They both thought of how incredibly beautiful the other was in this stunning light of surrealism. 

Moving closer and further to the center of the bed they closed the distance to one another. Nick cupped his lover’s face gently and pushed his lips against his in an embrace. Ellis pulled himself closer to him and entangled one hand in his hair and the other around his back to press themselves together. To become even closer together Nick leaned back until he was laying on the bed with Ellis on him. 

Nick ran his hand through Ellis’ soft brown curls and the other on the small of his back. Because of the new position Ellis to keep from crushing Nick had one knee up high and the opposite arm keeping him balanced over him. His other hand had gone from Nick’s hair to under his shirt causing him to moan. Ellis slipped his tongue into his mouth with his lips parted to deepen their kiss further. 

They soon started running out of breath and began panting in between kisses and pecks. Slowly but surely Nick got Ellis’ shirt off, provided that Ellis helped him and he got a little bit of a show out of it. Reaching up to touch those smooth muscles of his Nick wondered what he did to get that before the end of days. The younger man was getting a little impatient as well with Nick’s shirt and pulled it off of him when he was sitting more up having taken off his own shirt. 

Ellis admired Nick’s bare chest once the shirt was off and kissed a trail going from his lips down to his erect nipple. He didn’t touch the bruise on his neck because he was being gentle. However, after flicking his tongue around the soft nub he playfully bit it electing a sweet moan from his lover. Almost as soon as he did it Nick went back in for a kiss and pulled Ellis back up with him. 

At the same time Ellis was unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. He slid his hand inside his boxers making Nick gasp in lust. To match him Nick put his hand in his sweatpants and made him moan. Ellis broke of their kiss once he’d been teased enough, and he sat up to where they weren’t able to physically touch each other’s hard members. 

“What do you wanna do?” Nick gasped out trying to catch his breath. Ellis reaches over for the bottle of lube with a smile. 

“I want to be on top and have you scream my name,” Ellis leaned down and kissed him again. He helped him take off his pants and boxers to help free him from the confines of clothing and to help prevent them from getting messy. Ellis took his sweatpants and boxers off swiftly after him. 

Completely naked now nothing was in between their grinding. Their moans and pants filled the room. Deciding that if he doesn’t do anything to stop at the current rate they’re going they’ll both cum before anything else is done so he leaned back up enough to open the lube and pour it over his fingers. 

“Have you done this before or something?” Nick panted wrapping his arms around Ellis’ neck. 

“No,” Ellis shook his head. “Just a lot of dirty porn on fanfiction sights. I did have sex with a girl once though, but that was a one night stand.”

Nick couldn’t help, but laugh at the admission because he seemed like he was pretty damn experienced. “You’ll have to-ahhhh!” Ellis knew how to shut him up quick by pushing his index finger in the tight ring of muscle. Satisfied with Nick’s moaning they made out some more while he was preparing him. 

While he found the task a bit repetitive he enjoyed hearing Nick’s moans a lot. He wondered if this’ll be the same when Nick’s on top to him. Listening to the person you’re having sex with moaning obviously increases the drive for the person hearing it. Feeling like Nick was relaxed enough he added another finger to stretch him out more. With a second finger in the mix he started scissoring them around to adequately stretch him. He then remembered something and curled his fingers, and he knew he found it from how hard Nick moaned into his lips. Over and over he kept hitting that sweet spot inside of him.

Fuck if Nick wasn’t enjoying this. He’d been a bottom in almost every encounter, but they way Ellis paid attention to his needs and wants turned him on more than anything. He enjoyed the slower pace that they were going because his relationship before was bend over, fuck, and done. The intimacy and foreplay was something that he really craved in a relationship. 

On the brink of cumming Ellis retracted his fingers out of him and got more of the lube, but this time to lube up himself. Leaning close to Nick’s he whispered, “Ready?”

Nick nodded latching onto Ellis’ back. Ellis took this as consent and slowly guided himself in taking his time to not hurt Nick. Though Ellis might have a couple of scratches on his back in the morning for how hard Nick’s nails we’re digging into him. Clinging to the younger male on him he knew that the burn would go away soon, but it still ached. He was drawn away from the burn by Ellis stroking him. Oddly enough to Ellis he was getting off to the nails digging into his skin, eliciting a sweet drawn out moan from his lips.

Gazing into Ellis’ eyes he nodded and Ellis started to thrust shallowly into him, taking his breath away. Ellis was enjoying the sight in front of him, he was really turned on by causing Nick bliss. Nick wrapped his legs around his back to make the thrusts deeper and hit that perfect angle causing his own back to arch off of the bed.

“Ngh...Ellis...faster…” he moaned between thrusts. As if he’d pushed a button on the mechanic he sped up his thrusts. Grunts and moans filled the air, the rocking of the cheap motel bed, the moonlight in the dark, and the humid air making them both glisten in sweat. Moving a hand away from Ellis’ back he anchored it in his brown curls to bring them back into a kiss.

Moonlight kissed bodies,  
Sweat sheen skin,  
Hearts racing,  
Lust filled brains,  
Pleasure that came with the pain,  
Tender kisses,  
Patience and care,  
Nervous gestures,  
Compassion,  
Is love.

They’d come a long way since they met in the Vanna hotel. They went through pain, loss, and fear together. They’ve shared meals, beds, stories, and comfort through all the hell as well. Nick fell for Ellis’ compassion and and kindness. Ellis fell for Nick’s reliability and sweet side. Being stuck in hell wasn’t so bad with someone that they liked. They needed someone to turn to, and somebody to kiss that understood them.

Moaning into the kiss with every thrust that nearly sent him over everytime Nick tightened his grip on Ellis’ back with the one hand that was around it, and squeezed his legs tighter around him. Faster, harder, and more pleasurable the thrusts were becoming to them both as they drew closer and closer to orgasm.

Ellis broke of the kiss painting, “Nick…” He buried his head onto the sheet. His face was flushed red.

“Me too…” he moaned, his cheeks just as red. Ellis took hold of Nick’s shaft and started stroking him in time with his thrusts that were growing erratic. “Nyah…! Ellis…!”

“Nick…” Ellis moaned out his name as well.

“ELLIS!” Nick called out as loud as he could having came first and hard sending it all over Ellis’ hand and their chests. Ellis came inside of him from the pure tightly pulsating muscles around his cock milking him into cumming almost immediately. Their vision blindingly light and heated moans was pure ecstasy and bliss. When they both came down from their highs, still panting Ellis pulled out and rolled to Nick’s side. The older man wrapped an arm around him and smiled into a light postcoital kiss. 

‘God that was amazing’ they both thought to themselves. Ellis pulled the cheap blanked up and over them. He tucked himself to snuggle up to Nick and they both laid there for some time letting their breathing catch up to them.

“Happy Birthday Ellis,” Nick whispered to him. 

“Thank you,” he nuzzled closer to him. They stayed like that for awhile before getting up to wash themselves off in the shower together. Washing themselves off with the soap again because who knows when they’d be able to use soap again. When they were finished in the shower Nick gave Ellis a quick peck before they went back to the bed to sleep.

Ellis was happy to enjoy the company of someone of whom he could trust completely, as did Nick. Together they melted into one another. Having not realized it themselves they were in love. It really doesn’t take that long to fall in love. They already had an established relationship, and loved each other in the sense that they never wanted to see the other hurt, but their platonic love turned into a romantic love. It’s not uncommon to fall in love with someone that you see everyday, especially in a situation this extreme.


	7. Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving the motel. More car ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted something for the first time in over a month, yay! I have my own problems with depression and eating if that makes the feelings in the story more believable. I overeat, not under eat.
> 
> Reframed  
> -Headstones, The Oracle of Hi-Fi

In the morning they woke up to Rochelle banging on their door. The two had cuddled up in their sleep. Begrudgingly they had to leave their embrace and face the new day, but at least they knew that they had each other now. Quickly they both got dressed to get out the door. Nick groaned thinking about how he and the others were going to be trapped in the back of the car. Ellis pocketed the remaining lube in his sweatpants pocket. The only thing that he kept of his outfit was his hat. He wouldn’t part with that unless he found something better to replace it.

They left their room and headed to the prison. Nikki was impatiently waiting in the car already while sitting in Coach’s lap smoking a cigarette. Nick went over to his ex wife and whispered to her, “Me and Ellis are going to try quitting so can you not smoke in the car.”

“Fine…” she growled at him and threw her cigarette out the window. Greg snickered slightly earning him a glare. “Think that’s funny again and I’ll burn you.” Nick and Ellis climbed into the backseat with Rochelle and soon they were on their way again to Vegas. 

“So how’d did everyone sleep last night?” Rochelle asked generally to be not completely antisocial like yesterday. 

“Eh,” Greg replied shrugging. Not social in the least bit.

“Me and Coach slept *very* well last night,” she implied heavily. From Rochelle’s angle she could see Coach squeeze Nikki’s leg slightly, and it sent chills down her spine.

“What about you two?” Rochelle asked eyeballing their clean appearance. 

“The shower worked, and there was new clothing,” Ellis answered her, and Nick nodded in agreement. She was stunned, and the other couple turned their heads to them. Greg, on the other hand did not look amused. He did not react so he must be helium. (Cough cough awful science joke)

“The water worked in yours?” Nikki blinked rapidly.

“Yours didn’t?” Ellis asked, and Nikki shook her head no.

“Me and the motor boy’s didn’t either,” Rochelle was staring off into space on the fantasy that she could have had a shower.

“Nicky tell me the next time...lucky assholes…” Nikki grumbled the insult under her breath crossing her arms.

“Well...other than that how was you twos night?” Rochelle asked Ellis.

“If you must know,” Nikki butted in the conversation crossing her legs and looking in the rearview mirror to see Rochelle’s reaction when she said it. “-me and this big *sexy* man had some fun.” She was not disappointed in her reaction to the news. Nikki was getting off on disgusting Rochelle. She didn’t care that she was making an enemy because it was entertaining her.

“Um...me and Nick slept well...the shower helped us to fall asleep...being clean is very relaxing…” Ellis awkwardly said, Rochelle turned to him smiling. 

“You seem better today,” Ellis’ face heated up to Rochelle’s assumption.

“Some days...are better than others,” he told her hesitatingly.

Some days he didn’t want to get up from the couch except to get more food and go bathroom. Some days he could barely manage to get out of the bed. Some days he was running around everywhere and doing everything, and some days he acted normally. It just depends on the day.

“Ok,” she nodded at him she looked past him to talk to Nick. “Can you speak?”

“A little,” he whispered nodding. Ellis couldn’t help but feel a little bit hurt that Rochelle couldn’t think of anything else to say to him.

“Well that’s good news,” she smiled, Nick nodded in agreement. He wanted to save his voice as much as he could for Ellis.

The bruise was looking like it was starting to heal up. Nick didn’t want to talk. Rochelle didn’t like talking to Nikki, but she usually had some good advice when she would give it out. If she’d give it out. Coach was content with flirting with Nikki. Greg was fine being a loner who didn’t talk for the most part. Ellis didn’t appreciate Rochelle’s lack of understanding.

Speaking of the devil, “You’re so brave Ellis.”

“Thank...you?” he raised a brow at her and turned to watch out the front window.

“You are son. You’re still here,” Coach added looking at him in the mirror.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Ellis rolled his eyes annoyed with how the conversation turned and leaned forward to turn up the radio’s volume. Under DJ Greg they were listening to Eminem’s Relapse album. The current song was Beautiful.

In the song one of the verses was:

Nobody asked for life to deal us  
With these bullshit hands we're dealt  
We gotta take these cards ourselves  
And flip them, don't expect no help  
Now I could have either just  
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned  
Or take this situation in which I'm placed in  
And get up and get my own  
I was never the type of kid  
To wait by the door and pack his bags  
Who sat on the porch and hoped and prayed  
For a dad to show up who never did  
I just wanted to fit in  
In every single place  
Every school I went  
I dreamed of being that cool kid  
Even if it meant acting stupid

Ellis really enjoyed the song feeling it’s resonance with him, and Nick just really liked Eminem’s music and hoped that he was still alive to write more music. Rochelle wished that she had a Britney Spears album right about now. Coach and Nikki could care less because of their flirting that turned into a little bit more than innocent...ish flirting. Nobody, but Nick did anything about it. He was getting pretty damn annoyed about being the one that had to do something. The helicopter pilot, the alarm, and now this??? He’d kicked the seat really hard effectively pissing the two off, but they stopped.

The cravings were getting to Ellis first because Nick had no physical ability to be able to smoke right now. Oh the joys of withdrawal.

Now me as the author has no experience with the withdrawal of cigarettes, but if it’s anywhere close to sugar withdrawal with the amount of that shit I eat then it’s pretty painful. Migraines, intense cravings, irritability, moodiness, and 0 to 60 anger. I think that stopping smoking does increase your appetite for carbs because smoking does reduce the need for carbs by blocking transmitters in the brain.

Grumpy Ellis rest his head against Nick to sleep off the withdrawal. Nick also decided to take a nap he was starting to grow anxious from not having gambled since the other night. When Nick was in his nap as well Coach just remembered how he’d wanted to burn Nick’s suit for ruining his shirt. Well he’ll settle for ripping Nikki’s apart as part of an erotic show as long as she found something new because he didn’t want her ripping him to shreds.

Rochelle ended up taking a nap in the car as well due to boredom, but they ran out of gas in the eastern half of Colorado. The three were awoken by the The Time Warp from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. They jumped awake and scurried out of the car because Greg had turned up the volume high, but that attracted some unwanted attention and they heard the roar of the infected.

Everyone, but Ellis was given a weapon so he went off to go grab something to defend himself with. Having disappeared off from the main group nobody missed that he’d gone off until he was nowhere to be seen, but the infected started to hit him with their full force causing their attention to shift. Ellis found a large stone on the side of the road that could work as a weapon. He walked over to pick it up, bending over he picked it up. With the stone in his hand he spotted a charger in the corner of his eye.

The charger saw him out the corner of its eyes. It roared and started charging to him. Being unable to doge in time he threw the stone hoping that it would do anything to stop it, but it didn’t work. The monster took hold of him screaming and took him fifty yards away down the side of the road uninhibited by cars. Nikki couldn’t say she didn’t see something like this coming, she’d told them that something bad would happen if he didn’t have something to defend himself with. Although the part of her that had to be right was happy that she was going to be able to rub that in everyone’s face.

Ellis’ screams were drawing in the infected to him. Thankfully he was off the side of the road in the grass. The wounds would never compare to how devastating a single hit from concrete would be. Rochelle had gotten hit when she was in the concrete and she’d forgotten how to swear temporarily. (the language part of your brain separates swearing into a different part because of the perceived tabooness when we learn it) With the opening Nick ran up with the spas that Brad had thrown him and tore off down the street with Rochelle providing cover with Ellis’ hunting rifle. The angle was too bad to shoot the charger without a huge chance of hitting Ellis with his own blood on his hands.

Time had slowed down. Every single one of his senses was heightened. Nick could feel the blood rushing through his veins with ever step in his sprint. How the air hit the bottom of his lungs with every breath he took. Ellis seemed so far away from him, but so close. Something in almost an instant threatening to tear them apart over a simple ‘no’.

One...two...three...four…’everything is spinning around’ Ellis had stopped screaming from having been too dizzy and winded by how many times he was hit into the ground. He was slipping out of consciousness with each hit until it dropped over dead. He opened his eyes slightly to see Nick above him freaking out and shaking him slightly. ‘Everything is so light, and I can’t feel anything’

“Sorry…” Ellis whispered dully before his eyes fluttered shut. The scream that ripped from Nick’s throat was the most agonizingly painful thing that any of the other survivors had ever heard. Even though he could barely manage a whisper with his voice like death, his scream was even worse than a witch’s. Full of agonizing loss, sorrow, and pain. That’d kill his voice for another few days most likely.


	8. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right after Ellis died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I posted something. I really need to start typing again. I'm just not in manic overdrive yet. I realize though that my grammar is really bad with the run on sentences when I'm in that mood though.
> 
> Remember I eat up kudos and comments like they are the blood for a vampire. They are highly appreciated.
> 
> Fortress  
> -Dala

It was like he’d gotten everything just to have it taken away from him. Like he was cursed since birth. He finally had someone that he trusted in his life. Ripped away and smashed into something that was lifeless. Mixtures of emotions flooded his mind, breaking him from reality. 

‘I could have stopped this if I knew where he was’ the thought intruded into Nick’s mind. 

When the other’s rushed over to see Nick was doing CPR on Ellis’ lifeless body.

‘If everyone was together this wouldn’t have happened’

Coach ran back to the car and grabbed the medicine bag from the car and tore back over to help Nick revive him. Yanking his shirt well up his chest Coach attached the pads of the AED to him. Before he turned on the thing to get ready for the shock he remembered what Ellis had said back on the highway and took out an adrenaline and injected him with it while Nick was still doing compressions on him. He hoped that this worked. Turning on the machine and waiting for it to load up he saw the pain and determination on Nick’s face. The hope on his face to revive Ellis was disheartening because there was a chance that he was gone for good.

‘Because we were separated’

As soon as the machine was ready he was about to push the shock button, but he realized that Nick was too entranced to notice that the AED was even taken out. “Nick! I need to shock him!” Coach commanded him to no avail. The transe that Nick was in was too strong. Brad and Greg pulled him off screaming.

The time that it had taken them to grow close and fall for one another…

It felt like no time has passed…

Like he was just a blink in their tragic lives…

Now he was gone…

What would he do without him now? 

The paralyzing thought gripped Nick’s mind.

It was all he could think about…

It was all he could do while trying to claw off the men who were pulling him away.

‘I guess he did find someone else...this makes me really jealous’ Zack thought watching the spectacle. He wasn’t smart enough to pick up on their relationship earlier. Coach shocked Ellis twice before injecting him with another shot of adrenaline. The next shock didn’t work and the AED didn’t have more than three shocks left, but thankfully Ellis gasped with the next shock.

The two men let go of Nick and he dropped down to the ground hugging Ellis crying his eyes out. He thought he’d lost him in that moment. He cried so hard that he was hiccuping. Looks like the special infected were getting even smarter. The smoker that had gotten him, and the charger that had gotten Ellis.

“Nick…” Rochelle rubbed his back lightly. “He’s alright now. We need to to get off the highway and find somewhere to go. Coach will carry him and you can lean on me.” Nick mouthed no to her and started to panic when he was pulled away from him again. 

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this scared before. Yeah, he caught the feels for him, and they totally fucked last night. Coach lost that one, damn he’s bad at making his own bets. Oh well...he likes eating my pussy’ Nikki thought watching from a distance.

“Damnit Nick! Please quit acting like a rabid dog!” Brad told him struggling to maintain his grip on him as coach picked Ellis up like a ragdoll. Nick managed to slip out of their grip and ran over screaming and tried to grab him out of Coach’s arms. This time Brad, Greg, and Zack pinned him on the ground.

“You better calm the hell down before miss drug dealer dopes you up Nicky,” Nikki pointed out standing above him watching her brother closely. Rochelle sharply turned to her and slapped the cigarette right out of her mouth.

“SHUT THE HELL UP!!! What the hell was I supposed to do! We don’t have any actual guidance, and at least I don’t sleep with married men!” Rochelle accused getting close to Nikki’s face. Nikki glared into hers and smirked.

“Trying to control everything that goes on because you have no control in your own life before this?” She sneered at the other women. Her tabaco filled breath permeated the air that they breathed.

“Like you’re so perfect,” Rochelle rolled her eyes. “I thought Nick was the biggest asshole besides my bosses, but I can see where he learned it from. He’s nothing compared to you. You are the most pigheaded, money grubbing, whoreish, *cunt* I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.”

“I never claimed to be a good person like you Ms. Tries to do the Right Thing,” Nikki bared her teeth.

“I try at least unlike you,” Rochelle got even closer.

“Please make out,” Brad whispered to them. “I’ll pay you two in whatever you want.”

Even when women are in a fight they’ll band up to fight a common male threat to them despite how bad the fight is. Brady boy had just made the ultimate mistake by talking during an argument. A heated on because that mattered significantly, and mentioning something sexual got him an automatic deduction of 40% on his final grade.

“Do we look like prostitutes to you?” Nikki stepped forward. Zack opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it once he say the glare that Nikki gave to him.

“Seriously?!?” Rochelle yelled at him. “After all that time you spent in the bathroom jacking off last night!!! Pig!!!”

Being held down for this amount of time gave Nick the chance to calm down quite a bit. Slipping out from under their grip Nick got up and walked down the road ignoring the fight going on. He picked up Ellis’ cap off the ground and hugged it close to him and let a few silent tears fall from his eyes. Letting himself fall to his knees on the ground and sobbed lightly clutching onto the hat like it would make everything better. 

He didn’t want to lose someone that he’d let get close to him knowing that he’d never be able to recover from heartbreak again. ‘I really love him...I love him...why can’t I have happiness without something bad happening’ he beat himself up in his mind. Coach walked up behind him with big gruff footsteps.

“Nick...he’s alright now...he’s just too exhausted to be awake from the beating that he took. We need to get going now,” Coach reasoned with him. Nick nodded once and got off of the ground. “By the way if you don’t want to lose your voice permanently you need to stop making a sound for a week. I suggest using some duct tape over your mouth to help.”

Nick glanced at him blankly with sorrow in his eyes. He knew that his suggestion was right because he really needed to stop using his voice. Holding the hat tightly in his hand and his magnums on his thighs he ignored the rest of the group while they were walking together. If they could find a ride they’d be in Vegas in a day, but without it it’ll take awhile since they’re on foot in the mother fucking mountains now. 

The women have ganged up on the pervert of the group for now and were bonding over something they hated. She also explained the difference between a twin flame and a soul mate to everyone. 

“While most people think that you only meet ‘the one’ and they think it’s their soul mate it’s actually their twin flame. Soul mates can be multiple people and even friends. Like me and Nick so to speak of. A soul flame is ‘the one’ that we speak of is like one soul in two bodies. I know that everyone is thinking it and Nick it’s alright. Your reaction made me think that you two are twin flames, and I’m happy that we had to leave your notebook behind,” Nikki explained, but she didn’t elicit any reaction from her ex. Nick was far too mentally checked out to pay attention. She frowned, but her suspicions were confirmed now. Everyone knew to not try and talk to him right now. He was so far out of it, but he’d snap if anyone did anything. 

‘I’m really jealous of a hick’ Zack thought bitterly. It angered him that Nick had been able to move on from their relationship even though it’d been years since they last saw each other. He started planning on how to kill Nick the very moment that he saw how he smiled when Ellis was near. This would need the right moment and time, and maybe to have some fun beforehand if there was a lot of time. It disappointed him that he wouldn’t be able to beg for his life, but he didn’t care about it that much for it was a minor detail to him.

How, where, when, and Zack knew why. How was a great aspect to think about if he had time. Where was what he could get ahold of. When was whenever he thought he had a lot of time. He was jealous. Watching him from behind he surveyed his target with searching eyes.

They walked for several hours following a map that Greg had that took them off the highway and to a nearby town. They went to the first safehouse they saw. A one room preschool classroom. Rochelle and Coach thought darkly of what could’ve happened to the children that used to go here. Their paintings littered the walls. Haunting those who come to rest. Coach set Ellis down to rest on one of the long tables that was close to the floor. Nick immetely plopped down beside him and held his hand. Zack shot daggers at him, but maintained his composure when anyone would turn to look. The last person who needed to look at him was his sister who’d ring his neck out for just the look.

Rochelle counted up the food that they had left and decided to wait for morning to eat. Too bad that they weren’t able to take more food with them when they left the truck stop. Nick, Nikki, herself, and Greg were fine not eating for the night, but the others complained. Only stopping when they saw the state of their remaining supplies. 

Nick found the book in Ellis’ boot that he’d hidden since back at the safehouse from the crash when he went to take the shoes off. He’d taken up to reading it for the most part of the evening and night until he finished it. Setting it down beside him he reached for Ellis’ hand again and fell asleep holding it. Nikki and Coach had some fun in the bathroom that they claimed as theirs. Rochelle was up on a piece of climbing equipment watching Greg read food labels, Brad do unspeakable things in the corner while looking at pictures from a children's book, and Zack paint his gun with the washable paint. 

She wished that she could go back to her old life. Tired of fighting to survive and those around her hurting themselves or getting hurt, but she had a feeling that it was going to get much worse. Like what they’ve done up until this point had been only the beginning of the end. To her, Nick was going to be heartbroken and kill himself over Ellis’ killing himself. They’d be gone. Nikki having Coach wrapped around her finger left her to herself. She’d convince him to leave the others behind with her. Greg upon finding a vault or something of greater value would lock himself in...alone. Brad would die upon finding a porno shop. That would only leave her with Zack, and he gave her a really bad vibe. She has this feeling that Nikki, Nick, and Zack were withholding information about their past together. She wondered if a cure was in development at all, if it was a lost cause, made, or nobody left to make it. Looking at the couple she hoped that there would be.

‘What would I do without you?’ Nick thought rubbing his thumb numbly over the soft skin of the back of Ellis’ hand. He knew what he’d do; drink himself to death with a piece of six inch steel to comfort him. Falling asleep he tried to imagine a future where they’re happier.

Dream……………………………………….

Nick sat up in bed and hit the annoying alarm off. An arm wrapped around him and someone kissed him lightly on the cheek. Turning he saw Ellis’ happy grin and kissed him back. “Too bad I’ve got work today. I’d much rather stay here in bed with you Nick,” Ellis pecked him lightly and got off of the bed. He had a pep to his walk that Nick hadn’t seen since the beginning on the rooftop. 

“Why? What is today?” he asked Ellis who was putting on his coveralls. It wasn’t even light out yet. Ellis glanced back up at him and chuckled.

“It’s nothin special,” he blushed. “I just love you is all, and rather be here with my husband then to be with angry customers who can’t read an oil light until their car breaks down.” 

“When did we get married?” Nick stood up walking across the hardwood floors. Ellis rolled his eyes, and sat on the ground to put on his boots.

“I seriously hate how serious your PTSD is sometimes,” he struggled with the lacing. “Repeat after me: I am Nick Ray, and I took my husband Ellis’ last name. I am 28 and I am not anywhere near where they’re were zombies, and I survived that hell with my husband. We married soon after we-” the voice changed into Zack’s and morphing into him. “Weren’t rescued because I murdered Ellis and took you back.”...................................................................................

Nick jolted awake and smacked the hand that was shaking him awake. “Nick!” Ellis growled snatching the book off of the ground. “I didn’t want anyone to read it.” Nick didn’t reply with any expression at all becoming blank at remembering how Ellis had almost died yesterday. Tears swelled in the corners of his eyes. Ellis softened up from his initial anger that someone else had read the book and pulled Nick into a hug, letting his head rest in his to hide his tears while he silently sobbed.

Ellis couldn’t remember what happened. The last thing he remembered was getting into the car from the motel and that was it. He had no idea why his entire body felt like he’d been hit by a bus or why his breathing was harsh and sporadic with a lot of pain. From what he could tell he’d sustained some kind of terrible injury. He ran his fingers through Nick’s hair lovingly to reassure him. Whatever it had been it was enough to rattle Nick entirely he believed.

Noticing that he was awake Rochelle got off her perch to check up on Ellis. Walking over she noted how emotional Nick was. “Hey sweetie,” she got their attention. Ellis was holding Nick to his chest. “How are you feeling?”

“I have no idea why I’m in some kind of ghost town, and why I hurt like I’ve been thrown by a tank over and over again?” He inquired. The amount of time that he was actually dead messed with his memory of that day greatly she realized frowning because she’ll have to explain it to him.

“Let me get Coach really quickly, but I’ll have to get Nikki as well,” she started walking away finishing the sentence in her head. Looking back down at Nick he rested his head on his. Whatever it was it was enough for Rochelle to get backup.

‘So something bad did happen...was it something I did? Did I try to kill myself? Did someone else get hurt because of what I did? I hurt Nick for sure? I’m sorry…’ he thought tearing up himself and didn’t notice when she returned not just with Coach.

“Son…” Coach sat down with them.

“It’s my fault isn’t it?” Ellis quickly spoke up holding Nick closer to him. “Someone got hurt because of me.” Nick shook his head no into him. 

“If you ask me it was the idiots who thought you shouldn’t have a gun because you tried to grab something to defend yourself with,” Nikki spoke her mind and the truth with her arms crossed and a cigarette between her lips. Rochelle glared back up at her for the accusation. 

“You got taken far away by a charger, but you were in the mud thankfully. Nick charged after you with a shotgun, but you were already badly beaten…” Coach changed the subject of the conversation trailing off in the end.

“You died Ellis...Nick screamed like I’ve never heard...even in a movie...i’ve never heard such a thing...we pulled him off of you during CPR to shock you...I don’t want to think about what we would’ve had to do...if you stayed dead…” Rochelle finished for Coach.

“They’re right,” Nikki nodded. “You scared the shit out of us all, but especially him...hmmmmmm…*puffs*...it would’ve killed him if you would’ve died. In my opinion you two are in love so just say it and show it because you two already act like it. I think I’d even kill to like someone that much...sorry Coach...I’d still like to be together…”

Coach, “...” 

“Hmm…” Nikki.

Awkward.

“Anyways, Ellis, you seem like you’re doing better, and we’re happy for you two…” Rochelle patted his free shoulder.

“I’m-m-m-m s-s-s-sor-sor-sorry,” Ellis shut his eyes tightly trying to think of the words, and to keep his anxiety from boiling over into a panic. Nick moved away enough so that he could hold Ellis instead. Finding out that he was dead was hard enough, but to know that he broke someone in the process was sending his mind into overdrive.

Nick lightly kissed his head reassuringly.

“It’s nothing to apologize for,” Nikki said sitting down reluctantly. “You can’t control a lot of things. You couldn’t control that charger, you couldn’t control being killed, and you certainly can’t control someone else’s emotions because trust me, me and my brother have both tried.” That hint of hear and her brother’s evil deeds popping up.

Her words made Ellis feel slightly better, but he couldn’t help but feel the crushing guilt that he felt in his mind. Hearing Nick’s heartbeat helped to calm him down slightly. It reassured him that something in this world was real and still here for him. His strong grip reminded him of how much the older man cared for him, and that he wasn’t pretending to like him.

“Son…” Coach snapped him from his thoughts. “It’s okay...we’re all here for you.” the reassuring words did nothing to make him feel more reassured, but it was nice to hear them. Ellis nodded acknowledging that he heard the words and clang to Nick tighter. 

“I would like to share something!” Zack exclaimed for all to hear.


	9. Betrayal, Betrayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violence ensues and characters died off because I wrote this before around October 10th.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually was putting off posting more because I wanted to make this chapter, the chapter before, the chapter after, and after that longer, but no...I'm never going to get around to it. At least not in the foreseeable future. I might make a remake of the fic one day, but I want to get closer to my goal of a domestic lifestyle and some more questionable choices involving more of morality and not just survival.
> 
> Don't be fooled  
> -Hugh Dillon

Nikki sharply turned to glare at her brother who was standing up with his arms in a v while smoking the shitty Kool cigarettes. “People lie, cheat, steal, rape, and murder all the time so get used to it!” 

‘I do not like the slight emphasis on the words one bit, that scheming asshole’ Nikki narrowed her eyes.

“So says his majesty of all of that,” she snapped at her brother. He rose his hands defensively.

“I’m not the one that told me to do shit though to hide my shit to make me seem more like an angel, you less like a savior, and Nick seem-”

“I know what I am, but you-” Nikki cut it spinning aheal to get to him so she could intimidate him.

“I know what I did to hurt him, but you knew for a long time. Does that make me seem worse...no...it makes you look really bad because you had the chance to do more,” he pointed at her. Brad hopped up like an eager puppy and ran over to him.

“Why? What are you talking about in code?” Brad quickly questioned. 

“None of you-” Nikki glared at Brad and was shoved to the ground by her brother with that momentary gain of distraction. He towered over his sister and she glared at him murderously, but didn’t do anything with her disadvantage from the floor. Zack only smirked at her.

Locking dead into Nikki’s eyes he explained, “When Nikki and Nick were married he had an affair with me. I’m not anywhere near a saint so I held him down while he begged me to stop, told him he was fat even though he was bone thin, beat him to the point where even I though I’d killed him, and stole his security away from him.”

Nick shuddered at the reminder of the abuse.

“He didn’t even realize it at the time too because he was so high off of gambling all the time. Nikki watched me beat him before from outside their house. She didn’t do anything until I made *ideal* threats to kill him…”

“You were going to kill him. Just like you plan on doing it soon. I am an asshole. I am not a good person. I’m a psychopath. I don’t have any regard for anyone. The only reason why I’m being nice to him now is because my therapist before this said to try and do something nice for someone other than me. Originally that was going to be just giving back the fucking gun to him, but to give him happiness is what I need to do to finish my therapy. Yeah, it’s warped, but I don’t do anything else, but for me. I don’t give a shit what happens to anyone else, but me. Numero uno mi hermano, that’s it,” she groveled on the ground. Zack had pulled his gun to her and she had moved for it to be in the center of her forehead.

“So you never liked me?” He questioned her tears falling from his face. His undying blood loyalty was only on a reciprocated basis, a demand even.

She laughed darkly at him and smiled and started screaming with her teeth bared, “I’ve always hated you Zack, now shoot me just like you want to. Do it...save me the trouble of having to try and be a better person...DO ITTTTTTT!-”

BANG!

Her body fell to the side slumped over dead. Everyone stared in shock at what he’d just done to his sister. Her lifeless eyes remained open with the star like entry wound that came with being point blank at a target. Zack gazed up at the ceiling with his mouth slack and lowered the gun. Pissed that his sister had never loved or liked him angered his sociopathic impulsive nature into killing her. 

Greg had a gun to the back of his head. “YOU WANT TO BE NEXT???” Zack yelled at him turning around to face to barrel. 

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!! I NEVER WANTED TO FOLLOW YOU!!! I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO DIE!!! GO!!!” Greg freaked out on him. Zack whipped his body around to get out of point blank and to get into a power struggle with him. Everyone, but Brad was too frozen to move so he grabbed out his spas and fired at the men.

Zack bolted receiving a minor wound. He ran out of the safehouse leaving a dying Greg on the ground. He bled out from the femoral artery before anyone could get to him. 

Severed...approximately 23 seconds average bleed out time. He died before anyone could react. Brad dropped down to his dead companion and wailed. Coach and Rochelle quickly baraccaded the door. Nick was paralyzed in shock, Ellis did what he could to try sooth him out of the catatonic state he’d slipped into.

Nick couldn’t help, but wonder how many times he’d been beaten and raped while Nikki watched. Zack had only found out about her knowing close to the end of their relationship. All of those times he was told to drop to his knees, held down, tied up, choked, hit, slapped, called fat, and everything, she’d had to have seen a lot of it. Never to say anything though. To have her die in front of him confessing those things was like being burned alive.

“Nick,” Ellis whispered shaking him slightly in an attempt to pull his gaze away. “Nick.” He tried again, but no matter how many times he did it Nick wouldn’t snap out of a flashback.

“Ellis...let’s get the supplies together. We need to leave as soon as possible without running into him,” Rochelle interrupted him to try and get more hands to help. “I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you lately, but we really need you now more than ever.” She rest a hand on his shoulder. He knew that she was right and he had to be there for Nick and the rest of the group, he could handle breaking down more later, but for now he had to be here. Nodding once he left Nick’s side, slipped on his boots with the book and went to help Coach and Rochelle grab the supplies that they needed.

Even though Brad was never close Greg he still cared deeply about him. They’d been around each other since they met up and Greg had saved his life a multitude of times. A fearless loner that died trying to save the group. He’d accidentally killed the savior. A ghost of a hand touched his shoulder comforting him in his actions that led to his death. He would move on and not let Greg’s sacrifice be in vain, even if that meant that he’d die killing Zack. So that’s what he would do if it came down to it. His death wouldn’t be in vain, and it was a noble sacrifice in his opinion. Rummaging through Greg’s stuff he took out the Eminem album to give to Ellis sometime soon.

Nikki’s corpse lay still on the ground. Her cool calm calculating thoughts to never be given as advice again. No more haunting memories or one night stands. No more manipulation. Even through his catatonic state Nick felt a piece of his mind freed by her death. She’d yelled at her brother to kill her and he did so. All that was left for piece of mind and to be free from the chains of his past was to be free of Zack.

Nick couldn’t even begin to comprehend the pain in his mind. Then there was nothing, and he became nothing so he was nothing. Not able to move, think, feel, react, see, and hear. Like part of his soul had been ripped out and the pain was a wound that was reopened even deeper than it had ever been before. Hearing how cruel Nikki actually was to him and knowing she was right when the day would come that he’d blame her for how his life turned out. The thing the got him the most was how she just stood by and watched all of this happen to him. Never saying or doing anything until it became even too extreme for her to watch.

Coach carried Nick over his shoulder because he couldn’t move. The kind of can’t move that involves staring out into space, no reaction, no movement, just dead eyes. Ellis was finally given back his rifle. Brad kept his spas, and Rochelle had her and Coach’s gun. Coach had Nick’s lesser magnum in hand. As they left they remained on high alert for any sign of Zack.

Nick’s last mental breakdown had led him to be involuntarily committed. He was running through the streets drunk, screaming, and paranoid. The police caught up to him and brought him to the hospital. This had been right after he realized that he was abused and how badly abused he was. He and Nikki were still married at the time. It was soon after he got out that they’d gotten their divorce.

“Jesus…” Ellis muttered lowering his rife, brows knit in horrified confusion. Coach, Rochelle, and Brad stopped in their tracks as well with the same look of horror. What was laying in front of them ahead was truly horrifying. On the ground written in blood read, I’m going to kill the kid with my bare hands while Nick watches and then kill him right after… “Heh, death threats mean nothing to me.” Ellis brightened up with a little bit of dark humor much to the other’s shock.

Rochelle turned to him and took his rifle and gave him her auto. “Stay where everyone can see you...I don’t want him kidnapping you easily...because he will use you as bait from what I can tell.” Ellis nodded because he didn’t want to cause more trouble then he has already. Nick was dead weight in Coach’s arms. Even though he knew that he had nothing to do with Nick’s state he couldn’t help but to feel like he helped cause it in some way.

Coach sighed shifting Nick’s weight. Brad hopped over to his side, “Do you want me to hold him for now? You can take my shotgun.” He held out his spas. Trading the guns with one hand, Coach handed Nick over to him. He stretched and heard the joints pop unceremoniously in his body. Coach was getting too old for this shit.

“I wish that we had someone to help the two of them,” Coach confided in Brad who just chuckled.

“Everyone has their shit. I mean Zack was a real piece of work, so was Greg. I’ve never known anyone who isn’t fucked up, or hasn’t gone through a hard time...You feel me?” Brad adjusted Nick to have a better grip on him. The former Coach was taken back by this and he really had to think about it. He’d lost his father in a car wreck when he was eight. 

“I guess you’re right,” Coach nodded deeply in thought. “I guess not everyone gets the help that they need, and then it turns into a bigger problem.”

Brad turned to him and smiled, “Now you get it.” 

While they were having their conversation Rochelle and Ellis had their own. “I dono Ro...I really dislike talking about it because it’s nobody’s business, but my own,” Ellis scratched his neck anxiously. Their pace had synched up, and were a few feet away from the others. Rochelle frowned disapprovingly.

“You need to rely on others emotionally too. I know that you have all these preconceived notions in your head that makes it hard to...and think that everyone around you is going to hate you, and think of you differently, but that’s only initially because they thought that they had you all figured out. I’m still having difficulty because you seemed happy before about a week ago,” gave him a faint smile before she checked the road ahead of them. Satisfied with seeing nothing she lowered the scope. They haven’t run into anything because they were following Zack’s trail of destruction and they knew it.

“I’ma nervous talker. I don’t think that anyone has ever noticed that about me...I go off on tangents about stories and concepts when I get nervous because that’s how I deflect questions like what you’re asking me,” Ellis idly toyed with the gun in his hands. Rochelle gave a noise of interest to show that she was paying attention and wanted him to continue talking. Taking that as his cue to keep speaking, “I don’t think people know how beautiful ignorance really is...it’s peaceful...knowing is pain.”

“That’s pretty sad, but it’s the truth as messed up as it is,” the reporter agreed noticing the various infected bodies and how they were grotesquely killed. “You’re brave though Ellis and don’t forget it again.” 

Ellis cringed at the comment and wondered if she’d said it back at the car. He’s thankful only to have lost part of his memory, but it hurt knowing that he’d lost some of it. The comment did seem familiar to him. “I’m not brave Ro…” he trailed off, and wished that she wouldn’t comment anymore about it.

“Sweetie you’re the most brave person I know,” She rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. 

“No I’m not,” he shook her arm off quickly. Realizing that their conversation was starting to go sour Rochelle didn’t push it at this moment in time.

Being called brave is awful to him. He believes he’s not, and it hurts him every time he hears it. Truly, it’s awful because he honestly believes he’s not. When someone feels that strongly about something it’s hard to hear someone call you what you’re not. On the verge of flipping out he took a deep breath and counted his steps. Being constantly told something like that was painful, like a lump in his throat. A knife in his mind or even like someone punched him in the gut. It hurt to hear every single time. His mind screamed ‘no I’m not’ over and over again with a punishing glare of hate and aura of depression that washed over him every single time.

Rochelle was only doing what she thought was right. The thing she thought was the best was to tell him how brave he was for continuing to live on and fight. It was going to get worse she thought over and over again since they were in the preschool. She had this feeling that things were going to get much worse. It wouldn’t just be the whole Zack show that was going to go down, no, it was going to come from something much worse. She could almost see it. 

Tragedy would fall upon them in her mind, but none of the survivors thought about what lies beyond survival. Maybe someday...they’d all be safe again and they’ll have to deal with the new fight. The fight of the mind. The war would never be over for them. The war that Ellis fought in his mind would continue. Nick’s would get worse. Rochelle would even get it, and Coach will have to deal with the consequences of cheating on his spouse.

“Holy shit…” Coach walked up closer to a small footbridge that was decorated in blood. He didn’t want to ever tell anyone what he saw when he was close enough to look over. Polaroids of the group, from a couple of minutes ago. Rochelle started to walk up to investigate with him, but stopped in her tracks when Coach waved her off. Brad was absorbed into this as well. Ellis just hung back and listened to the sounds of nature. It was quite nice being in the Rocky Mountains at this time of the year, but it was starting to get cold. They’d have to-

A hand wrapped around his mouth and torso heaving him up so he couldn’t make a sound. Unfortunately for Ellis Rochelle’s gun had a strap to it so it didn’t fall down onto the path to alert the others. They’d traded guns about an hour ago, how unlucky. 

‘Well I may be getting drug away, but at least I’m not being drugged again’ Ellis applauded himself for the weird ass ‘positive’ thought as he was hauled further and further from his team……………………………………….

Somewhere deep in the forest Zack had him tied up and was carrying him. He took an immediate liking to Rochelle’s gun. Ellis didn’t have to really think of where he was being taken to, he undoubtedly knew it was somewhere where only Nick would be able to find with clues that Zack is going to put down after he is secured in the trap. With Nick being Nick he’ll run off to go find him too. Zack had seemed to really want to talk to him about what he was going to do, but tried to keep it in.

“What are you going to do to me?” Ellis asked wanting to acquire more information. He had a nice view of his ass unless he strained his head around to look at all of the trees.

Zack let out a breath he didn’t realize that he’d been holding in before going on to ramble. He was indeed a talkative, selfish, narcissist. “Well I know it’s cliche to reveal my plans, but I’ll tell ya because you asked...Ima tie you up to a pole and yank out one of your molars in the back and dump some bomer puke on you. They won’t notice anything, but you. Don’t worry you’ll be playing hangman until I detonate a charge that will drop you into the horde.”

Zack was not a smart man. He stole his sister’s plan on what she’d do to him if he hurt Nick in any way.

“Lemme guess they’re gonna eat me instead of beating me to death with this one,” Ellis thought aloud. 

“Bingo,” Zack nodded stepping over a fallen tree. “You’ll scream, and Nick will die on the inside completely and he’ll walk straight into the horde if I know him right. Unfortunately for me...Ima have to be careful oh how I set up the trap you see because I only want Nick to come. If Brad catches wind of it he’ll be able to deactivate what I’ll have set up. Just need to find a good place for it...the explosives were Brad’s. It might take a week or two to st it all up, but you aren’t getting left behind… I’m sure of it.”

“Why are you doing this?” Ellis inquiered testing his restraints. The bigger man stopped for a second.

Ellis didn’t want to dwell on what was going to happen to him in due time. He didn’t want to think of the physical pain he’d be in from the dental work that was going to be done on him, or see Nick’s horrified reaction right before he gets mauled. Would it be peaceful? Would it be heavy, panicky, and tired like the Benadryl? Too many questions to think of...for now he’d focus on talking to the childish narcissist. 

“I can’t stand to see him happy unless I deliberately cause it. Ima-busive boyfriend to anyone I’ve ever dated...Don’t worry you’re not my type,” He started moving along the path again.

“Guess I should be thankful,” Ellis mumbled.

“Yup, you should, aaaaaaaaaaaand your super southern voice turns me off completely and thinking about the south makes me completely flaccid,” he TMI explained, and the mechanic wrinkled his nose at the imadry. “I mean you wouldn’t believe how much it sh-“

“That’s good!!! Ummmm...why don’t you talk about something else…like...I dono…” Ellis tried to quickly change the subject getting weirded out by the conversation…………………………………..

They’d lost him. They only had two jobs, walk west and make sure Ellis wasn’t captured. Guess what happened? After the three stopped pissing their pants about the bridge they realized that the youngest survivor had gone missing. Searching around for a couple of hours in the area with no trace to be found Brad finally decided to speak up, “He doesn’t want us to find Ellis.”

“What do you mean?” Coach questioned raising a brow at the other man. Brad paused and pursed his lips and furrowed his brows concentrated and very serious for once.

“If I know him right he wants Nick only to find him. He’s watching us, and is going to wait for him to make a move before making his move,” he shrugged. “Zack may be a dumb son of a bitch, but he can be very patient given if it’s revenge related.”

“We should find a safe house anyways because Nick can’t move as is right now anyways,” Rochelle added walking up to the other two. Brad agreed with a nod.

“God knows that son of a bitch is going to do to that boy,” Brad whispered too low for anyone to hear. It was like a silent prayer for Ellis to be alright. He would be tortured with stories from Zack about Nick to scar him. However, there wasn’t much to really scar him even more with.

There really wasn’t much to say, and there wasn’t much that they could do other then find somewhere to wait out the condition Nick was in. Coach had never seen anyone so lost before. Sure he’d seen some of his players in some serious pain from an injury, but nothing like an emotional injury this deep before. 

These pretty mountains, valleys, and streams that were once beautiful places to see were meaningless to the survivors. To them this was just another place to hold up, fight, and possible die in. At one point in time they all may have really enjoyed this, but now they held resentment to such an inability to see in all directions very easily. The way noise reverberated around them was very unsettling. It felt like they were surrounded by the infected at all times. Unfortunately for them they kinda always are.

In the clutches of Zack he couldn’t help but to believe how he pretended to be his entire life. Pretending he was someone that he wasn’t. That wasn’t enough for a lot of people because they always expected more from him. Ruminating was the only thing he could do with Zack, or listen to the fucked up bastard talk. He realized that he ruminated too much, but there was a point in his life where he basically became a zombie. When he realized that it became clear to him that he would rather feel more miserable all the time and not just react to events that are placed right in front of him.

Not thinking was hard at first, but it’d become easy to him because his thoughts had become to painful for him to deal with. It got easier to not think over time, but he completely lost himself. Convinced himself that he was no longer human, just a shell of a body. When he realized that he’d completely lost himself he spent long nights awake in bed just thinking for hours until he fell asleep at the early hour of four am. When he wasn’t in school, or on the weekend he’d wake up around 1pm. This started in middle school, it was a way to avoid people mainly besides it was really hard to get up out of bed. Getting up means having to function and talk to other people.

Wash the dishes, you’re going to be late, get up, you need to read more, I know you’re smarter than this, why don’t you apply yourself, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, come hang out with me, how was your day, dinner is good right, these things rang in his head. Simple things, more complex things, and harder to answer things. Insults flew around in his head as well. All of these things coming from family, friends, and classmates.

It started with nothing and it will end with nothing. That’s what he thought. Eventually to turn into a memory of being a person once known to fade out of existence. In one hundred years nobody will have known who he was anyways. Very few have a legacy, but why does it even matter...it doesn’t matter in the slightest. It’s irrelevant.


	10. Retribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meh...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter of the evening posted. Probably the last until Christmas Eve or Christmas.
> 
> This Love  
> -Maroon 5

“I can’t believe we lost him…” Coach mumbled throwing another twig in the fireplace. They found a park rangers office that was converted into a saferoom. It was cozy, but cold. 

“I’m more surprised we haven’t found a trace of him in the couple of weeks we’ve been here,” Brad disagreed with the older man. Brad and Coach had lost a decent amount of weight in this saferoom because of the food that had to be rationed out. “Zack must have something big planned out.”

Zack was waiting for Nick to wake up first before making a move. 

Brad was resigned to his fate after finding something out that the others hadn’t noticed. He didn’t tell them. The less people who knew the better. He had a not attached to the Eminem CD that Ellis had really liked before forgetting that car ride. Planning on giving it to him in person, but he’d settle for him getting the memo if that wasn’t possible. It was with his stuff that Coach and Rochelle had picked out for him. A new coat and a pair of snow boots. Smiling at the kindness of the group, he hoped that that their kindness would keep through the trials to come.

“Moping isn’t going to solve anything you three,” Rochelle scolded the two men by the fire while she tried to feed Nick who hasn’t woken up from his catatonic state yet. Coach sighed and went over to her to have a more serious chat. His face was worn and exhausted from the weeks they’ve been running around. 

“Yeah, you’re right...We need to think of a way to wake Nick up from this. Time doesn’t seem to be helping him…” he scratched his chin and Rochelle disappointedly set down the food that she was trying to feed the catatonic man. Coach’s head perked up with an idea. “Do you still have the stuff that you gave Ellis last time?”

“You think it could work? Well I suppose because it was acid,” she went over to the medical bag and got out what she needed and quickly made it. Thank god that they found a stash of clean hypodermic needles. She carefully shot it in to a vein. 

“Haven’t had acid since-well...don’t ask,” Coach remembered the last time he took acid. He and the janitor found it in one of his players lockers and they both decided to trip out in the office. That was about a few weeks before the outbreak. This hadn’t been the first time that he and the janitor had taken the students drugs. Rochelle eyeballed him suspiciously before throwing out the used needle.

“MOTHER OF MERCY!!! WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!!!” Nick screamed under his breath taking off running out the door. 

‘Oh joy’ Rochelle thought thinking back to when Ellis had run off. What went through Coach’s mind was that he was having a bad trip. Leaning up against his seat Brad did nothing, but watch what happened. After Nick was gone he got up took his gun and walked out to the door stopping right before taking a step out. 

“It has begun,” he turned his face to the other two. “Zack is going to move forward with his plans now that Nick isn’t frozen...but…he’s going to have to wait for him to calm down from the uh...stuff.” With that he walked out of the saferoom to hunt Zack on his own. By the time Coach and Rochelle got to the door ready to leave Brad was nowhere to be seen. This left the two confused to as where they should go.

This is not where Nick remembered being, wasn’t too sure as to where he was before, but...he knows that this wasn’t reality. The thing that was nagging at the back of his mind was that he had to go find Ellis and be with him. Something deep down in him knew that there was something really wrong with the situation that he was in. Running his way through the forest and paths he weaved through the trees and snow crunched under his shoes. The first snow to stick to the ground of the season…

Zack wearing a camo jacket with a tied up Ellis were at the top of a tree stand overlooking the side of a mountain. Bound and gagged because he tried one too many times to get away from his captor Ellis sat scowling at the fat man. At least he couldn’t complain that he wasn’t well fed because Zack made a lot of food when he cooked. The ‘fat man’ was looking through a pair of binoculars to see if he can see anything. They were in view of the office that the others were holed up at. 

Upon seeing Nick run out of the office Zack smiled and put the pair of binoculars and turned to his hostage, “It’s time.” Ellis’ eyes widened. He knew that the day would come when Zack would put the plan into action, although...some parts of it had changed. The most painful parts of it would be the dental work and seeing Nick. Dying he could handle because it would be quick from how he was going to get surrounded. Zack hoisted Ellis up and over his shoulder to take to the site. 

‘Wasn’t the way I imagined that I was going to die. I thought it would be something I did to cause it...being murdered is kinda demeaning to me considering that I want to die’ Ellis thought grimly thinking that he doesn’t have too much time left. ‘I wish I would’ve told Nick that night in the motel that I loved him, and that I had for quite awhile, but...it had turned into a romantic love. I don’t think I’ll get to tell him…’

Zack was whistling the psychotic tune to Kill Bill unnerving Ellis. It was bad enough to know that he was on his way to his death, but for this psycho to do that was the icing on the cake. 

‘I wonder if my family is safe...I think that they made it out in time. Keith made it one way or another, he’s survived worse odds. I hope that they’re alright and that they don’t hurt for me anymore’

‘They never hurted for a whiny brat, and they’re most likely dead’ his mind argued with him.

‘Maybe’ he thought tearing up.

‘Nick would flat out reject you for your confession. He’s only going to try to save you because it’ll make him look good’ 

‘He wouldn’t do that’ Ellis thought flatly letting the tears fall from his face and hit the snow. 

They reached the place that he was going to die. A satellite phone pole in the middle of fucking nowhere. Using the ladder to get him tied up there Zack had nearly slipped and killed them both. The explosives were already jerry rigged to the pole. Duct tape that covered his mouth was ripped violantly off, and he was tied by his hands to the top of the pole. It allowed no room to try and wiggle off. The restraints were tight around his wrists, but not enough to cut off the circulation.

Smiling still Zack yanked Ellis’ face up to look him in the eye. Deciding that he had nothing to lose Ellis kicked him hard. Angered because he wasn’t knocked off, but momentarily stunned he forced Ellis’ jaw open and took the pliers out of his pocket. 

“Now...do you have any final words before I take away one of your pearly whites?” He asked sadistically and let go just enough for the young man to give him an answer.

“Nick and I aren’t going to be the only ones to die today! I promise you that! They’ll avenge us!” Ellis growled at him tears still flowing from his eyes. His bloodshot eyes and stoic stare did nothing to phase Zack.

“You look more like a small dog when you’re angry, and don’t worry. I’ll live,” Zack painfully forced Ellis’ jaw open again making him yip in pain. Laughing sadistically he gripped a tooth that looked like it had a cavity in it thinking it would cause the most amount of pain for trying to kick him off. Ellis’ eyes widened in fear and time slowed down until he pulled on the tooth. A gut wrenching scream bellowed from him. Crimson blood flowed like the the nearby stream from his mouth. Down his face. Down his jacket, and down to the snow below. 

He wasn’t the only one to start screaming. The cries of the infected shrieked around the forest in an echoing howl. His tooth cracked under the pressure that was added eliciting another shriek in the scream. Deciding that he was cutting it close to when the infected would show up Zack took out a bottle of boomer puke and dumped it over Ellis’ shoulders. The young man squeezed his eyes shut from the nausea and pain that he was in.

“I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO NICK!!!” Ellis gurgled kicking the air. Zack was down and walking away to wait for his moment to flip the switch. The infected completely ignored the man who was walking away in favor of going to try and reach for the pinata in the air covered in puke and fresh blood.

“I hope so too kid, but you were only collateral!” Zack waved off going for his tree stand to watch from afar until he would flip the switch. Oddly enough Ellis had felt really bad as soon as he’d screamed at Zack even though Zack planned on murdering him.

It had been some time from the moment Nick had left the office to where time stood now. He heard Ellis’ and the infected’s howls in the air, and thought that it was crazy how the infected rushed past him to get to their target. Even though he had no idea where he was, and why he was where he was he started running to the sound of Ellis’ cries. The last thing he remembered was being back at the bloody nightmare preschool of hell, and then he was in some cabin ass shit with three hunters around him. 

It had taken him an hour after his trip was over to realize that he ran away from his group with one person gone and that Rochelle had given him something. What he wanted before hearing Ellis was some answers. Where the hell was he? How much time had passed? Why he can’t remember how he got to this point? Where was everyone because he was alone? Where was his guns? Most of all, was Ellis ok?

Sprinting through the trees he ran to the source of the cries, but stopped when he saw the sheer abundance of infected surrounding his love. Yes he referred to him as his love. After nearly losing him to the charger he knew that he was in love with the young mechanic in training. 

Something that he never thought that he was capable of was love. True love, not lust. When he was with Zack it was just lust. With Ellis he felt like the pain could disappear even if it was only a moment. In that night that they had sex was wonderful to him. Someday when this was all over he would propose to him, and maybe they’ll get their happily ever after, but when was anything that simple?

The infected were trying to reach his love like he was a pinata at a children's birthday party. The special infected didn’t seem to like the woods and hills very much. Though they liked the swamp that reminded Nick of the movie Deliverance very much so.

Ellis locked eyes with Nick for a brief moment before looking down at the infected trying to reach for his feet to avoid eye contact with him. He had no weapon to try and rescue Ellis with, and had no idea on where he could obtain one at. There was a tree close enough to the pole where he could climb up and get to the pole to at least be with him……………………………..

“I’m glad that the shot hit the whinny bastard instead of getting you instead. I’m sorry I nicked you though, had to make it look believable,” Brad walked up behind Zack in the treestand. Brad wore a big bulkley jacket. Turning around and hugging his friend Zack smiled.

“I know you weren’t some pussy basterd! God Damn man I love ya!” he held onto the hug for a few extra seconds before turning back around to watch his captive. Brad hugged Zack’s waist from behind.

“Although I’m straight I can make an exception for you, but right now it’s time to get revenge,” he emphasized the word revenge. Perking up Zack waited and watched as Nick started to climb the tree. He held up the button…

Brad knew he was about to die, but he didn’t care. Even though he was a loyal person Zack was an awful person and his sacrifice wouldn’t be in vain, he smiled knowing that. He took in the beautiful sights of the snow, trees, streams, and the mountains before him knowing it would be the last thing he would see. Part of him wanted Zack to know what was about to happen, but he knew that this would be his only chance. At least he saved the lovebirds and avenged his friend all while stopping a murderer.

Before Zack had left Ellis tied up Brad had caught up and watched from a distance. When he was sure that Zack had left, but hadn’t started watching through the binoculars he’d crawled through the horde and took the explosives and attached them to himself. A suicide like this was what he used to yell at the tv for before this and thought that he would never do, but things had changed. He was fine with this as Zack pressed the button unknowingly ending both of their lives…………………………………...

Right as he was climbing the tree an explosion went off in the distance. The infected were drawn to the new source of sound as they ran to that insead.

‘What the hell?’ Nick and Ellis both thought watching the infected go away.

(Now I’m putting in an author's note right here because while I’m not a fan of deus ex machina plots it only made sense to put one in right here to have both characters remain alive. Besides Brad knew Zack very well from the the time they spent in the apocalypse because Greg rarely spoke.)

Ellis craned his neck to watch Nick as he climbed the last of the tree and hopped over to the pole and somehow managed to stay on it. “Sorry I ain’t no Rapunzel Nick,” Ellis laughed a little bit blood all over the inside of his mouth that showed. 

“It’s alright I’m no knight in shining armor, and you’re perfect to me,” Nick said lightly being weary of his throat and started to untie him. Hmmm...he realized that at least a week had passed because he could speak somewhat.

“You seem like a knight in armor right now to me. I haven’t seen anyone, but Zack in two weeks. He was waiting for you,” Ellis looked away from him feeling guilty about being used as bait to lure Nick out to be killed. 

“It’s okay Ellis,” Nick sighed. “Don’t blame yourself. This was my fight he drug you into this because he wanted to hurt me, but something tells me that the explosion was Zack.”

“I’m sorry still for making you worried,” Ellis teared up again. Grabbing onto Ellis’ waist as he undid the last of the knots the rope fell freeing Ellis.

“Don’t be because I love you, and I should’ve told you sooner,” Nick gradually tried to lower themselves to the ground, but lost his grip and fell about seven feet softly into the snow. Ellis thudded down beside him.

“I l-l-love you t-too Nick,” Ellis stuttered throwing an arm around Nick content to laying in the snow together. 

Serenity. Nick still had his arm wrapped around Ellis and was watching the soft flakes fall from the sky down to the earth. Cuddled up to him falling asleep Ellis was with him, and all ties to his violent past were gone. He felt free from his vice, from his title of being a conman or a gambler. Now he was just Nick. The Nick who learned to love again, the Nick who learned how to make friends, and the Nick that the group could depend on. How did his world entirely change in the span of a couple of months.

It had been a violent time since they’d met, but right now they were both content with the world and it’s flaws laying there. Ellis’ heart had lept when he’d seen Nick running to him in the forest. He’d been so happy to see him, but so terrified of what should’ve happened to them. Curled up against Nick on the cold snow he didn’t feel the pain of his injury and felt warm in his lover’s embrace. His broken tooth would need pulled because even the slightest jostles made it bleed. He fell into a sense of comfort and security with Nick next to him.

When this would be all over, they thought of the possibles. Nick wanted to get married and have a nice wedding. Ellis wanted to have Nick meet his friends and family, and meet his family. They both wanted a secure place to live in comfort and safety. They would want Coach and Rochelle to live close by if not in the same house together because of all of the shit that they’d all been through together. Maybe get a dog or cat to keep them company. Enjoy the luxury of being safe once again seemed like a dream, but they wanted that as well. Maybe one day they’d adopt a child.

They could picture it now. Curled up together on a couch with a soft blanket thrown on top of them because they didn’t feel like paying more on the heater. Watching old movies that brought them nostalgia. Maybe or maybe not pay attention to the said movie and decide to enjoy their company another way that ended up being fun. Sipping on a beer…*if* that for Nick who preferred not to drink. That night they’d go out on their porch and look up at the stars and thank them silently for meeting one another despite the awful set of circumstances. 

They still hoped for a world to go back to.

A world that they had hope for.

Before they knew it the two of them had fallen asleep in the snow. 

(ALTERNATIVE ENDING: They slipped out of this world dreaming a dream that couldn’t be. IN CASE YOU WANTED A TRAGIC ENDING)

By the time that Rochelle and Coach had found them they were in hypothermia. Coach picked up both boys and carried them swiftly back up to the office and laid them close to the fire. The two had taken care of the horde that Zack had summoned, and spent the rest of the time searching for the three boys that went missing. They found part of Brad… It’d taken them some time to find where Ellis and Nick were laying down at.

Quickly they removed their clothes and threw blankets on them to help them warm up slowly. “You know it would help if you took of your clothes and got under there with them,” Rochelle decided to get snarkey with the big man with a devious grin. Outrightly Coach laughed at her for the suggestion.

“I don’t like how you filled Nick’s role of commentary lately little sister,” He threw the last blanket over them before going over to throw another log into the flames. 

“What can I say,” she shrugged her shoulders. “We’ve all rubbed off of each other at some point.” She poked at the logs with a stick before tossing it in as well. The older man rubbed his chin thinking about it before shrugging not wanting to think about how they’ve changed since this had all started.

The two watched the fire in silence. Since Ellis’ disappearance and Nick’s silence they’d grown apart from each other. They first fought about rations because Coach and Brad weren’t light people. Nick needed fed only liquids by Rochelle because of his complete catatonic state. Then, it was about how to search for Ellis. Coach cheating on his wife hadn’t helped at all, Rochelle condemed people for adultery. If you want to cheat just get a divorce or break up. That was her moto with the whole dating scene. All of these things led up to the two growing apart.

What could they really say though. They were two strangers who were forced together by a cruel twist of fate. Never in her life did Rochelle think that she’d be forced to rely on strangers to survive. A mean mouthed conman, a southern talkative redneck, and someone who preaches the bible occasionally. The conman turned out to have a sweet side, the redneck turned out to have a dark side, and the coach turned out to have a moraless side. Nick’s noticement of emotions deep down, Ellis’ dark moral understanding of the world, and Coach’s resolution. This all circled her mind.

Fears, hopes, obligation, excitement, survival, darkness, good, and evil all fueled them to carry on. Fear is what lead Rochelle. Hope is what lead Nick. Obligation is what lead Coach. Excitement is what led Brad. Survival is what lead Greg. Darkness is what led Zack. Good is what led Coach. Evil is what led Nikki. All these motives are meaningless because as long as there is motive there is reason. It all didn’t matter now for the dead because the dead can’t speak. The dead can’t give their opinion. They’re just dead people that people tell stories of until they’re forgotten and lost in history……………………………………………………….


	11. Insufferable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the road again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last of what I wrote months ago. Heh, only writers will understand that you put a lot of yourself into one or two characters into a story. My style of writing should change after this chapter as well since it's been a couple of months. Remember people of all genders and ages I live off of a shitload of food, sleep, Left 4 Dead 2, Resident Evil 2 (1998), Red Dead Redemption 2, and other peoples comments and likes. I'm serious about the food I've gained 10 pounds in like two weeks.
> 
> -Benny Hill Theme

They were up walking on the highway again. Nobody spoke anything at all. Nick hung back behind Ellis to cover him, but they didn’t talk. Everyone had a falling out with the group dynamic because of what all had happened the past month. Nikki, Zack, and the others who all brought hell and died. Nick recovered enough since then to ack normally again, but Ellis could tell that he’s still hurting deep down from all the revelations. Rochelle was in the way back of the group wanting to be the furthest away from Coach because their relationship had gotten even worse when the boys woke up.

Nick felt guilty about what happened to Ellis because of Zack. He believed it to be his fault for everything that happened to him. Of course Coach tried to telling him it wasn’t something that he could prevent, but Rochelle snapped at the older man to let him feel his own feelings for a bit. Ellis thought that the argument was worse than when Rochelle drugged him. He didn’t want to remember the argument. No, no he didn’t, but he couldn’t help but to constantly think about it and let it cloud his thoughts.

All he did was watch as the three ripped into each other over and over again. It physically pained him to watch that happen right in front of his eyes. The anger in his friends and lovers’ eyes as they fought with words. The things they said rang in his ears over and over again. Awful things were said, such awful things that he wished that he could erase his memory of that. Words had flown like daggers. Even though Ellis didn’t get involved in it words still flew at him. All of it was so confusing to him.

Hearing such awful words come out of their mouths did nothing but fuel the darkness that raged on in his mind. The things that were directed at him only affirmed the worst parts of his thoughts. Nick never said anything at him, and only defended him. That didn’t help him.

He let his gun go loose in it’s hold with the strap and shut his eyes tightly and rubbed his ears with both hands. Hearing Nick come up behind him he took one of his hands without turning behind him to stop him from touching him. Sadness and worry etched into Nick’s already depressed demeanor. “Leave me be…” Ellis growled at him.

They’d only stopped screaming at each other when Ellis had passed out from a panic attack. He started bawling and screaming to the point where he passed out from the lack of oxygen. The cries before had only earned him more insults until that point. Hope was only a memory of long ago for him. He never had any hope to begin with, but that made him forget what it felt like to have hope. It was almost impossible for him to shake it from his mind the things that were said to him.

Nick wasn’t any prouder of what he’d said to the two. Downright guilty and drained emotionally he kept his gaze low to the ground. He couldn’t even make eye contact with Ellis right now for how terrible he felt.

The things we say, the things we do.

Rochelle wasn’t feeling too great about what she’d said too. Neither was Coach, but no of them were going to swallow their pride and apologize for what’d happened. No they weren’t because they didn’t want to be the first one because the first person to say it is the one that admits they’re wrong.

Ellis wasn’t mad at Nick. He was too far deep in his own mind to want comfort. All he wanted to do was be alone under a blanket with his legs curled up to his chest with his eyes wide open as all the bad memories resurfaced to haunt him. Oddly enough the thought of that comforted him slightly, but couldn’t overshadow the overwhelming anxiety that he felt right now. A few tears escaped his left eye and he did nothing to wipe them away as they ran down his cheek and off of his chin to the ground.

It wasn’t just what everything that everyone said that got to him. Being captive and forced to listen to all of Zack’s adventures with Nick was terrifying to say the least. Almost being murdered was haunting. His mind was the worst thing overall. Those awful things though...

Faggot, sensitive, whiny, annoying, baby, weak, burden, better off dead, annoying, dangerous, wussy, pussy, asshole, (too derogatory to put in even for me), shithead, hick, monster, dumbass, selfish, clingy, inbred, dildo, cunt, bitch, son of a whore, faker, self loathing monster, lier, sick, ill, crazy, dick, stupid, ignorant, arrogant, pretentious, waste of space, ect, ect, ect. Those words that he was called rang through his head. The phrases were worse, so much worse.

His legs gave out and he buried his face in his hands and the tears flowed from his eyes. Shuddering sobs violently shook his body. They had guilt in what they did to Ellis the most. He didn’t yell at anyone, he didn’t get involved at all, he was only a casualty of projection of anger. They stopped when they heard Ellis’ gun bump off the concrete. Mentally exhausted they stood where they were doing nothing.

A couple of minutes passed and Ellis raised his head up still crying. He screamed, “Why can’t anyone else say anything!?!? Huh!!! WHY!?!? Fucking say something!!!” After a couple seconds of nobody doing anything, not even acknowledging him his expression softened to pained. Eyebrows up and knitted together he begged, “Please, someone...someone say something.” No response again, and this time he raised his gun to his head. 

Pain exploded in his wrist as it was yanked away, and he yelled out. Looking up at the person who yanked his wrist away their sorrow and pain softened his own pain. Nick sat down on the ground with him and took the gun away. Coach and Rochelle hadn’t moved an inch at all. The hurt in Ellis’ eyes and the anguish in them nobody saw because nobody had even looked him in the eyes since that evening.

The gun laid a few feet away from them. Nick hadn’t let go of his wrist and the two of them just sat there. Tears still streamed out of Ellis’ eyes silently. “Yer hurting me Nick,” he meant it in more ways than one.

“Please don’t leave me,” Nick begged him with tears of his own and let his wrist go. This was the first time in a couple days that they’d looked each other in the eyes.

“I’m just so done,” Ellis fell into him crying harder. “I can’t do it anymore!” Nick wrapped his arms around his younger lover to comfort not just him, but himself as well. Gently he rocked them together.

“I’m so sorry El...it’s all my fault...I should’ve…” Nick apologized trailing off while shaking. He believed that everything that had happened since that one morning at the safehouse back aways ago was entirely his fault. Ellis’ depressive mood, Nikki, Zack, Ellis being used as bait, Rochelle and Coach’s fight, the entire group fight, and the group’s indifference to one another.

“Nick…” he tilted his head up from Nick’s chest to stare him straight in the eyes. “You can’t control everyone and everything that happens...Nothing you coulda done woulda prevented this from happening to us.” 

Casting his gaze away from the smaller man he flushed with embarrassment. “I feel like I could have done something to stop all of this from happening,” he admitted. Hands met both sides of his face and forced his gaze back to his lover’s. Ellis leaned up kissing him tenderly. Their tears of sadness mixed together. A few moments later Ellis broke off the kiss.

Staring up into those emerald eyes that lost their hope he whispered, “Dwelling on it is only going to turn you into a ‘self loathing monster’.” Rochelle flinched at the quote that she made to him. “Or turn you into someone who is ‘better off dead’.” Coach’s demeanor softened saddened by what he’d said. 

“Don’t call yourself that,” Nick murmured closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against Ellis’. 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes and let the words spill out, “But I believed that even before.” Spoken almost wordlessly and breathless.

“No you’re not,” he cried against him, holding on even tighter.

“I know you’re right, but I don’t believe it. I’ma monster, and a failure Nick...I’ve failed everything up until this point in my life so far,” spoken with no hint of emotion at all with such honesty that it broke all the survivors hearts. It cut deep into Nick who felt like his life had just fallen apart for the second time in his life. It melted Coach and Rochelle enough. They went over and sat down as well.

Rochelle was right back in the preschool they’d been in the easy part of their journey up until that point. Loss, tragedy, horror, and their own minds plagued them. She knew that there was more to come, and she was certain of the pain that would come from it. This was just one minor road block in the way in which there would be more to come.

“Son...I’m sorry for what I said,” Coach apologized to him, but he got no reaction.

“I’m sorry as well,” Rochelle set a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve been so brave this entire time.” Angered Ellis shook off her hand.

“It’s true you’ve been really br-” Coach started until Ellis burst up dragging Nick with him. Clung onto him like a toddler with separation anxiety Nick refused to let go, but remained like dead weight on the mechanic. 

“I’M NOT BRAVE!!!” He exploded at them. His face was red with furey. “I wish everyone would stop tellen me I’m brave. Guess what!?!?” He threw his hands up defensively. “I’m not! I’ma coward who’s afraid of dying.”

“Ellis…” Rochelle sighed concerned. Coach got off of the ground and drew his hand back and backhanded him. The hit had Ellis reeling to the side. Hurt he let his overgrown hair cover his eyes along with the shadow of his hat. His hand was held up to the injured cheek. He wasn’t angry even though he seemed it, just hurt. 

Coach was expecting him to try and hit him back, but the swing never came. “I’m sorry y’all…” Ellis’ voice cracked. The older man wasn’t expecting an apology and he didn’t want one.

“Don’t apologize son, let’s just get going,” he offered a hand to Rochelle to help her up. She took it as an apology to her, and she took hold of his hand accepting it.

“Nick…” Ellis weakly croaked out. “Can you carry me?” he begged him. Sure that Ellis wasn’t going to try and run off he let go of his waist long enough to get up and pick him up. Nick’s separation anxiety had spiked when Ellis had said what he’d said about dying. Just because he was afraid of dying wouldn’t mean that he wouldn’t do it.

He was just so done with everything and everyone. He’d been through enough. While he did get everyone talking again they should’ve reconciled yesterday, the day after the fight. Not when Ellis broke down. Not when he was convinced that he had to die now. It should’ve been sooner. 

Walking along the main road they continued on to Vegas. 

Ellis had gotten the album and note that Brad had given him. It read:

Dear Ellis,

If you’re getting this note along with the CD it means I’ve died, but I’m glad that you’re alive and well. You and Nick deserve some happiness, and don’t say you don’t. I know it’s been especially rough with Zack. His stories of conquest and other things aren’t the most pleasant of conversations, but please don’t let that bring you all the way down. I know that you and Nick love each other, if you two hadn’t said it yet. We had to pull Nick off of you when Coach shocked you because he wouldn’t stop doing CPR. Scariest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life. He looked like a rabid animal over you when you first died. He really loves you a lot. I don’t think he realized it up until that point, but when you were asleep in the preschool he refused to leave your side. I’m no doctor, but I think he gots some major separation anxiety after that. Anyways you really liked this album that Greg had on in the car. I think that he would have wanted you to have it.

Take Care,

Brad

Nobody said it was easy, living. Living was hard. Brad’s words didn’t do much to sooth him, but he really appreciated the gesture that he made as did some more information about that day. Since he had been back with the group Nick had refused to leave him alone. He and Nick were always in the same room or always together. It’s just been a couple of days, but he can feel like Brad was right about that. Nick had abandonment issues with all of the shit that went down. He couldn’t blame him, but his own avoidant personality made things difficult for him to be around someone for very long like that.

At least it seemed to ease Nick just slightly that he was holding onto Ellis and that he wouldn’t be taken away from him as long as they were close together. It made him feel secure knowing that Ellis was safe and not in harm’s way. He grew very anxious when the other survivors started to veer off out of sight just slightly, or if one of them went too far ahead. Like say 10 yards (9.144 meters). Safety in numbers, and it’s Better Safe Than Sorry. 

Not really too much to say. Nothing really much to report on other then Ellis being depressed. Nick being anxious. Rochelle being attacked by witch. She got of lucky with cat like reflexes, but nothing else remained to be said. Like the calm before the storm to her.

“Y’all are being a paranoid bunch of bitches,” Coach announced slinging his gun to rest on his shoulder. He shook his head as he spoke.

“I’m not paranoid,” Ellis piped up excitedly walking foreword. God, how long had they been walking. It had to be almost Thanksgiving at this point. 

“I know you’re not paranoid. The other two are,” he gestured to the other two, but then pointed at the young man. “But you’re thinking about all the ways that you could kill yourself as we walk right now.”

“Yeah…” he tilted his head up almost fantasizing about it. Right now he was thinking about how it would feel to smash his body into suited up cars that looked straight out of Mad Max the movie. They littered the streets here as they drew closer and closer to Vegas. It seemed as if the people had more notice before the infection began.

“I haven’t lost all hope in a rescue yet,” Nick told the others walking closer to Ellis as to protect him from himself. It wasn’t something that Ellis had picked up on.

Nick dreamed about being rescued and being able to one day marry Ellis, and have the small house and the white picket…’God damnit!’ he was beginning to sound like his great grandfather. Family wasn’t something that Nick had thought about in years. He hasn’t talked to them since he was sixteen. When he was sixteen he and his current girlfriend at the time got married. They weren’t happy so he left for good. They got divorced when they were 18, but he got married to a women who divorced him about a year after because she realized that she was a lesbian. They really never had sex except on their wedding night and special occasions. Both of them didn’t care about it which should have been a red flag.

He wondered if he’d ever see his family again.

“I have,” Rochelle interjected shaking her head. “We’ve been let down so many times that I almost agree with Ellis’ suicidality.” Ellis had nothing to say to that because he thought that she was right. Life did seem kind of pointless if you’re just running around and barely surviving.

“What gives you this new optimism Nick?” Coach asked Nick with the turn of a head. He wanted to steer the conversation away from all of the death and suicidal talk. Ellis had been pointing out every possible way to commit suicide along the way. The one that disturbed the old man the most was the one that involved a car engine. Nick smiled thinking about it again.

“Well it may seem like the old American dream, but I really want that,” his face flushed. “I really do have some hope that things will get better. It’s the hope for a better future, a stable future. I want a house with a white picket fence. Get married, and maybe adopt a kid. Get a pet. You know the shit that the vets that came back from world war 2 wanted when they finally came home. Unlike them I hope that I’m satisfied with it. I don’t want to live in the suburbs though.” he wrinkled his nose with that last one. Ellis took his hand and gave it a light squeeze.

“Hmmm…so is that a proposal?” Ellis hummed teasingly. Never did he think that he’d be fine with getting married so as long as it was Nick. Well he did think that either he’d end up being married only once, or end up being married more than ten times, no inbetween. Nick’s face flushed more.

“Well you two have a lot for your future ahead. I think it’s safe to say that you three have a lot for the future ahead of you. I’m glad that one of you can think positively,” Coach paused scratching his chin. “Although I never expected it from the sarcastic asshole from the beginning.”

Nick smiled closing his eyes, “People change all the time.”

“For better or worse,” Rochelle agreed with him.

Ellis shook his head, “I really don’t believe people change or change that much. Only extreme situations do people ever really change in my opinion. People don’t change that much. I also believe that everyone is capable of anything given the right circumstance...murder...rape...heroics...sacrifice...greed…-”

“Boy you are wearing me out,” Coach interrupted him. Nick and Rochelle frowned as well with that.

“You know it’s true that people will do anything under the right circumstances,” he hummed.

“It doesn’t mean you have to voice it. I miss your goofy ass before we landed, you changed,” Ellis couldn’t help, but to laugh at that. 

‘The darkness of my own mind that people can’t comprehend’ he laughed darkly at his own thoughts as well. Everyone stopped in their tracks to face him.

“Why is that so funny?” Nick whispered concerned. It took a few more moments for Ellis to collect himself, and he had to wipe a tear away.

“It’s funny to be because I was always like this. I’m really good at faking my emotions, remember? I was pretending so y’all didn’t know what was really going on, but since y’all know now I’m too tired to keep up the face of it all. How about this,” he proposed. “No more secretes. When we get to the safehouse we all talk about something deep and personal to us, and take turns doing that. No more sparing each other’s feelings. No more lying. Nothing, but the truth.”


	12. After Much Consideration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major time jump into the future. Past influences guilting the survivors. Nick deals with his insecurities and trauma. Rochelle deals with survivor’s guilt primarily, and Ellis deals with his depression and past suffocating him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After much consideration I have decided to do a major time skip because I can’t keep motivation for long. It’s easy to find motivation, but it’s harder to keep it. I do believe that is a saying. Also RDR2 crushed my heart at the end of the main campaign. 
> 
> -the locket tune from A Few Dollars More

“I don’t remember a time since what happened when I was completely calm, not that I was before,” Ellis sat crossed legged next to Nick on the couch. He wore a wife beater and a grey pair of sweatpants. Nick on the other hand wore a large sweater to hide how much weight he’d lost from the others. 

“The only time I’ve been calm since I was 16 is when I drink. I suppose that’s why I have problems with drugs and alcohol,” Nick picked up the remote and turned the volume to the tv down. They turned their gazes to each other. Both were laced with worry and concern. “When did it get so bad?”

“Suppose it was always bad, but I’d have to say it got worse when Coach passed...I still can’t get that day out of my mind,” Ellis averted his gaze deep in thought. Nick turned to stare at his hands. 

“If we’d just stayed together-!”

“It couldn’t be helped Nick…” his voice cracked. “I’ve thought long and hard about it. There’s nothing that we could’ve done to prevent what had happened.”

 

One year before…

A glass wall separated Coach from the rest of the group. The older man had stormed off in a fit of rage from an argument with Rochelle. Unfortunately for him all the yelling caused a in city avalanche. 

Rochelle was wracked with guilt that only got worse when they caught up to the old man. He’d been mauled by a hunter just moments before. The only one not paralyzed by fear or guilt took charge by shooting the bloodied hunter that was watching off in the distance. He had to take Nick by the arm to move him. The former conman didn’t budge so he drug him by the ear. He tried as well with Rochelle. That didn’t work as well, and took her by the the hair. The two yelping and yelling all the way to the safehouse Ellis found shortly after. 

Pissed off and grieving Rochelle opened fire at Ellis once he let her go. Nick was frozen still. The young man still has the scars of where she’d shot him. One in the right shoulder, a hole in his ear, and an imaginary one in his heart. She sobbed for what she’d done whispering sorry over and over again. 

Not giving up Ellis closed the door to the safe room and cleaned himself up. He cleaned and stitched his wounds then took Rochelle’s weapons and set them down on the nearby table. He wrapped a fuzzy blanket around her while she kept whispering her guilt. Then he took Nick’s weapons and did the same for him. Though he’d let Nick stand with the blanket around him. With the adrenaline wearing off Ellis laid down and got some sleep. 

That’s how it’s become, Ellis taking care of the group because they were no longer capable of it themselves. Rochelle was too overcome with guilt to do anything but drink anymore. Nick became nearly nothing, but shriek if someone wasn’t in his sight. Rochelle spends all her time drinking now. Nick spends his time never leaving the house that their families shared. Somehow Ellis is keeping it together still. When everything and everyone was falling apart, he kept them together. 

Ellis still leaves the house.   
Ellis can drink in moderation.   
Ellis tries to keep a job.   
Ellis still tries despite everything. 

Ellis kept the group together. He protected the group after that. The only one to fire a gun or defend the group until they were rescued after they made it for awhile in Las Vegas. 

They’d been reunited with some of their family and friends. They also met with Zoey’s group. All their families moved in together since money was hard to come by in the now crowded England. Francis took his life a month after they were rescued. 

Ellis melts into the couch thinking about that day. 

Francis and Ellis had become best friends before he passed. They talked about their love lives. They drank, and played pool at the bar. They told secrets that they didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone else. Ellis couldn’t say that he wasn’t jealous when he’d found out. Somehow Francis got ahold of a gun and went out to the lake and took his life there. 

Ellis had been inconsolable for days afterwards. Keith and Ellis had a falling out due to the fact of Ellis’ major depression being told to his entire family. That’s been a major falling out thing for a lot of people, after Francis’ passing his family was nearly insufferable to be around. Rochelle hit the bottle even harder after Francis had died. She and Ellis found solace drinking to blackout with each other occasionally. 

“Ellis!” Nick snapped him back to reality. “I wish you’d talk to me.” He looked hurt, and Ellis felt guilty for that. Bottling up his emotions forever he still couldn’t let it out, even to Nick the love of his life. 

“M’sorry, but I can’t keep promises that I can’t keep,” he got up from the couch and went outside. Nick wouldn’t follow him out there due to his phobia of the outside nowadays. The young man pulled out a package of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket. 

‘Will the nightmares ever end? I’m starting to think that you were right in wanting to die…’ Rochelle’s voice echoed in his head. It was sometime before Coach had died. They were in Vegas however. 

‘All nightmares have to end eventually Rochelle’ he had answered to her. 

‘I hope that you’re right’ 

It felt like a lie. It did then and it did now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t promise that I’m going to update anytime soon for those who read this, and I’m sorry for a short chapter, but I need to clear my mind still. Honestly a lot of my characters personalities is venting. I made Rochelle an alcoholic to represent my want to clear my mind temporarily. Ellis smoking because I crave cigarettes even though I don’t smoke. Nick being afraid to leave the house because I don’t want to interact with other people most of the time, unless it’s friends but normally they have to come with me. There’s a lot of deep meaning to a lot of the things I wrote about in this story. Most notable is the books I talk about.


End file.
